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我很确定 I'm pretty certain
就是这条路 it might be this way.
翻译：Long lived kid / 罂粟
就这儿了 很重要的夜晚 This is it. The big night.
我们的第一个吸血鬼议会法庭 Our first Vampiric Council tribunal.
审判仪式现在开始！ Let the Ceremony of Judgment commence!
就在这里 我们曾是死刑犯 Where we once stood as prisoners sentenced to death,
总监：微光倾城
现在我们就是法官和陪审团 we will now be sitting as judge and jury.
你会死的 你会.. - You're gonna die, and you're gonna...
操！ Fuck!
千万别这样偷偷接近吸血鬼 吉尔莫 Never sneak up on a vampire like that, Guillermo.
你是怎么下来的? -你在说什么呀？ How did you even get down here? - What do you mean?
我已经在这下面呆了20分钟了, I've been down here for 20 minutes,
- 在等你们 -哦 - waiting for you guys. - Oh.
好吧 那是走这条路还是那条路？ Well, is it this way, or is it that way?
我觉得是走... 走后面这条路 I think it's... It's back this way.
该死的向导 Fucking Guide.
我已经在你身后站了半个小时了 I've been standing behind you for half an hour.
- 什么? -静静地看着你 - What? - Silently watching you.
呼吸你的气味 Breathing in your scent.
闻闻你的麝香 Smelling your musk.
那么... 是这条路还是... ？ So... is it this way or...?
哦 不 不 走后面这条路 Oh, no, no. It's back this way.
- 太好了 -是啊 你走过了 来吧 各位 - Oh, good. - Yes, you missed it. Come along, everyone.
如果你想活得长就别唱歌 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪
他们不需要你的歌 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪
♪ 你死了 你死了 你死了♪ ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪
你已经死了 离开了这个世界 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪
现在你的希望和同情都消失了 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪
你卖光了你尘世的梦想 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪
♪ 死着吧 死着吧 死着吧 ♪ ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪
你已经死了 离开了这个世界 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪
我们的邻居肖恩好心邀请我们去他家 Our neighbor Sean has kindly invited us to his
去参加所谓的”只有男生才能加入的夜晚” for what he described as a "boys-only night."
现在 我兴奋地猜测 Now, I gleefully assumed
那应该是某种混蛋圈子 that that would be some kind of circle jerk.
- 我想他不是这个意思 -不是的 - Oh, I don't think that's what he meant. - No, it isn't.
不管怎样 我已经邀请了柯林 · 鲁宾逊 Anyway, I've invited Colin Robinson...
啊 我爱你 Ah, mui, mui mesa love you.
那是你的朋友吗？ Is that a friend of yours?
梅萨 · 加 · 加 · 宾克斯 Mesa Jar Jar Binks.
哦 声音真好听 Ooh. That's a nice voice.
你不觉得这个声音很烦人吗？ You don't find this voice annoying?
我觉得这很有趣 真的 柯林 I think it's very funny, indeed, Colin.
我的叔叔弗维奥 My Uncle Fulvio
把这里都重新镶板了 看起来真不错！ did all the repaneling in here, so it's looking real nice. Oh!
- 弗兰基 米奇! -嘿！ - Frankie, Mikey! Hey!
你还记得我的老朋友拉兹以及 呃 他的朋友吧 You remember my old buddy Laz and, uh, his friend
- 罗宾逊 卡鲁索. - 哟! - 嗨. - Robinson Caruso. - Yo! - Hey.
你们在看什么 What you dudes watching? Ah,
本地社区大学曲棍球 local community college hockey, you know.
最纯粹的运动就是 The purest form of sport is
社区大学运动 因为他们 community college because you get 'em
- 就组建于高中毕业后 然后... -得了吧 起开 起开 - right after high school, and, uh... - Come on, move. Move.
在他们真正... 鲁宾 鲁宾逊 - Before they really... Robbie Robertson.
你做的门比窗户好 知道吗？ You make a better door than a window, okay?
- 我听说了 -闭嘴 I have heard that. Shut up.
- 他们想让你滚开 柯林 鲁宾逊 -哦 好吧 - They want you to get out of the way, Colin Robinson. - Oh. Okay.
坐吧 坐吧 我带了这些 Just have a seat. Just have a seat. I brought these
专为这种场合 especially for the occasion.
哦！ - Oh!
看看 -别问我从哪儿弄来的 Look at that. - Don't ask me where I got them from.
我也, I, too,
-有个小礼物 -哦 - have a little gift. - Oh.
你们对阿加莎 · 克里斯蒂很感兴趣 You guys are into the whole Agatha Christie thing,
对吧? 神秘谋杀游戏？ right? Murder mystery games?
”霍尼彻奇夫人和维克拉格代客 "Mrs. Honeychurch and the Hanging
- 的绞刑 -”绞刑是在... 牧师谷” - at 'Vykrage Valet.'" -"Hanging at... Vicarage Valley."
是的 玩这个要花些时间 Yeah. It'll take a while to play,
但如果我们现在开始 黎明前就能完成 but I think if we start now, we should be done by dawn.
操 Fuck.
嗯？ Hmm?
呃.. Eh...
是的 Yes.
- 好吧好吧别小题大做 -好吧 Okay, okay, don't make a big deal out of it. Okay, do.
- 别小题大做 来吧 -好的 - Do make a big deal of it. Come on. - Yes.
我觉得今天是我的大喜之日 I feel like this is my wedding day.
但我不该穿白色的衣服 But I shouldn't be wearing white.
那么... 让判决仪式开始吧 So... ♪ Let the Ceremony of Judgment commence. ♪
很好 Very good.
- 很好 -好吧 我来说吧 - Very good. - All right. Well, I will be the one who says that.
但在我们继续之前, But before we continue,
还有一件事我们要确认一下 there is just one more thing we have to check off our list.
- 进来吧 -哦 哦 - Come on in. Ooh. Oh.
这是一个行为/骚扰训练视频 This is a conduct/harassment training video
是由我们的人力资源部门布置的 that our human resources department put together
强制所有员工观看 as mandatory viewing for all employees.
- 好吗? -好吧 好吧 -好吧 我们快点进行吧 - Okay? - Okay, fine. - Okay, let's get it over with.
好吧 All right.
- 那么 这就完了? -是的 - So, that's it, then? Yes.
所以 这意味着在这里的任何东西 所有发生的事情 So, that just means anything and everything goes here.
他拍我屁股 你也摸我 He smacks me on the ass, you finger me,
我把他赶走 等等 等等 I stroke him off, et cetera, et cetera.
嗯嗯 Mm-mm.
我们发现这有利于团队建设 We have found it to be good for team building.
所以一切都会顺利进行吗？ So anything and everything goes?
是的 我们有点沉迷于做这些事情 Yes. We have sort of fallen into doing it all
- 在周四晚上把这事解决了 -哦 - on a Thursday night to get it out of the way. Oh.
否则 它会让你精疲力尽 Otherwise, it can be very exhausting.
我知道你们都同意共同领导 Now, I know you both agreed to be coleaders,
你们中只有一个人 only one of you
可以坐上这个王位 会是谁呢？ can sit on the throne. Who will it be?
- 呃 我 谢谢你 -好吧 我来吧 不 - Uh, me, thank you. - Fine, I'll do it. No.
让给她吧 权力总会偏向 Let her have the throne. Power is won
- 那些看起来最不想要的人 -但是王位 - by those who seem to least desire it. But the throne
很重要 我想坐在上面 -你会的 - is a big deal, and I want to sit on it. - And you will.
别碰我 -你们俩在嘀咕什么？ Stop touching me. - What are you two whispering about?
伙计们 王座只有一个 懂吗？ Guys? It's a one-person throne, okay?
这有什么难的？ What is so hard about this?
我是说 谁拥有终极力量？ I mean, who wields the ultimate power?
那个坐在王座上的人？ The one who sits on the throne?
娜嘉可以坐上王位 - Nadja may sit on the throne.
还是那个挑战坐宝座的人？ Or the one who challenges the throne-sitter?
- 谢谢你 南多 -不客气 - Thank you, Nandor. - Yes.
或者是那个 Or perhaps it's the person
在他们耳边低语的人 who whispers into both their ears.
当时我正在喝白兰地 So, at the time in question, I was having a brandy
和威尔逊牧师一起, with Vicar Wilson in the, uh,
- 好像是在马具室 -哦 - tack room or some shit. - Oh.
是啊 是啊 那么 你们最近睡眠怎么样？ Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, how-how you guys been, uh,
-呃 还不错 - sleeping lately, huh? Uh, you know, not too bad.
- 我一直在服用褪黑素... -是啊 是啊 我听说了 - I actually been taking this melatonin stuff... - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear that.
我也睡得很死 你知道吗？ I've been sleeping like shit, too, you know?
我的脖子都僵硬了 还有膝盖 My neck's been all stiff, and, uh, my knees,
一直肿着 情况很糟 那么 等一下 - they've been swelling. It's really bad. So, hold on.
-弗兰克死了吗? -没有 - Is Frank dead? No.
- 弗兰克? 我是弗兰克 -哦对 - Frank? I'm Frank. Oh, right.
我在和牧师喝白兰地 I'm having a brandy with the-the vicar.
知道了 我是牧师吗？ - Gotcha. Am I the vicar?
你是牧师 我的腰！ - You're the vicar. My lower back!
算了吧 太糟糕了 Oh, forget about it. It was terrible.
但后来我买了个新枕头 But then I got this new pillow,
商店里买不到的 which is not available in stores,
- 那么 呃... -那你是怎么得到的？ - and, uh... - Well, how did you get it, then?
不要问那么多问题 Stop asking so many questions.
总之 这是一个不可思议的产品 Anyway, it's an incredible product.
它彻底改变了我的生活 It totally changed my life.
好的 酷 哦 嘿 Okay. Yeah, cool. Oh, hey,
- 你们听说凯文被解雇了吗? -没有 - you guys hear, uh, Kevin got laid off? - No.
- 是真的 -凯文？ - Yeah. For real. - Kevin?
我现在睡得像个婴儿 I've been sleeping like a baby now.
真的睡得像个婴儿 Really sleeping like a baby
多亏了这个全新的 最先进的枕头 thanks to this brand-new, state-of-the-art pillow.
它叫什么名字？ What the fuck is its name?
等一下 等一下 我马上回来 Hold on. Hold on. I'll be right back.
等等 你看这种曲棍球球比赛吗？ - Hold that thought. You see this hockey match?
我们在伊顿公学也玩过这种游戏 不同的是, We played a game exactly like that at Eton. Difference is,
我们不玩冰球 我们玩的是公鸡 we didn't play with a puck. We played with a cock.
- 一只硬了的公鸡... -我们能不能 - A cock that had been hardened... Can we actually
说回到你那个被解雇的朋友？ get back to your friend who was fired?
嗒-嗒-嗒-嗒-嗒! -哦 凯文 是啊 太残忍了 Da-da-da-da! - Oh, Kevin. Yeah, it was brutal.
- 他拿到了... -这个叫男士专用枕头 - He got... - It's called the Guy Pillow.
- 专门为男士定制的-哦 - For the man who sleeps. Ooh.
是的 是的 就像电视上那个家伙 迈克林德尔 对吗？ Yeah, yeah, like that guy, uh, on TV. Mike Lindell, right?
这是我的枕头 这才是男士专用枕头 That's the MyPillow, and this is the Guy Pillow.
- 他们完全不同 -好吗 - They're completely different. All right.
冷静点 肖恩 我们不是枕头专家 Simmer down, Sean. We can't all be pillow experts.
好吧 好吧 Right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
我们能继续看比赛吗？ Can we get back to the game?
嗯 我有名片 Yeah. I got a card.
好了 伙计们别再强迫我了 Okay, stop twisting my arm, guys.
我给你一个小样 好吗？ I'll give you a demo, all right?
枕头和枕套一起的吗？ Does the pillow come with the pillowcase?
是啊 我很高兴你这么问 拉兹 Yeah, I'm glad you asked that, Laz.
这是一个抗过敏的枕套 It's a hypoallergenic pillowcase,
而且这一整套才 $49.99 and, yeah, the whole shebang comes for what? $49.99.
- 什么?-不是吧 肖恩 -[spits, chuckles] What? - What the fuck? Seanie,
- 50块买一个破枕头? -哇哇哇哇 - 50 bucks for a fucking pillow? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
这个枕头质量超好 而且价格也很优惠 This is a quality pillow but for a value price.
你们知道我打算怎么做吗？因为你们都是我的好朋友 But you know what I'm gonna do? Because you guys are my friends,
所以我决定每套再优惠十元 I'm gonna knock ten bucks off the top.
- 每套39.99 -哇哦哇哦 - That's $39.99 apiece. Whoa, whoa.
- 等等 你要卖这些东西? 你开玩笑吧？ - Wait. You're selling these things? You kidding me?
- 这些都自带销量 所以 你们谁要加入?-呃.. - These things sell themselves. So, who's in? - Uh...
- 审判仪式 - The Ceremony of Judgment
现在开始 will now commence.
等等 我正要.. - Wait, I was gonna...
好了 停下！ Okay, stop!
-停 我还没准备好-不不 - Stop. I'm not ready. No, no.
回到刚才的话题我不... 我很抱歉 So, back to one. I don't... I'm so sorry.
- 有什么问题吗?-南多太高了 - What seems to be the problem? - Nandor is very tall.
他往那一站 When he stands, his face is much higher
我就被他完全挡住了 than my face 'cause I am sat on the throne.
我看看我能做些什么 I'll see what I can do.
谢谢你吉尔莫 Thank you, Guillermo.
我有个想法 Here's a thought.
也许我们只需要把王位移走 Perhaps we just remove the throne
- -我有个想法 - from the equation. Here's a thought.
我们可以开始了吗？ Can we get this going already?
移开王位！ Remove the throne!
该死 Ah, shit.
- 哦! 哦 那是... -啊！ - Ooh! Ooh, that's... - Aah!
哎呀呀呀 Ay-ay-ay-ay.
够了 谢谢你们 戒灵 That's-that's plenty. Thank you, wraiths.
- 够了-谢谢 - That's plenty. Thank you.
- 很难取出来-好了没事了吧？ - Gonna be hard to get that out. Okay, we good?
- 大家都没事吧?-没事没事 - Everyone good? Yes. Yes.
太好了 - Great.
让审判仪式开始！ Let the Ceremony of Judgment commence!
我就不能说一次吗？ - Can't I just say it once?
好了 停下！ Okay, stop!
现在怎么办?-看起来太傻了 What now? - It looks so dumb
王位上空荡荡的 with the throne just sitting there empty.
她说得很有道理 She does make a good point.
你们休息五分钟别走太远 You guys, just take five. Honestly, don't go far.
你真正应该做的 What you really should do
就是别再像个傻瓜一样 is stop acting like a bunch of jabronis
每人大概要买25个这种东西 and get, like, 25 of these things each.
我通常不会枕着25个枕头睡觉 Well, I don't usually sleep with 25 pillows.
最新消息 你不用这个 News flash. You don't use these.
你买了额外的 You buy extras,
然后卖给你那些愚蠢的朋友 and then you sell 'em to your stupid friends
给自己赚点外快 for a little do-re-mi for yourself.
拉兹 别这样 Laz, come on.
我不用枕头 I don't use a pillow.
好吧 麦克 Okay. Well, Mikey.
拜托 我们好歹也曾经挤在 Come on. I mean, we used to sleep
- 一张床上睡过 -嘿 伙计 - in the same bed. Hey, buddy,
我不知道该怎么跟你说 I don't know what to tell you, you know?
我所有的朋友都在这个房间 All my friends are in this room, you know?
-不 算了 - No. You know what?
好吧 我是说 这有什么关系？ Fine. I mean, what does it matter?
别买 好吗？ Don't buy any, huh?
你们这群背后捅刀子的家伙 You bunch of fucking backstabbers.
谁在乎肖恩 对吧？ Who cares about Sean, right?
- 操我 对吧? 肖恩 - Fuck me, right? Sean.
操我? 操你！ Fuck me? Well, fuck you!
你会后悔没有加入 - Oh! You are gonna regret it when you didn't get in
这个高端产品的初级代理的 on the ground floor of this superior product!
该死的肖恩 Fucking Sean.
你没事吧 肖恩？ You all right, Sean?
老实说 拉兹 我不是很好 Honestly, Laz? I'm not doing too good.
我还以为你要买25个枕头呢 I was hoping you were getting, like, 25 pillows,
我还指望着纽曼 · 罗宾逊呢 and I was counting on, uh, you know, Newman Robinson
管他叫什么名字 or whatever the fuck his name is.
- 谁? -那个长得像胎儿的家伙 - Who? - The guy who looks like a fetus.
- 哦对 -然后南多和他男朋友 - Oh, right. - And then Nandor and his boyfriend
甚至都不出声 我是说.. don't even show up? I mean...
我不是针对你 Well, I wouldn't take that personally.
听着我知道只是.. Listen, I know. It's just...
南多看起来睡得很死 对吧？ Nandor looks like he's a real big sleeper, right?
我完全可以四十多卖给他 I could sell him, like, 40 large.
但是 你知道 那个家伙, And then, you know, the little guy,
听着 给他少十块钱 好吗? 他很穷 listen, get him for ten, okay? He's poor.
我是说 他到哪儿都穿同一件羊毛衫 I mean, he wears the same cardigan everywhere.
我感觉你还有别的烦心事 I sense there's something else that's bothering you.
好吧 好吧 All right. All right.
你得向我保证你不会告诉任何人 You got to promise me you're not gonna tell a soul.
- 我不会告诉任何人的 -夏梅都不知道 - I won't tell a soul. - Charmaine doesn't even know.
- 真的?-是的 - Really? - Yeah.
- 准备好了吗?-好了 - Okay, are you ready? - Yeah, I'm ready.
好了 嘿 哇 哇！ All right. Hey, whoa, whoa!
我也有个这样的表弟 但那不是我 I got a cousin like that, but that's not me.
- 真的? -是啊 我很尊重你 - Really? - Yeah, I respect you and everything...
好吧 你都不会记得 Okay. You won't remember anything
你刚才是怎么勾引我的 about how you attempted to seduce me just now.
继续你的故事 Continue with your tale.
我陷得太深了 I'm in too deep.
我买了很多很多枕头 I bought a lot, a lot of pillows.
我的意思是 特别多 I mean, so many.
有多少个枕头？ How many pillows?
妈的 -是啊 我还有那么多没卖 Shit. - Yeah. I haven't sold that many,
所以我不能付款给卖给我的那个人 so I can't pay back the guy who sold them to me.
现在他要带我去小额索赔法庭 And, uh, now he's taking me to small-claims court.
那么 你到底卖出了多少？ So, how many of these have you actually sold?
三个 Three.
是啊 夏梅想要一个 - Yeah. Charmaine wanted one,
但你不能卖给女人 因为.. but you can't sell them to women because...
- 这是男士专用枕头 -男士专用枕头 - it's a men's-only pillow. - Men's-only pillow.
盒子上是这么说的 Says so on the box.
是的 是的 这是有法律约束力的 Yeah, yeah, it's legally binding.
明晚就要开庭了我很害怕 拉兹 Court date's tomorrow night. I'm scared, Laz.
我不希望你再为这件事担心了 I don't want you to worry about this one second longer.
我想我能把你从这个漩涡里拉出来 I think I can get you out of this hole.
我真想吻你 拉兹！ I could kiss you, Laz!
也许我们可以 Maybe we could just put
盖上床单或者布什么的 a sheet or a cloth over it or something.
宝座是仪式中非常重要的象征 The throne is a very important symbol in the ceremony.
嗯 Hmm.
我有个主意不过... 算了吧 Well, I have an idea, but... Forget it.
我今天有太多事要做了 I have too many things to do today.
- 不 接着说 吉尔莫 -不 这是什么？ - No, go on, Guillermo. - No, what is it?
嗯… Well...
我在想 I was thinking,
为什么不给我穿上浴袍 why don't we put me in the robe,
然后我坐在王位上？ and I'll sit on the throne?
显然我不是吸血鬼 I mean, I'm obviously not a vampire,
但他们不知道 but they don't know that.
我认为 你知道 这种象征意义将继续存在 And I think that, you know, the symbolism will hold.
- 值得一试 我想 -我同意 -一个完美的解决方案 - Worth a shot, I guess. - Works for me. - An elegant solution.
好吧 我喜欢象征主义所以.. Okay. I love symbolism, so...
再高一点 A little bit higher.
这是一场大型的国际象棋比赛 It's all a big game of chess.
我只是没说谁演谁... ... 谁演谁 I just didn't say who was playing who... m. Whom.
快点！ Go faster!
耶！ Yeah!
我有点头晕 I'm getting dizzy.
好吧 那个恶棍艾欧瑞克 - All right. Uh, Iorek the Knavish.
我印象中戒灵看起来 The wraiths look much more disgusting
没那么恶心 than I remember them looking.
是的 我们让他们戴特殊的面具 Oh, yeah. We have them wear special masks
在审判仪式上 for the Ceremonies of Judgment.
让他们看起来更可怕 Makes them look much scarier.
五号? 又带错面具了！ Number Five? Wrong mask! Again!
每次都是这样 Every time with that one.
谢谢 继续.. Thank you. So, continuing...
恶棍伊奥雷克 Iorek the Knavish,
你的罪名是给吸血鬼同伴 you stand charged with selling
出售一种所谓的魔法药草 your fellow vampires a so-called magical herb
你声称这样可以保护他们 which you claimed would protect them
避免阳光的不良影响 from the ill effects of sunshine.
那太好了 Oh, that would be nice.
是的 的确如此 Yes, indeed, it would be.
如果成功的话！ If it worked!
请看 Please watch.
你是怎么得到这段录像的？ How did you obtain this footage?
乌鸦摄像机 - The Crow-Cam.
你好 Ah. Hello.
不见了 It's gone.
南多 这明显是杀吸血鬼的药 Nandor, it is clearly vampicide.
是的 强效杀吸血鬼药 Yes, multiple vampicide.
那我们应该杀了他 Well, then, we should kill him.
呃 也许我们应该 Um, it might not be a bad idea
仁慈一些以便 to kick off our reign with something
开创我们的政权？ that shows a bit more mercy?
是吗？ Yeah, hmm?
有没有监狱 Is there a cell
我们可以关他个 that he can be cast away in
几百年？ for hundreds of years?
如你所愿 - As you wish.
具体是多少年？ For how many years specifically?
- 500年! -100年 - 500 years! - A hundred.
- 150 -两年可以 两年就够了 - 150. - Two years is fine. Just two is good.
我们的下一个罪犯被指控 Our next offender stands accused
打破了所有的规则 of breaking just about every rule
靠这些规则我们吸血鬼才能生存在 by which we vampires keep our presence
在这个地球上 这是绝密 on this earth a secret.
好吧 听我说完 - Ugh. Boo! Okay, so, hear me out.
如果你告诉我这些规则 我是会遵守的 If you tell me the rules, I'd be down to follow them.
我可以继续吗？ If I may please continue?
是的 谢谢 Yes. Thank you.
德里克是蚊子俱乐部的成员 Derek is a member of the Mosquito Club.
是那个 呃 治安维持会吸血鬼猎人小组 It was that, uh, vigilante vampire-hunting group
我是意外加入的 绝对的意外 that I joined accidentally. Accidentally joined.
- 我的兄弟 然后我们 - My man. And then we went
和吸血鬼家一起去了那个怪屋 to that weird house with the vampire family,
然后他们袭击了我们 and they attacked us.
快点! 我们走! 我们成功了！ Come on! Let's go! We did it!
我们找到了.. - We actually found the...
然后他被抛弃了 是我抛弃了他 And he was left behind. I-I left him behind.
- 德里克在哪儿? -现在救他太晚了 - Where's Derek? - It's too late for him now.
从那晚开始我每天都很内疚所以.. I've had to live with that every day since that night, so...
我以为他死了 I-I-I thought he was dead.
德里克 Derek,
你被指控以下罪责 you have accrued the following charges
为了吓唬青少年 turning into a bat on the subway
在地铁里变成了蝙蝠 in an attempt to scare teenagers,
在市献血中心 stealing IV bags
偷输液袋 from blood donor centers across the city...
还有 你穿的是什么？ Also, what are you wearing?
你穿着糟糕的吸血鬼时装 You are wearing bad vampire fashions.
- 这是最令人发指的罪行! -好吧 我是说 - That is the most heinous crime! Well, I mean,
我不知道哪能找到合适的吸血鬼服饰 I didn't know where to get proper vampire finery,
但是购物中心的潮牌店铺有一些很棒的东西 but the Hot Topic at the mall had some really great stuff.
我的意思是 他们是时尚速递 但是.. I mean, they're fast fashion, but...
我可以继续吗？ If I may continue?
有一个无辜的人在公园长椅上睡着了 Feeding on bystanders out in the open
他公然吸人家的血 who have fallen asleep on park benches.
还有别的选择吗？ What's the alternative?
拥有一只无执照的地狱犬 Owning an unlicensed hellhound.
- 不好意思 你是说阿斯彭? -嘿 小子 - I'm sorry, y-you mean Aspen? - Hey, boy.
- 南多 小心点 -你在里面吗？ - Nandor, be careful. - Are you in there?
退后! 阿斯彭！ Stay back! Aspen!
- 坐下! -我能继续吗? ！ - Sit! - If I may please continue?!
- 对不起 我们还有很多事要做！ - Sorry. We've got a lot to do!
对不起 好的 Sorry, yes.
拥有一只没有执照的地狱犬 Owning an unlicensed hellhound.
哦 就是这样了 对不起 我们结束了 Oh, that was actually it. Sorry. We're done.
好吧 你犯下的这些罪行 - Okay. These crimes you have committed
都是卑鄙无耻的！ are despicable!
你有什么要为自己辩解的吗？ What do you have to say for yourself?
我不知道哎呀？ - I don't know. Whoops?
这回答烂透了 That was a shit response,
- 不是吗? -我确定 - wasn't it? I-I'm sure
他的意思是 what he meant to say is that surely
这些事情肯定有原因的 对吧？ there's an explanation somehow, right?
我现在只想做一些该死的事情 I guess I just do fucked-up shit now.
我就是这样 That's just who I am.
吸血鬼光顾着吸血 A vampire that draws attention to vampirism
是对所有吸血鬼的威胁 is a threat to all vampires everywhere.
是的 还有 我在想 Yes. And, also, I was thinking,
因为我们已经对另一个人仁慈了 because we showed the other man mercy,
而这个 我觉得这次我们狠点心 for this one, I think we just balls to the wall,
疯狂起来吧 just go fucking crazy.
我完全同意 I agree completely.
- 我觉得... -那我们就意见统一了！ - Well, I think that... - Then we are of one brain!
我们宣判你 We sentence you
- 死刑! -死刑 - to death! - Death.
- 抱歉 再说一遍? -德里克 你是 - I'm sorry, come again? Derek, you are
据此你被判处扔进白昼之井 hereby sentenced to be thrown into the Well of Daylight,
你会死在那里 where you will die
死在明日的阳光下 - by the rays of tomorrow's sunrise.
德里克 嗨 Derek. Hey.
- 吉尔莫 -嘿 伙计 我只是想 - Guillermo. Hey, dude. Just wanted
顺便过来跟你说... 对不起 to stop by and say, um... I'm sorry.
这都是我的错 我本可以做得更多 This is all my fault. I could've done more.
本应该是我被抛在后面 It should've been me that was left behind.
不 不 不 你不可能知道... 啊！ No, no, no. There's no way you could've known... Ah!
- 不 德里克 远离太阳 -啊！ - No, Derek, stay away from the sun. - Ah!
我觉得你应该知道的 I thought that was obvious.
嗯 你知道 我多少希望 Well, you know, I sort of wish
你帮我查下 我也不知道 maybe you'd looked me up and, I don't know,
给我一本规则手册什么的 given me a rule book or something.
有没有规则手册... 啊! 该死的！ Is there even a rule book... Ah! Goddamn it!
离开阳光 德里克！ Get out of the sun, Derek!
不! 跟着我的 - No! Just follow
声音! 这边 the sound of my voice! This way.
天啊 - Geez.
那会留疤的 - That is gonna scab.
我以为这是常识... 你知道吗？ I thought that would be common sense to... You know what?
给 穿上这个 用它遮住你自己 好吗？ Here. Put this on and cover yourself with it, okay?
别动 我带你离开这里 Don't move. I'm gonna get you out of here.
谢谢你 吉尔莫 Thanks, Guillermo.
啊 该死！ Ah, damn it!
我一直在想.. You know, I've been thinking...
哦 太好了 Oh, great.
我真的很惊讶你居然被娜嘉 I was actually surprised that you let Nadja
说服杀了那个叫德里克的家伙 talk you into killing that Derek guy.
娜嘉没有说服我做任何事 I didn't let Nadja talk me into doing anything.
真的吗? 可娜嘉还是强迫你那样... Really? And yet you let Nadja steamroll over you like that...
- 你说完了吗? -是的 但是.. - Are you done? - Yes, but...
- 很好 -你说过... - Good. - You said...
我以为我可以通过吹耳边风 I thought I had mastered the game.
来掌控局面 Just whispering in people's ears.
- 我们俩之间... -嗯？ - Between you and I... - Hmm?
可以发号施令 Calling the shots.
但是人们一直这么说 People have been saying that
说你判了那个叫德里克的家伙死刑 you just sentenced that Derek guy to death because
是因为南多令你这么做的 you let Nandor walk all over you.
歇会儿吧 吉尔莫 Have a fucking day off, Guillermo.
没人这么说 不要再说话了 No one said that. Please do not talk anymore.
但我还是觉得这次我是真的赢了 But I think I really biffed this one.
加里 · 德根诉肖恩 · 里纳尔迪案？ Garry Degen v. Sean Rinaldi?
到齐了 法官大人 Present and accounted for, Your Honor.
这上面说你有律师？ It says here you have representation?
哦 是的 Oh, yeah.
不要害怕 我在这里 Have no fear. Here I am.
肖恩受到了不公正的待遇 Sean has been done an injustice,
我不会袖手旁观的 他很幸运 and I won't stand for it. Luckily for him,
我对法庭上的那一套并不陌生 I am no stranger to the song and dance of the courtroom,
因为我自己曾经是高等法院的大律师 for I myself used to be a barrister on the Queen's Bench.
主要为我自己辩护 Mainly representing myself for crimes
比如拉客和色情 such as soliciting and pornography.
但我主要是为很多猪辩护 But I've mainly defended a lot of hogs.
还有马 And horses.
这是什么情况 演汉密尔顿吗？ What is this, some kind of Hamilton thing?
- 什么? -法官大人 我可以说句话吗 - What? Your Honor, if I may,
《纽约州法规》第82条 New York State Statute 82
清楚地规定法律顾问的着装不能 clearly states that legal counsel's attire cannot be
- 被歧视 -好吧 - discriminated against. All right, fine.
是啊 今天早上当我看到他戴着那个老太太的假发的时候 Oh, yeah. I googled that this morning
我在谷歌上查了一下 when I saw him in that old lady's wig.
作为他事实上的律师助理 我唯一的其他职责似乎是 My only other duty as his de facto paralegal seems to be
拖著他的文件箱到处跑 hauling around his file boxes, which...
我只告诉你一个人 Between you and me...
其实里面大部分是色情刊物 Mostly contain pornography.
各位大人 女士们 先生们 Now, my lords, ladies and gentlemen,
我觉得这里发生的事情太不公平了 I feel a huge injustice has occurred here today,
- 需要处理一下 -什么事？ - and it needs addressing. - And what's that?
这家伙有恋童癖的嫌疑 Well, this chap has the hair of a pedophile.
老实说 我大约300年没有 I've got to be honest, I haven't stepped inside a court
进过法庭了 for about 300 years.
- 反对! -这是你一分钟内的第四次 - Objection! - This is your fourth
- 反对了 克雷文斯沃思先生 -反对无效 objection in the last minute, Mr. Cravensworth. Overruled.
- 反对 -反对什么？ - Objection. - What about?
反对？ Objection?
所以 我的技巧 So, my techniques
和方法可能有点过时 and my methods might be a bit old-fashioned.
我可以接近那个婊子吗？ May I approach the bitch?
你说什么？ - What did you say?
我说: “我可以接近法官席吗?” I said, "May I approach the bench?"
- 啊 -你以为我说了什么？ - Ah. - What did you think I said?
好了 我准备好收尾了 Right. I'm ready to wrap this up.
普通人... 不管他是尼安德特人还是穴居人.. The common man... whether he be Neanderthal, troglodyte...
他们都有上庭的权利 They all deserve their day in court.
这是公平制度的体现 你说呢？ A slice of a fair system, wouldn't you say?
我想我听够了 谢谢 I think I've heard enough, thank you.
判处原告 Judgment for the plaintiff
共计12700美元 in the amount of $12,700.
她在说什么？ - What's she talking about?
我们输了 We lost.
搞什么？ What the fuck?
- 我要见娜嘉 -不不 - I need to see Nadja. No, no.
- 娜嘉? - 不 不 兄弟. - Nadja? - No, no, bro.
- 她不在那儿 -拜托 天啊 你好沉 She's not there. Come on. God, you're heavy.
我想我要吐了 -怎么了？ I think I'm gonna puke. - What happened?
他输了一场官司 Well, he lost a court case
他很难接受 我们去了酒吧 and he took it pretty hard, and we went to a bar
帮助他放松 - to... help him unwind.
- 等等 拉兹洛的律师? 对. - Wait, Laszlo's a lawyer? Yeah.
我们遇到了一些财务人员 接下来的事情你知道的 We met some finance guys, and next thing you know,
双份饮料 double-fisting drinks.
他们起飞了 我们就失去了拉兹的踪迹 They take off, we lose track of Laz.
他们一定是去泡吧之类的 - They must've gone out barhopping or something.
真不敢相信这是第一次 Oh, I can't believe this is the first time
我到你们的地盘 你们一定有很多古董 I'm inside your guys's place. You must do a lot of antiquing.
不 别碰那个 Nope. Don't touch that.
令人讨厌的詹妮弗 Jennifer the Dreadfully Loathsome,
我们想正式向你道歉 we would like to officially apologize for the distress
因为你的名字给你带来困扰 我们在此 your name has caused you, and we hereby
允许你从今以后改换名字 grant you permission to change your name henceforth.
是的 -按照要求 你将被命名为 Yes. - As requested, you will be known
令人厌恶的盖比 as Gabby the Dreadfully Loathsome.
- 盖比 -恭喜你亲爱的 - Gabby. - Congratulations, my love.
谢谢你 Thank you.
我想我们结束了 伙计们 美好的一天 I think we're done, guys. Excellent day.
等等！ Wait!
嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿！ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
这暴晒有什么意义 吉尔莫？ What is the meaning of this outburst, Guillermo?
他现在应该是灰烬了 He's supposed to be ashes by now.
这个囚犯被判处死刑 The prisoner was sentenced to death.
然后奇迹般地... 逃脱了 And by some miracle... escaped.
- 你在说什么? 你帮了我... -闭嘴.. - What are you talking about? You helped me... Oh. - Shut...
他逃走了! 但是根据 He escaped! But a-according to
吸血鬼议会行为守则附录18 Codicil 18 of the Vampiric Council Code of Conduct...
这是我瞎编的 I just made that up.
犯人有权请.. The prisoner is entitled to...
辩护律师！ a defense attorney!
哦 这该死的... Oh, for fuck's sake...
全体起立 尊敬的拉兹洛.. - All rise. The Honorable Laszlo...
好吧 你们知道他是谁 Well, you-you know who he is.
各位大人小姐.. My lords and ladies of...
陪审团 呕... jury. - Ugh.
呃.. Eh...
嗯.. Um...
还有吗? 好的... 太好了 Is there any more? Okay... great.
他的酒量一直不太好 He's never been very good with his blood liquor.
请允许我引用我最喜欢的喜剧演员蒙提 · 派森的话 If I may quote my favorite comedian, Monty Python,
“我们最好去拿个桶 ” "We better get a bucket."
他要吐了 He's gonna throw up.
我想他要吐了 - I think he's gonna puke.
不! 在那之前 我认为他是 No! Before that, I think what he was
想说他.. going to say is that he...
自愿照顾这个年轻的吸血鬼 volunteers to take this young vampire under his wing.
- 他是这么说的吗? -是的 当然了 Did he say that? Yes. And, of course,
让他 你知道 弥补他的过错 make him, you know, work off his transgressions.
还有担保 And also, uh, vouch for any future,
他将来的行为 对吧? 对吧 拉兹洛？ uh, uh, behavior of his. Right? Right, Laszlo?
拉兹洛？ - La-Laszlo?
那就是同意了? -是的 That's a yes? - That's a yes.
我觉得这对他来说是件好事 I think it would be so lovely for him
如果你让他赢了第一场官司 为了拉兹洛 if you just let him win this first case, just for Laszlo.
求你了 Please?
好吧 我现在根本不在乎 Okay, fine. I don't even care at this point.
- 释放囚犯 - Release the prisoner.
拉兹洛赢了一场官司！ Laszlo has won a case!
很好 干得好 亲爱的！ Very good. Well done, my love!
- 你赢了你的第一个案子! -干得好 干得好 拉兹洛 - You won your first case ever! - Well done. Well done, Laszlo.
恭喜你 Congratulations.
吉尔莫你救了我 Guillermo, you, uh, you saved me.
哦 不 谢谢你 好吧 Oh, no. Thank your l... yeah, all right.
是的 我想是因为我 Yeah. I guess it was kind of me.
嘿 嘿 嘿 嘿! 吉尔莫 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Guillermo, you step away
你离那个箱子远点 from that crate this instant.
把你的手从锁上拿开 - Get your hands off that lock
- 马上! -吉尔莫 - immediately! Guillermo,
地狱犬可不是好惹的 hellhounds are not to be trifled with.
别这样！ Don't do this!
你有没有停下来想过 Did you ever stop and think
也许这个家伙只是饿了？ that maybe this creature was just hungry?
- 还是害怕? -别 别 别开门 - Or afraid? - D-Don't. Don't open that door.
- 或者两者都有? -别这么做！ - Or both? - Don't do it!
- 嘿... ! -他来了 - Hey...! - There he is.
他只是需要一些爱和关注 He just needed some love and attention.
走吧 地狱犬 谁是好孩子？ - Away, hellhound. Who's a good boy?
好孩子 他是怎么做到的？ - Good boy. How is he doing that?
也许这是他神奇基因的一部分 Maybe it's part of his magical DNA.
- 躺下！ - Lay!
好孩子 Good boy.
显然他还有一个被施了魔法的蛋蛋 And he's got an enchanted nutsack as well, apparently.
没有人会来救你 ♪ Nobody gonna save you ♪
没有人会去尝试 ♪ Nobody gonna try ♪
时钟 它点燃了你的疯狂 ♪ The clock, it fuels your madness ♪
它让你忘乎所以 ♪ And it pulls you out of time ♪
是的 晚上好 先生 Yes, good evening, sir.
介绍男士枕头 Introducing the Guy Pillow.
对于一个拥有一切的人来说 除了.. For the man that has everything except...
不 没兴趣 Nah. Not interested.
我... 在此... 命令你.. I... hereby... command you or whatever...
在这件事上不要这么混蛋 to not be a dick about this right now.
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我会在你的审判日到来 ♪ I'm gonna be there on your Judgment Day, y-yeah ♪
你惩罚了所有的无辜者 却奖赏了施刑者 ♪ You punished all the innocent and rewarded the cruel ♪
你赶走了所有的忠臣 现在身边全是奸佞小人 ♪ You threw out all the healers, now surrounded by fools ♪
你跌倒时我会出现 ♪ I'm gonna be there when you stumble and you fall ♪
没人接你电话的时候我会出现 不 不 ♪ I'm gonna be there when no one takes your call, no-no ♪
我会出现在你付出代价之时 ♪ I'm gonna be there for your hell to pay ♪
我会出现在你的审判日 ♪ I'm gonna be there on your Judgment Day. ♪