妈妈 Mom.
总统吻了我 The President kissed me.
微博 @摆渡字幕组翻译 关注微博 了解最新影视资源 商业合作Q：20882169 字幕组翻译人员招募中报名群:397129952 追美剧 用美影预报app 下载地址：my8.cool
翻译：峡谷鬼见愁/Monana/kid/吃仙貝嗎
总监：微光倾城
我们来试试这个 Let's try this.
这看起来像什么？ What does this look like? Huh?
南多的清除程序比我们想象的要花更长的时间 Nandor's deprogramming is taking longer than we thought.
蝙蝠！ 来试试这个 我是谁？ Bat. Okay, let's try this. Who am I?
“是我 南多 世界上最伟大的吸血鬼 ” "It's me, Nandor. The world's greatest vampire."
是你 I'm you.
好吧 这样如何？ Okay, how about this?
哎呀哎呀 Well, well, well.
看起来你们沟通失败了 Seems like what we have here is a failure to communicate.
一般被关在这里的人都会收到提示 不要尝试掰弯这里的柱子 The prisoner will be reminded not to try to bend these bars,
不然就得尝尝电击棒的滋味 - or he might just end up getting the prod.
呃 这棍子有点烫手 It's, uh... it's, uh, getting hot.
有点烫手 It got hot.
能还给我... 谢谢你 南多 Can I have the-- Thank you, Nandor.
所以 一定要做到这样吗？ So, it has come to this?
我的朋友把我给关起来了 My own friends imprisoning me
我关系最亲的朋友们 on the word of my own simpleminded familiar.
- 保镖 -亲信 南多 - Bodyguard. - Familiar. Nandor,
我们只是想帮你 we are just trying to help you.
我是说 看看你 你显然被洗脑了 I mean, look at you. You are clearly brainwashed.
我没有被洗脑 I am not brainwashed.
这么多年来 我一个人把这个家团结在一起 For years I have single-handedly held this house together.
你们嘲笑我 - You mock me.
不尊重我 反驳我 You disrespect me, you contradict me.
不 我们没有 Uh, no, we don't.
拉兹洛 Laszlo.
我真倒霉碰到你这个 You are the laziest vampire I have ever had
懒鬼 the misfortune of meeting.
谢了 Thank you.
嘴里含着银色的老二出生 Born with a silver dick in your mouth.
- 哈 -在这房子里从来没人帮过我 - Huh. - Never even lifted a hand to help me in this house.
- 没有 -因为他们都 - Nope. - Because they were both too occupied
忙着自娱自乐 giving constant self-pleasure.
娜嘉 你在我感情受挫的时候 Nadja, you openly laugh and mock me
笑我 嘲讽我 for my romantic tribulations.
这让我更难受了 - Which are a cause of great pain for me.
而当我们举行吸血鬼会议 And when it comes to matters of the Vampiric Council,
我说东的时候 when I say to do A,
你一定要说西 it is guaranteed that you will say, "Do B."
下一个到我了 还挺有意思 Uh, do me next. This is fun.
我根本不记得你叫什么 I would not even remember your name
要不是我口袋里一直有张 if it was not written on a piece of paper
写了你名字的纸条 that I keep in my pocket at all times.
- 该死 南多 那个过火了 -是啊 - Shit, Nandor. That's low. - Yeah.
没我想的那么有意思 That wasn't as fun as I thought it might be.
还有你！ And you!
我终于找到了一个能让我快乐的地方 I finally find a place where I am happy.
你却把我拉回了这个地狱 You drag me away from my new life back into this hell.
对不起 主人 I'm sorry, Master.
我厌倦了生病和疲倦 I am sick and tired of being sick and tired,
所以我想只有一个办法 which is why I've decided there is only one solution.
是时候.. It is time...
轮到我进入超级睡眠了 for me to take a Super Slumber.
- 不不不不 那是不可能的 - No, no, no, no. That's-- No. Oh, it can't be.
- 这主意糟透了 -怎么回事？ - That's a terrible idea. - What's happening?
怎么了？ What's happening?
♪如果你想活得长就别唱歌♪ ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long♪
♪他们不需要你的歌♪ ♪ They have no use for your song♪
♪ 殒命 断气 归于极乐♪ ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead♪
♪ 你已经撒手人寰 脱离这个大千世界 ♪ You're dead and out of this world♪
♪ 如今你的希望和怜悯都烟消云散 ♪ ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone♪
♪ 你出卖自己的梦想给了大千世界 ♪ ♪ You sold out your dream to the world♪
♪ 死着吧 死着吧 死着吧♪ ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead♪
♪ 你已经死了 离开这个世界 ♪ ♪ You're dead and out of this world.♪
吸血鬼生活 第三季 第九集
超级睡眠是一个吸血鬼 A Super Slumber is an act performed
在最困难的时候所做的选择 by the most desperate of vampire.
就相当于吸血鬼的冬眠 It is basically a vampire hibernation.
吸血鬼日子过不下去的时候 就会选择冬眠 It is performed when times are particularly hard for vampires.
这是一种逃避现实的做法 A way of sitting out a bad epoch in history.
超级睡眠能让吸血鬼保持 The Super Slumber consists of a vampire
50年 100年 - sleeping for either 50 years, 100 years,
或者更糟糕的 or worst-case scenario,
长达300年的沉睡 up to 300 years.
这是一个比死亡更糟糕的选择 It is a choice worse than death.
那些进入超级睡眠状态的人 Those who enter Super Slumber fall
会进入一个黑暗的虚空的存在 into a dark, dreamless existence.
他们醒来时 就成了虚弱 可怜 甚至空虚的 When they wake, they are weak, pathetic, empty,
- 饿死鬼 -自己认识的所有人都死了 - starved nothings. - And every human being they knew is dead,
认识的每个吸血鬼都各奔东西了 and every vampire they knew is scattered to the four winds
开始了没有他们的新生活 and started a new life without them.
对于任何吸血鬼来说 这确实是一个很艰难的决定 It really is the most desperate measure for any vampire.
必须得到尊重 And it must be respected.
我希望事情没有发展到这个地步 但事实就是如此 I wish it had not come to this, but it has.
也许我们还会再见面 Perhaps we will see each other again.
也可能不会 But probably not.
- 南多 我可以致词吗? -可以 - Nandor, if I may? - Yes.
冷酷无情的南多 "Nandor the Relentless,
“我很享受我们在吸血鬼会议上 "I have enjoyed our time together
- 一起取得了这么多的成就的时光 ”-嗯 - at the Vampiric Council where we have achieved so much." - Mm.
因为只要我们在一起就能做到所有事 Because together we get it done.
愿这个超级睡眠能减轻你的痛苦 "May this Super Slumber ease your pain,
”愿你醒来后面对的这个世界 "and may you awaken to a world
比我们对你更好” that is kinder to you than we have been."
谢谢你 娜嘉 Thank you, Nadja.
- 我也写了点东西 -请讲 - I, too, have written something. Yes.
“南南 ” "Nan."
就这些 - That's it.
对不起 老伙计 我以为我写了更多 但没有 Sorry, old chap, I thought I'd written more, but I haven't.
谢谢你的赞美 - Thank you for that kind word.
好了 好了 科林 · 罗宾逊 There, there, Colin Robinson.
不要让我的离去使你心烦意乱 Let not my departure upset you.
不不是这个 只是.. No, it's not that. It's just...
我忍不住觉得你这么做 I can't help but think that you're doing this
是因为不想来参加我今晚的百岁生日派对 to get out of coming to my 100th birthday party tonight.
我甚至不知道今天是你的生日 I did not even know that it was your birthday today.
这也是我哭泣的另一个原因！ And that's another reason I'm crying!
好吧 Okay, well...
我还以为这一刻是属于我的 kind of thought this moment was gonna be a bit more about me,
但是 呃 不管怎样 谢谢你们 but, uh, anyway, thank you all.
现在 我向你们大家告别 And now, I bid you all farewell.
哦 再见 -再见 再见 Oh, farewell. - Farewell. Farewell.
还有.. And...
别这样拍我们 Don't film us like this.
科林 拜托 Colin, come on.
吃屎去吧你 - Eat shit.
好的谢谢 Aye. Thank you.
放开我的手！ Let go of my hand!
我希望你不要这么做 主人 I wish you weren't doing this, Master.
我亲爱的吉尔莫 My dear Guillermo.
你会想我的 You will miss me.
盖上盖子 Close the lid.
拜托了伙计们 Please, guys.
非得一直拍我吗？ Does everything have to be on camera?
能给我一分钟吗？ Just-- can you please just give me like a minute?
求你了 Just please.
好吧 Well...
木已成舟 what's done is done.
我是来带消息的 I come bearing news.
为什么你就不能像其他人一样用门呢？ Why can't you use a fucking door like anyone else?
如果要让我使用门 What's the point of being able to turn into smoke
那为什么给我能变成烟的能力？ if you're just going to go around using doors?
你带了消息？ - What is your news?
全球最高吸血鬼理事会 "The Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council
”邀请你们接受 "has invited you to receive
“一个来自旧世界的代表团... .. "a delegation from the Old World...
”... 来你家里 -"...here at your home,
”目的是为了检查 "with the intent of inspecting
你目前为止在管理理事会方面所取得的进展” the progress you've made thus far in running the council."
这对我们来说是一个至高无上的荣誉 This is a huge honor for us,
但就像所有的荣誉一样 这是个痛苦的过程 but like all huge honors, it's a pain in the nutsack.
- 但这仍然是至高无上的荣誉 -是的 - But a huge honor all the same. - Yes.
我一直梦想着能遇见一个重要的人 I have always dreamed of meeting someone important.
从来没有一个重要的人来过我们村 No one important ever came to our village.
有一次垃圾工来了 There was one time that the rubbish man came
收集所有的垃圾 他分配了 呃 to collect all the shit, and he assigned, uh,
给孩子们的垃圾 并在上面留下了签名 pieces of rubbish for the children and autographed it.
接下来的三个月我们都在跳舞 We danced for the next three months,
所以你可以想象这只是 so you can imagine this is just...
哇! 真让我兴奋 Wow! Very exciting for me.
这个代表团什么时候到？ And when will this delegation be arriving?
让我想想 就在... Let's see, on the night of...
今晚 tonight.
- 什么? -八点半 - What? - At the hour of 8:30.
今晚8:30？ 8:30 tonight?
哎 这也太快了 - Mm-hmm. This is all very, very soon.
也许他们明晚可以来 Maybe they could come tomorrow night,
然后我们可以真正成为 and then we could really lay on a really...
全球顶级吸血鬼理事会的一份子 The Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council
不要动他们书里的东西！ does not shift things around in their book!
好了 好了 保持冷静 All right, all right. Keep your hair on.
我已经叫了一些本土吸血鬼过来 I've already arranged for some local vampires to come round
庆祝科林 · 罗宾逊的生日 for Colin Robinson's birthday.
人越多越开心 The more the merrier.
- 等等我得和一个... -太好了！ - Wait. I-I have to share my birthday party with a... Yes!
你很幸运能有一个生日聚会！ You're lucky to have a birthday party!
是真的现在你和南多应该准备一下 It's true. And now, you and Nandor should prepare
一些关于共同管理理事会的评论 some remarks about running the council together.
- 他们很感兴趣 -问题是.. - They're very intrigued. Well, the thing is...
- 八点半这个时间很好 谢谢 太好了 - 8:30 is perfect, thank you. Wonderful.
老天爷 Geez Louise.
- 有什么建议吗? -我应该叫醒他吗？ - Ideas? - I should wake him up?
- 我们把他叫醒 -我应该把他叫醒 - We'll just wake him up. I should wake him up.
- 叫醒他 -好的 - Wake him up. - Okay.
主人？ Master?
主人 对不起 Master, I'm sorry.
主人？ Master?
谁啊 发生了什么事？ Who is there, and what is going on?
抱歉是我 吉尔莫 抱歉 Sorry, it's me, Guillermo. Sorry.
哇 Wow.
八百年眨眼就过去了 800 years really went by so fast.
- 那是因为严格来说...-哦 - Well, that's because technically... - Oh.
吉尔莫 你看起来糟透了 Guillermo, you look awful.
- 好吧 -时间真是把杀猪刀 - Okay. - The ravages of time have not been kind to you
你脸上满是岁月的沧桑 and your formerly boyish face.
好吧 其实压根儿就没过去多久 Okay, well, it's because it-- not a lot of time has gone...
- 告诉我 -你才睡了半个小时 - Tell me. - You've been asleep for 30 minutes.
那你为什么叫醒我? ！ Then why are you waking me up?!
这根本不是什么紧急情况 This is not an emergency at all.
但是我们已经告诉了所有人 But we have told everyone
我们是委员会的共同领导人 that we are coleaders of the council.
好吧 我现在放弃控制权 Fine. I hereby relinquish my control.
你现在是唯一的领导 You are now sole leader.
恭喜你 女王万岁 Congratulations, long live the Queen.
- 永别 -但代表团会认为.. - Good night forever. - But the delegation is going to think...
- 南多 回来回来-什么？ - Nandor, come back. Come back. What?
你为什么不推迟你的超级睡眠呢 Why don't you just delay your Super Slumber
几天？ a couple of days?
你总不想错过科林 · 罗宾逊的生日吧 You wouldn't miss Colin Robinson's birthday.
- 你为什么要这么混蛋...-我为什么要为了科林罗宾逊的生日 - Why do you have such a cock up... - Why would I give
- 还是个会飞的混蛋? -... 推迟超级睡眠？ - a flying fuck about that? -...for Colin Robinson's birthday?
只要告诉代表团我威胁到了你的统治 Just inform the delegation that I was a threat to power,
所以你杀了我 so you killed me.
你的统治毫不留情 记得吗？ You rule without mercy, remember?
- 他们就喜欢这样 -那对你来说会是个耻辱的结局 - They love that shit. - That would be a humiliating end for you.
谁在乎? 反正我不在乎 Who cares? Not me.
那么 晚安 永远 So, good night, forever.
100年后再见 也许不会 See you in 100 years, probably not.
主人 我真的不希望你这样做 Master, I really wish you weren't doing this.
又是”让我变成吸血鬼”的鬼话？ Again with the "make me a vampire" shit?
不 不 不 我已经不在乎那些了 No. No, no, I don't even care about that anymore.
我只是... 我不想让你走 - I just... I don't want you to go.
所以在接下来的100年里 就在附近待着 So just stick around for the next 100 years,
等我醒来 我们就能又在一起了 and we'll be together again when I wake up.
到那时我就130岁了 死的透透的了 I'll be 130 years old, aka dead.
你怎么知道 You don't know that.
所以也许你应该在接下来的100年里 So maybe you should spend the next 100 years
练习如何不那么悲观 practicing to be less of a pessimist.
- 我要关上盖子了 谢谢 -不 我.. - I'm closing the lid now, thank you. - No, w...
吉尔莫! -对不起 Guillermo! - Sorry.
“加固”你的门罢了 Just boarding your door.
吉尔莫 现在几点了 科林 · 罗宾逊在哪儿？ Guillermo, what time is it, and where is Colin Robinson?
- 8:28. - 8:28.
他在路上了 And he's on his way.
妈的 你还没签名 Shit, you haven't signed his card.
这是科林 · 罗宾逊最喜欢的歌 That's Colin Robinson's favorite song.
- 哦 -哦太好了 - Oh. - Oh, good.
你们在播放列表中加入了“仓鼠舞” You guys added "The Hamster Dance" to the playlist.
我希望你们都过来 - I-I want to make sure you gather around me
在我做驼背的时候围成一圈 in a circle when I do the Humpty Hump.
当然 You betcha.
他们来了 大家排好队 各就各位 Oh, they're here! Everyone line up. Positions.
卡米拉 · 德 · 莫内伯爵夫人 The Contessa Carmilla De Mornay.
这位是卡米拉 · 德 · 莫奈女伯爵 This is Contessa Carmilla De Mornay.
她已经1000岁了 可能是和一匹马做的 She's 1,000 years old, possibly did it with a horse.
伯爵夫人 这是我的荣幸 Contessa, it is such an honor.
这是我的荣幸 The pleasure is mine.
如果你想上楼 Please, if you make your way upstairs,
你的鲜血盛宴在等着你 your blood banquet awaits you.
谢谢 - Oh! Thank you.
可怕的多米尼卡斯 Dominykas The Dreadful.
这是可怕的多米尼卡斯 This is Dominykas The Dreadful.
据说是他放的火 It is said that he started the fire
烧毁了伟大的亚历山大图书馆 that burned down the great Library of Alexandria.
是我和另一个人 - Well, me and another guy.
可怕的多米尼卡斯人类女性朋友 可可 Dominykas The Dreadful's human lady friend, Coco.
什么? 什么？ What? What?
好吧 这是.. Okay, uh, so this is...
我的同伴 My companion.
- 搭档 -女朋友 - Partner. - Girlfriend.
她让我青春永驻 She keeps me young.
是的 我们订婚了 Yeah, we're engaged to be engaged.
我不想给我们的关系贴上标签 I don't want to put a label on what we have,
- 这真的很特别 -如果你想上楼的话 欢迎你 - which really is so special. - Welcome. If you head upstairs,
等待着我们的是一场鲜血盛宴 the blood banquet does await.
你知道他不会死的 You know he's not going to die.
你拿不到他的钱 You're not going to get his money.
我一会儿要跳驼背舞 - I'm gonna do the Humpty Hump later.
这位先生不需要介绍 This gentleman needs no introduction.
我对他很熟悉 He's very well-known to me.
这是奎因 吸血鬼大神 This is Quinn, the great vampire.
埃里伯斯神殿执事弗罗斯特的得力助手 Right-hand man of Deacon Frost of the House Erebus.
只是我扮演的一个角色 多纳尔 · 罗格 Just a role I played. Donal Logue.
- 很高兴见到你 -等等 多纳尔 · 罗格是 - So nice to meet you. - Wait, so Donal Logue is
- 全球吸血鬼理事会的成员? -是的 - on the Worldwide Vampiric Council? - Yeah.
《刀锋战士》出来后 我有点被吓到了 I kind of got jumped in after Blade came out.
但你是个吸血鬼 对吧？ But you are a vampire, yes?
是的 一个有趣的故事 Yes. Kind of a funny story.
我拍《刀锋战士》的时候 还不是一个吸血鬼 I was not a vampire when I filmed Blade,
但拍摄过程很有趣 but it was such a fun shoot
我有点爱上了这种生活方式, and I sort of fell in love with the lifestyle,
所以我决定全力以赴 so I decided to jump in and go whole hog.
- 多纳尔 - Donal.
请大家上楼去 Please, head upstairs, everyone.
- 血宴在等着呢 -今天是我的生日 - The blood banquet awaits. - And it's my birthday.
你有没有人类的食物给我的丈夫？ Do you happen to have any human food for my consort?
她不喜欢血 She doesn't like blood,
而且她也不怎么在乎成年人的食物 and she doesn't care much for grown-up food, either.
吉尔莫我们有没有 Uh, Guillermo, do we have a-- Oh.
好吧 祝你好胃口 一切听从阁下安排 Okay. Bon appétit. Your wish is my command.
这就对了 There you go and voilà.
给这位年轻女士的鸡块 - Chicken nuggies for the young lady
配上一份只有黄油的意面 with a side of spaghetti with only butter.
天啊我们需要你们厨师的名字 - Oh, my gosh. Okay, we need the name of your chef.
你们有牧场吗？ Do you have any ranch?
人类配偶的牧场！ Ranch for the human consort!
天啊 她太吵了 Oh, my God, she's loud.
还有人要血吗？ More blood, anyone?
- 可以吗?-当然 - May I? - Oh, of course.
- 这就是他们存在的意义 -谢谢 - That is what they're there for. - Oh, thank you.
精致 Exquisite.
你一定要试试他 但只能喝一小口 You must try him, but just a sip
- 把他带过去-好的 - and pass him along. - Oh, yes.
谢谢你的分享 多纳尔 Thank you for sharing, Donal.
我说, I say,
大家都记得在科林 · 罗宾逊的生日卡上签名了吗？ has everyone remembered to sign Colin Robinson's birthday card?
你们都见过我的好丈夫拉兹洛了 You have all met my wonderful husband, Laszlo.
去你丫的 拉兹洛 Fuck off, Laszlo.
那么 你的共同领导人哪去了？ So, where is your coleader?
大名鼎鼎的 冷酷无情的南多 The famed Nandor The Relentless.
啊 呃 好吧 南多 是的 嗯.. Ah, um, good-- The Nandor, yes, um...
南多对我的王权造成了威胁 Nandor was a threat to my power,
所以 呃 为了更好的管理理事会 so, uh, in order to run the council correctly,
我 呃... I, um...
别无选择 只能... had no choice but to...
杀了他 kill him dead.
你怎么他了？ - You what?
你说什么？ Excuse me?
干得好 娜嘉 - Excellent work, Nadja.
- 完美的绝杀啊 -哈 - How deliciously cutthroat. - Huh.
该做的必须做 你做到了 You got to do what you got to do and you did it.
我最喜欢干这种事了 I cannot hate on that.
哦！ - Oh!
我杀了他 I killed him.
为了向战败的敌人致以最后的敬意 In order to pay our final respects to a vanquished foe,
我们能不能... could we...
看看他的尸体？ see his body?
- 去搞定它 -好的 - Fix it. - Okay.
没有比看到你手下败将的尸体 Nothing would make me happier
更让我高兴的了 than seeing the dead body of your vanquished foe.
主人? 主人? 主人? Master? Master? Master?
主人? - Master?
你在拿我开涮 是吧？ You are kidding, right?
我长眠多久了 I have been in Super Slumber for, what,
20分钟? 半小时？ 20 minutes? Half an hour?
- 其实已经两个小时了 -哦 很好 - It's actually been two hours. - Oh, great.
两个小时的“长眠” A nice two-hour-long Super Slumber.
都比不上我性高潮的时间 I've had orgasms that have lasted longer than that.
- 真的? -是的！ - Really? - Yes!
虽然听起来不那么令人愉快 And it's not as pleasant as it might sound.
你也知道 代表团来了 所以... Well, as you know, the delegation is here, and...
- 说重点 -你得装死 - Get to the good bit. - Well, you need to pretend
这样代表团就能看到你的尸体 to be dead so the delegation can come see your dead body
并且相信你是真的死了 and make sure that you're actually dead.
你为什么不直接把他们带来 Why did you not just bring them in
看看我长眠的状态？ and show me in Super Slumber?
如此接近死亡的状态 A state that so closely resembles death
没有人会知道其中的区别 no one would ever know the difference.
但是如果他们在查看你尸体的时候 Well, what if you accidentally woke up
你突然醒来怎么办？ in the middle of them looking at your body?
有道理 That's a good point,
但我想说的是 but I think the point I'd like to make
没有人会从长眠中 no one accidentally wakes up
- 突然醒过来! -哦 - from a Super Slumber! - Oh.
除非你过来把他们叫醒 Not unless you come in here and wake them up.
- 好吧 那现在... 现在明白了 -不是吧？ - Okay, well now that's-- that makes-- that's clear. - Is it, though?
我看你根本没听懂我的话 Because it really seems like it's not quite sinking in.
所以... 我能不能... So... can I...
好吧 把那些蠢货带进来 Yes, fine, just bring these dummies in
让他们看看我的尸体 这样我们就能结束这一切了 and show them my dead body so we can get this over with,
我也终于可以开始我期待已久的长眠 and I can finally commence my long overdue
- 这次绝对不能再打扰我 -嘿! 吉尔莫？ - and this time completely uninterrupted-- Hey! Guillermo?
是的 一具尸体 Yes, a dead body.
吉尔莫? 尸体准备好了吗？ Guillermo? Is the body ready for viewing yet?
是的 女主人 准备好了 - Yes, Mistress. It is. Okay.
大家请过来 Everybody, come around. Please.
我们稍微看一下就行了 We're going to take a very quick look
因为这是非常令人悲伤的 'cause it is going to be very sad.
- 很快 -好的 Very quick. Okay.
绝佳位置 -打开盖子 Front row seat. - Reveal the corpse.
好的 All right.
- 请看 看好了 -那么我们.. - And there it is and that's enough. - And then we...
这对吸血鬼来说是个巨大的损失 It's just a very great loss for vampiredom.
- 嗯 -好难过 - Mm-hmm. - Very sad.
他真的是一个伟大的人物 He truly was one of the greats.
算是吗 呃 Was he, though? Eh.
作为一个战士 是的 他是 As a warrior, yes, he was.
作为一个吸血鬼 他... 还不错 As a vampire, he was... okay.
非常好 Pretty good.
我想 对于他的评价 陪审团还没有定论 The jury is still out on his legacy, I suppose.
我同意 I don't disagree.
冷酷无情的南多 我们几乎不认识你 Nandor The Relentless, we hardly knew ye.
愿他安息 May he sleep well.
- 是的 -你知道 - Yes. - You know,
我们厌倦了永恒的生命 we grow so weary of eternal life,
然而当我们面对永恒的死亡时 and yet when we come face-to-face with eternal death,
这也是需要深思熟虑的大事 不是吗？ it really makes you think about big things, doesn't it?
是的 确实如此 Yes, it does.
说到大事 Speaking of big things,
我听说冷酷无情的南多除了是 I have heard that in addition to being
一个凶猛残忍的战士 a ferocious and merciless warrior,
他还拥有... that Nandor The Relentless had...
太好了！ Yes!
我也听说过 I have heard this as well.
听说什么？ Heard what?
有点不好意思说 Oh, how to put this respectfully?
呃 据说在所有的吸血鬼中他最令人印象深刻的 Uh, it is said that he had one of the most impressive members
是他的那个部位 - in all of vampiredom.
又粗又长 Both in length and in girth.
那是真的. 是吗？ - Well, that's true. Is it?
嗯 我是听说的 我也是听说的 Um, I've heard-- I've also heard it said.
我们能看一眼吗？ - Shall we take a peek?
只是出于好奇 Just for funsies?
- 哦 -不 -只是出于好奇 - Oh. - No. - Just for funsies.
哦 我 我觉得那样太失敬了 Oh, I-I think that would be very disrespectful.
那家伙已经死翘翘了 他不会在乎的 Dude is fucking dead. It's not like he's gonna care.
我也想亲眼看看 I, too, want to see this massive dong
这个巨大的老二 with my own peepers.
等我回到家 给孙子孙女们讲一讲 Something to tell the grandkids about when I get home.
亲信 亮出他的老二 Familiar, reveal his member.
恕我直言 伯爵夫人 With all due respect, Contessa,
我不是他的亲信 - I'm not a familiar.
亮出他的老二 Reveal his member.
遵命 Of course.
哦 小弟弟 哦 小弟弟 哦 小弟弟 哦 小弟弟 哦 小弟弟 Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
如你所愿 伯爵夫人 As you wish, Contessa.
老二来了 Here you go.
- 往后站 - Step aside.
嗯 Hmm.
嗯 请欣赏 Hmm. Well, there it is.
嗯 Hmm.
你们觉得怎么样？ Huh. What do we think?
我觉得似乎相当普通 It seems pretty average to me.
还算合格 但是.. Not substandard but...
真没什么特别的 nothing special, really.
我 我还听说 - Mm. I-I also heard
他的老二看起来小但能变大 所以.. that he was more of a grower than a shower, so...
我不这么认为 I don't think so.
好吧 我们看也看了 所以.. Okay, well, we-we've done that now, so...
听着 我不是说它小 Look, I am not saying it's small.
不 不 不小 No. No, it's not small.
- 不是 -也许赢得赞誉的 - No. - Maybe it was the density of the member
是它的强度 that earned such acclaim.
哦 不 Oh, no.
嗯 Hmm.
还有什么亮点吗？ Anything of note?
不 它看起来分量一般 No, it seems to be of average weight,
呃 怎么形容呢？ and, uh-- what's the word I'm looking for?
弯的？ Pliability?
可以这么说 也不对.. I guess so. It's not...
哦!”扭扭捏捏” Oh! "Wiggliness."
对我来说就是个标准的普通货 Yeah, just seems like a standard mid-tier pecker to me.
- 嗯 -算了 回去享用晚宴吧 - Hmm. - Anyway, back to the blood banquet.
- 是这边吗? -是的! 大家这边来 快点 走吧 - Is it this way? - Yes! Everybody this way, very quickly, come.
我们不想... We don't want to...
谢谢你 Thank you.
- 看看也好 -那真是.. - Lovely to see. Well, that was...
瞎忙活 有洗手液吗？ much ado about nothing. Is there a sanitizer?
变成僵尸 Nandor could've benefited
对南多有好处 from just a touch of rigor mortis.
谢谢你 吉尔莫 Thank you for that, Guillermo.
多么精彩的送别 A wonderful send-off.
现在把那该死的盖子盖上 然后离开这里 Now close the fucking lid and get out of here.
是的 主人 Yes, Master.
所以 现在让我们举起一杯鲜血 So, now let us raise a glass of blood
来敬客人和我们自己 to our guests and to ourselves.
一日吸血鬼 永远吸血鬼 Vampires now and vampires forever.
- 吸血鬼万岁！ - Vampires forever!
说的好像我们有选择似的 Like we have a choice.
说得好 亲爱的 说得好 Well said, my darling, well said.
你的优秀有目共睹 无可匹敌 You are a tough act to follow.
但我还是要这样做 因为今天是个好日子 But indeed I must, for today is an auspicious day
其中的一个原因是... for a couple of reasons, one of which...
这些受人尊敬的吸血鬼加入了我们的队伍 we are joined by such esteemed vampires.
另一个恰好是100岁生日 The other happens to be the 100th birthday
我们的室友 也是我们的朋友 of our housemate, our friend,
精力吸血鬼科林 · 罗宾逊 and the energy vampire, Colin Robinson.
好吧 说得对 Okay, why not?
让我们为科林 · 罗宾逊干杯 Yes, uh, let us raise a toast to Colin Robinson.
干杯 Cheers.
所以 如果每个... 我记得 So, if every... I remember
我第一次见到科林 · 罗宾逊时候 the first time I met Colin Robinson,
我心想 “一个男人怎么会这么无趣?” I thought to myself, "How can one man be so fucking dull?"
可以这么说 It's true to say,
他在斯塔顿岛留下了自己的印记 he's left his mark on Staten Island.
换句话说 It's also true to say,
他在我的心上也做了同样的事情 he's left his mark on my heart.
这是一个悲惨的世界 我们被一群 This is a wretched world that we find ourselves in--
残忍恶心的人类所包围 full of cruel, disgusting people.
他的最大问题就是枯燥乏味 His main crime was that he's dull.
我甚至不是特别待见他 I don't even particularly like the fellow.
我是说我受不了他 I mean, I can't stand the man,
但我可以很骄傲能称他为我的朋友 but I'm proud to call him my friend.
请支持科林 · 罗宾逊 Please be upstanding for Colin Robinson.
- 太棒了!-再来一次 科林 · 罗宾逊 - Bravo! - And again, Colin Robinson.
所以如果现在你们想去图书馆 So, if you would like to make your way to the library,
我们已经准备了一场现场“操练”表演 we have laid on a live fuck show.
是的 没错！ Yes, that's right. Ooh!
你们可以在出去的时候脱掉衣服 You can take your clothes off on the way out.
是的 这边请 Right this way. Yes.
现场“操练”表演？ Live fuck show?
你在干什么？ What the fuck was that?
没人知道科林 · 罗宾逊是谁 No one even knows who Colin Robinson is,
更别提他的生日了 let alone gives a bloody piss about his birthday.
- 你干嘛非要提他? -亲爱的 - Why are you so obsessed with him at the moment? - My darling.
- 科林 · 罗宾逊快死了 -什么? ！ - Colin Robinson is dying. - What?!
什么？ What?
科林 · 罗宾逊将在日出前死去 Colin Robinson will be dead by sunrise.
我们却什么也做不了 There's nothing we can do about it.
几个月前我就知道了 I've known for months.
科林和我第一次 The very first time Colin and I were
在吸血鬼议会图书馆的时候 in the Vampiric Council Library,
他开始寻找 he began searching for information
关于能量吸血鬼的信息 about energy vampires
他们怎么制造能量的 他们从哪里来 and how they're made and where he came from.
我就知道有一两页是关于能量吸血鬼的 I knew there was a page or two on energy vampires
《吸血鬼纲要》 in Edmund Wheelwright's Compendium Vampirium.
但是那上面的内容让我震惊 But what I found shocked me.
“能量吸血鬼”上面写着 "Energy vampires," it said,
”预期寿命正好是100岁整” "have a life expectancy of exactly 100 years."
你为什么要把那一页撕下来？ Why are you ripping that page out of that book?
我撸我的 你撸你的 I'll wank my way and you wank yours.
等到他们100岁生日之时 On their 100th birthday
他们就会死去 they expire.
科林知道吗？ So, does Colin know?
他不知道 He doesn't.
我不忍心告诉他 I haven't had the heart to tell him.
最终 我意识到 And eventually, I realized,
那个可怜的家伙最好什么都不知道 better for the poor bastard to not know at all.
对我来说 在他生命的最后几个月里 Better for me to show him a good time
给他一段美好的时光才是更重要的事 during his last months of life.
男人间的友情 Just the dudes.
我觉得我成功了 And I feel I succeeded,
但我也觉得这可能是 but I also feel this could be
- 开始... -呃.. - the beginning of... - Uh...
嘿 伙计们 Hey, guys.
我想我还是不去... 那个操蛋的节目了 I think I'm gonna pass on the... the fuck-and-suck show.
我觉得肚子有点不舒服 I'm feeling a little funny tummy.
我要去走个23步然后躺下小睡一会儿 I'm gonna 23 skidoo and lie down, take a nap.
派对开始了伙计们 Party on, dudes.
死亡的征兆开始了 The dying has begun.
哦 Ooh.
你好 科林 · 罗宾逊 Hello, Colin Robinson.
嘿 伙计 -嘿 伙计们 Hey, buddy. - Hey, dudes.
抱歉我... 我毁了自己的生日派对 Sorry I... I'm ruining my own birthday party.
你知道吗? 我觉得我在重整旗鼓 You know what, though? I feel like I'm rallying.
或许我们还是可以再庆祝一下找点乐子 Maybe we can have some birthday fun after all.
哦 不 不 不要勉强自己 Oh, no, no, don't exert yourself,
亲爱的朋友 - dear friend.
没有 - No.
好吧 - Oh, okay. Oh.
那个尴尬的时刻 That awkward moment.
不 这种事连你都不能避免 更别说我们了好吗？不是吗 孩子们？ No, it happens to the best of us, doesn't it, boys?
有什么我们能帮你的吗？ You know? Is there anything we can get you?
谁能帮我拿瓶无糖姜汁汽水 Can someone please fetch me a, uh,
我的肚子有点毛病 diet ginger ale for my funny tummy?
他会去拿的 那么现在 He'll do that, and in the meantime,
我觉得你应该回想一下 I think you should just recall
过去100年的欢乐和友谊 the last 100 years' worth of fun and friendship.
事实上我觉得 Yeah, actually I kind of feel like
我生命的前100年都被浪费了 所以.. the first 100 years of my life were wasted, so...
从明天开始 - Starting tomorrow,
科林 · 罗宾逊的座右铭是“年轻 愚蠢 管不住自己的下半身 ” Colin Robinson's motto is "young, dumb and full of cum."
听起来很不错 Well, that sounds marvelous, and, um,
如果还有人有话要说 if anyone else has anything to say,
我认为现在是时候说出来了 I would say now is the time to say it.
好了 科林 · 罗宾逊 Okay, Colin Robinson,
我知道有时候你.. I know that sometimes you...
你给他拿姜汁汽水来治肚子疼了吗？ Did you fetch him the ginger ale for his tummy?
- 我能说句话吗? -他的胃没有自我修复功能吧？ - Can I speak? - Well, his stomach's not gonna repair itself, is it?
- 我能说句话吗? -说吧 - Can I just speak please? - Speak.
科林 · 罗宾逊 Colin Robinson...
我知道你和我 我们没有任何血缘关系 - I know that we're not related, you and I or anyone.
- 他放的屁 不是我 - He farted, not me.
- 继续 - Carry on.
我要说的是 - And I was gonna say that
我们有时候互不待见 we don't treat each other, sometimes,
带着足够的敬意或者善意 with the upmost respect or kindness,
但奇怪的是 我们还是一家人 but in a weird way we're still a family.
我们就像一个大家庭 We're like a big family here.
我马上回来 I'll be right back.
无糖姜汁汽水 Diet ginger ale.
为了他的肚子 For his tummy.
你好 吉尔莫 Hello, Guillermo.
你是不是带了更多的人来拽我的小鸡鸡？ Did you bring more people to yank on my pee-pee?
并没有 主人 No, Master.
科林 · 罗宾逊快死了 Colin Robinson is dying,
我觉得我们应该在一起 and I figured we should all be together for that.
哦 Oh.
你来晚了 他已经走了 You're too late. He's gone.
他死了? 是的 - He's dead? Yes.
他静静地放了最后一个屁 He let out one last quiet fart,
一个温和的屁 然后他就死了 a gentle one, and then he expired.
你们真的是… You guys are really incredible, you know that?
这家伙没死 This fucking guy is not dead.
南多 他死了 Nandor, he's dead.
你不记得他上次死是什么时候了吗？ Do you not remember the last time he was dead?
我们挖了个坑 把他埋在地下 When we dug his grave and we buried him in the ground,
结果发现他一直都是装的 and it turned out he was faking it the whole time
只是为了引起别人的注意 just to get attention.
这是我们第五次被骗了 And that was like the fifth time we'd fallen
就因为他说 哦我死了 for his, "Oh, I'm dead" thing.
- 这次是真的 南多 -够了！ - Yes, well, this time it is real, Nandor. - Enough!
醒醒吧 科林 · 罗宾逊 Wake up, Colin Robinson.
醒醒 醒醒！ Hey! Wakey, wakey!
现在别让我挠你痒痒 Don't make me tickle you now.
咯吱咯吱咯吱 Tickle, tickle, tickle.
闹剧该收场了 Enough of this shit.
嘿！ Hey!
哦！ - Oh!
啊哦 Uh-oh.
看来他不是装出来的 Guess he wasn't faking it.
好吧 真难过 Well, this is very sad.
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♪如果暴露在某人的存在之后♪ ♪ If after having been exposed to someone's presence♪
♪你感觉好像失去了一夸脱血浆♪ ♪ You feel as if you've lost a quart of plasma♪
♪避免那种存在♪ ♪ Avoid that presence♪
♪你需要它就像你需要恶性贫血♪ ♪ You need it like you need pernicious anemia♪
♪ 我不喜欢听到吸血鬼这个词♪ ♪ Don't like to hear the word vampire around here♪
♪ 努力改善我们的公众形象♪ ♪ Trying to improve our public image.♪
我们在这里不安全 We're not safe here.
我们并不真的生活在这个世界里 We don't really live in this world.
我们以此为生 We feed off of it.
外星人 Aliens.
圣母玛利亚！ Mother of God!
你怎么没发疯？ How have you not gone insane?
一旦你出卖了你的灵魂 它就消失了 Once you sell your soul, it's gone.
砰! 砰 Boom!
它打破了所有的规则 It's breaking all the rules.
我就是为此而来的 And I'm here for that.
我叫 b · j · 诺瓦克 我想告诉你们关于我制作的这个节目 My name is B. J. Novak. I wanna tell you about this show I made.
每次都是完全不同的一集 It's a completely different episode every time.
- 流行文化-性 - Pop culture. - Sex.
复仇 Revenge.
找到了 是这个吗？ Here it is. Is that it?
就是这样 That's it.
事情发生得很快 It happened pretty fast.
世界变了 The world has changed.
他还活着是个秘密 His survivor's classified.
不能让任何人知道他 Nobody can know about him.
人们将不得不选择立场 People are going to have to pick sides.
情况只会变得更糟 I think it's going to get worse
在一切好转之前 before it gets better.
快跑！ Run!
我猜你引起了 I imagine that you attract
不小的骚动 quite a bit of attention.
你知道 比以前更多 这是肯定的 You know, more than before. That's for sure.