南多！ Nandor!
他妈的南多在哪儿？ Where the fuck is Nandor?
南多最近有点奇怪 Nandor has taken to
总不在家里 slipping away from the house at odd times recently.
真让人恼火 Which is very annoying for me,
因为不幸的是 'cause, unfortunately,
我有件极其重要的任务需要他帮忙 I need his help with an extremely crucial task:
更新吸血鬼 立法委员会网站 Updating the Vampiric Council's website.
我都不知道网站是什么 I don't even know what a website is.
我还以为是和蜘蛛的什么东西 I thought it was something to do with spiders.
今晚就别拍了 Not tonight, huh, guys?
南多最近的行为很奇怪 Nandor's behavior has been very odd of late.
我需要隐私！ Privacy, please!
南多 南多... Nandor. Nandor...
我想我知道原因 But I think I know why.
他消失 He's been disappearing
是去了彭妮色情馆 to the penny pornos.
那是在镇上的一个房间 Penny porno is a room in town
男人付一分钱 坐在一起 where men pay a cent to sit next to each other
打飞机 为什么他要撒谎？ and whack off. Why would he lie about that?
我才不会遮遮掩掩 我要拿着大喇叭告诉全天下的人 I wouldn't care; I'd tell everyone that's where I go.
事实上 我刚刚从那里回来 In fact, I've just come back from there.
我真的不知道他去了哪里 I honestly have no idea where he's been going.
咚 咚 我进来了 Knock, knock. Coming in.
不管什么时间我都应该知道他的位置 我是他的保镖 I should know where's he at at all times. I'm his bodyguard.
太阳晒屁股了 Rise and shine,
睡着的 sleepy
这不是南多 And that is not Nandor.
我真的不知道他去哪里了 I honestly have no idea where he's going.
所以我们决定跟踪他 So we've decided to follow him.
我个人 Me, personally,
根本不在乎他去哪儿了 I couldn't give a shit where he goes.
但我不想让其他人认为 But I don't want the others to think
我是一个动不动就扮小丑的人 that I'm not down to clown at the drop of a hat.
你听到了吗？ Do you hear that?
绝对是他 That's definitely him.
为什么他来酒店了？ Why would he come to a hotel?
- 哇 - -Whoa.
听起来他很痛苦 Sounds like he's in distress.
你最好把门撞开 You'd better break the door down.
- 不 因为这听起来... - No, because it sounds...
- 可能是别的事 - 保镖 把门撞开 - It could be something else. - Bodyguard, break the door down.
好了 大家退后 Okay. Everyone stand back.
你们好啊！ Oh, hi, guys!
记得盖尔吗? 我现在正和她负距离接触 Remember Gail? I am inside her right now.
你好 盖尔 很高兴再次见到你 Hi, Gail. Nice to see you again.
嘿 盖尔 - 嘿 伙计们！ Hey, Gail. - Hey, guys!
好了 大家都出去 好的 Okay. Everyone out. Uh, yeah.
新浪微博 @摆渡字幕组 翻译 关注微博 了解最新影视资源 商业合作Q：20882169 字幕组翻译人员招募中报名群:397129952 追美剧 用美影预报app 下载地址：my8.cool
翻译：Megan/C路粒子
翻译：Long lived kid/流星雨
总监：微光倾城
秘密泄露了！ The cat's out the bag!
我恋爱了 Your boy's in love.
盖尔今晚到访 一切都必须完美 Gail is coming over tonight and everything has to be perfect.
我的恋爱 I have not always been
很少这么顺心的 so lucky in love.
虽然画中的女人们是我的37个妻子 Of course, there were my 37 wives,
但她们大多都恨我 but they mostly hated me.
不管怎样 我曾有一段空窗期 Anyway, I had a dry spell
大概有200年 for about 200 years.
然后我遇到了盖尔 And then I met Gail.
在过去的三四十年里 We have been what you might call off and on
我们俩时不时地联系 over the past 30, 40 years.
但我就是情难自已 But I simply cannot keep away.
她的热带水果香味的头发 Her hair smells of tropical fruits,
她的药物治疗过的头皮 her scalp of medication.
她穿着T恤懒洋洋地躺着 She lounges in T-shirts
T恤上印有音乐诗人罗伯特 · 塞格尔的肖像 bearing the image of musical poet Robert Seger.
还有她最喜欢的酸奶品牌 And her favorite brand of yogurt
是草莓香草酥 is strawberry vanilla crunch.
吉尔莫 你的迷你冰箱还在吗？ Guillermo! Have you still got that mini fridge?
正好 还在！ Yes, you do!
-太好了 -那是我的冰箱 - Great. - That's my fridge.
你要那个干...干什么？ What's... What do you need that for?
-这都是什么鬼东西？ - 那是药 - What's all this shit? - That's medicine.
得用冰箱冷藏保存... 没问题 I need to keep that refrigerated... It's fine.
医生说药如果不冷藏可能就会有副作用 The doctor said there might be side effects if I don't.
- 别这么没礼貌 - 你要我的冰箱干什么？ - Don't be such a snowflake. - Why do you need my fridge?
- 很好 - 怎么回事？ - Nice. - What is going on?
好多酸奶啊 That's a lot of yogurt.
- 你不吃酸奶 - 是给盖尔的 - You don't eat yogurt. - It's for Gail.
盖尔 Gail.
我当然为主人感到高兴 为什么不呢？ Of course I'm happy for my master. Why wouldn't I be?
但作为他的保镖 我的工作就是 But, as his bodyguard,it is my job
亲自审查任何和他待在一起的人 to personally vet anyone that he spends time with.
这正是我要做的 And that's exactly what I'll do.
南多 我们真的需要确定一下这些字体 Nandor, we really need to make a decision on these fonts.
我喜欢赫维提卡体 I like Helvetica,
它是为我们村里的笨蛋服务的 'cause it's the name of one of the prostitutes
其中一名妓女的名字 这些妓女们很友好 for the donkeys in my village and they were friendly.
- 你怎么看？ - 看什么？ - What do you think? - About what?
吸血鬼委员会网站的字体 The fonts for the Vampiric Council website.
我是说 我们可以做成富兰克林 · 哥特式 I mean, we could do Franklin Gothic,
不过有点太直接了 but it's a bit on the nose.
现在不行 娜嘉 拜托 Not now, Nadja, please.
盖尔今晚要过来 Gail is coming over tonight.
是的 我们很熟悉 Yes, we are familiar
- 盖尔 - 你现在在危险的边缘试探 - with Gail. - Now you're taking a risk there,
因为我妻子在这世界上最讨厌的人就是盖尔 'cause my wife hates Gail more than anyone in the world.
我对盖尔本人没有意见 I have no issue with Gail.
我有意见的是她做的事情 What I have a problem with
每次她和南多和好 is every time her and Nandor get back together,
她就给了南多希望 she gets his hopes up
让南多认为他可以把她变成吸血鬼 that he can turn her into a vampire
他们也可以永远在一起 and they can be together for eternity.
但是她总是拒绝 And then she always says "no"
结果就是南多总是心碎受伤 and then he always gets heartbroken.
这种事在过去的40年里 It's the same thing over and over again
一遍又一遍的上演 for the past 40 years.
看到南多这种样子 我很伤心 It really breaks my heart to see him like this.
好了 好了 亲爱的 All right, all right, my darling.
我是说我们都知道你讨厌那个女人 I mean, we all know you hate the woman.
这一点我们很清楚 That much is clear.
我喜欢她！ I like her!
啊 我还是告诉你吧 Ah, I may as well tell you.
噢... 我靠 Oh... for fuck's sake.
是我想的那样吗？ Is that what I think it is?
不 不是你 小变态 No, it's not, you little pervert.
这是个订婚戒指 It's an engagement ring.
我打算今晚送给盖尔 I'm going to give it to Gail this evening,
然后我要把她变成吸血鬼 then I'm going to turn her into a vampire,
那我们就能永远在一起了 then we are going to be together for eternity.
嗯哼 Mm-hmm.
他已经在那里待了几个小时 He's been down there for hours,
拼命地看看他自己能查到什么 desperately trying to find out what he can
有关精力吸血鬼的起源的线索 about the origin of energy vampires.
我就和你说 Between you and I, though,
我通常不会花这么长时间和他在一起 I wouldn't normally spend this much time with him,
但我觉得他对起源线索的进展越快 but I figured the quicker he gets on with it,
他也能越快闭嘴 the quicker he'll shut his mouth.
我的意思是这里有很多资料 I mean, there's tons of stuff down here
都是关于普通的吸血鬼的 about regular vampires,
但几乎没有和精力吸血鬼相关的 but almost nothing about energy vampires.
你找到什么了吗？ Ha-Have you found anything?
变身！ Bat!
我要找的到底是什么？ So what am I looking for, exactly?
我不确定 I'm not sure.
- 那可能要好几年 - 那是什么鬼东西？ - Could take years, though. - What the hell is that?
什么... 什么？ What... What?
那本书 - 就是本普通的书罢了 我... That book. - Just another book. I...
不不不 No, no, no, no.
这是本特别的书 This particular book.
是写的科尼利厄斯 · 董在博纳旅 Cornelius Dong's Adventures
-的冒险 - 没错 - in the Boner Brigade. - Exactly.
这本书从来没有出过精装本 That never came out in hardback.
也就是说这是假的 Which means it's a fake.
搞什么？ What the fuck?
该死 Shit.
我的老爷车！ My jalopy!
- 你的... 你的什么？ - 就是你面前的这辆车 - Your... your what? - Here she is.
我甚至都不知道你会开车 I-I didn't even know you could drive.
呃 我会开 Well, I can.
我... 我是个高素质的司机 雨人 I-I'm an excellent driver. Rain Man.
真的？ - You are?
那就好办了 因为我不是 Well, that's handy, 'cause I'm not.
而且我被禁止开车 那就是我的车被扣押的原因 And I'm banned, which is why it's been impounded.
吸血鬼议会那边没收了我心爱的老爷车 The Vampiric Council confiscated my beloved jalopy
因为我送那些矿工跨过州界 他们要惩罚我 to punish me for transporting miners across state lines.
我一直在想 他们把它藏在哪里了 I always wondered where they hid it away
原来一直就在下面 就在我眼皮子底下 and it's been right under my nose the entire time.
你还想知道什么？ What else do you want to know?
这里一杯酸奶 上面还有两杯 One Yoplait here and then two up there.
你是怎么得到这枚戒指的？ How did you get this ring?
那天晚上我杀了几个处女 I killed some virgins the other night,
其中一个戴着枚承诺戒指 and one was wearing a promise ring.
想必 他会一直守住这个承诺的 I guess that's one promise he's going to keep.
你刚亵渎了一具尸体 You desecrated a corpse.
噢 现在都什么时代了？能有几个年轻人 Oh, who even knows what counts
说话算数呢？ with young people these days?
-她来了！ - She's here!
-对 你说得没错 - Yeah, you're right.
没盖尔的时候 但凡任何跟理事会有关的 You're not gonna get him to focus on anything
他都没法静下心来去做 for the Council, not while Gail's around.
我举双手双脚赞成 And I totally agree.
你同意什么 我可是什么都没说 Agree with what? I didn't say anything.
拜托 明眼人都知道 盖尔在你 Oh, come on. We all know that you kind of think
心中就是个超级大贱人 that Gail is a little bit of a big-time bitch.
我没有不喜欢盖尔啊！ I don't dislike Gail!
为什么你们每个人都认为我讨厌盖尔 Why does everyone think I dislike Ga...
那是因为我们都是女人 真是 It's because we're women. That is so...
把你们的分歧放在一边 跟她聊聊 Put your differences aside and just talk to her,
-女人之间的事情 -关于什么？ - woman to woman. - About what?
我只是不想看到南多受伤 Look, I just don't want to see Nandor get hurt.
我坐在什么上面了吗? What am I sitting on?
噢 别担心 我来处理 Oh. I'll take care of that, don't worry.
可惜了 不是真的 Shame it wasn't his face.
这样好吗? 这里? Ah. Is this good? Here? Whoa.
壁炉 A fireplace.
真浪漫 Romantic.
我得说 南多他就是会散发不能言喻的魅力 Nandor's an acquired taste, I'd say.
就像 沙丁鱼 Like sardines, maybe.
你不确定你自己会不会喜欢上它们 Like, you're not sure that you're gonna like 'em,
就抱着试一试的心态 and then you try 'em
吃着吃着 一天就五六罐了 and then you eat, like, five, six cans a day
连续吃了一个月之后你会突然 for a month straight and then suddenly
你可能会说:“哎呀 我想我现在受够了沙丁鱼” you're like, "Welp, I think I'm sick of sardines now."
但是几年后 然后你就会说 But then, a few years go by, and you're like,
“我当初怎么就说我不会再吃沙丁鱼的呢?” "How come I never eat sardines anymore?"
对不起 我 Sorry, I was
只是... 我不是有意的 just, uh... Didn't mean to, um...
噢 进来进来 Oh, come in, come in.
我们刚在玩舔阴 现在在跳舞 We were just dancing in between rounds of cunnilingus.
你好 盖尔 - Hello, Gail.
你最近怎么样？ How have you been?
噢 你知道的 很好 Oh, you know. Fine.
我女儿住在罗切斯特 My daughter, up in Rochester
你认识不 就是那个做市场营销的？ - 太有才了 - you know, the one in marketing? - So talented.
天啊 Oh, God.
她的前男友 把她变成了清洁工 Well, her ex is just taking her to the cleaners.
然后是这个 我们一直在翻云覆雨的那个水 And then this, on top of the rain that we've been having,
就像”啊!”你懂吗？ 啊 - it's like, "Ah!" You know? Ah.
太多水了 Too much water.
-太多了 -你需要一杯酸奶 -Too much. - You need a yogurt.
-我买了你最喜欢的 -噢亲爱的 - I got your favorite. -Oh, boy.
酸奶！ A yogurt!
你喜欢吗？ 我确实喜欢 You like that? I do like that.
好看吧 感觉一下她的线条 美极了 Nice, hey? Feel her curves. She's a beaut.
啊对了 它用什么发动 Ah, yeah. What's it run on?
汽油和煤炭 Petrol and coal.
- 混合动力 -你可以这么说 - Hybrid. - You might say.
它叫做斯图兹 拉兹洛 It's called a Stutz Laszlo.
全世界只有四辆 其中一辆给了亨利 福特 They only made four. They gave one to Henry Ford
他把自己的那辆献给了偶像墨索里尼 and then he gave his one to his hero, Mussolini.
好像...还挺对 That... seems about right.
对 Right.
-你听到了吗？ -嗯呐 - Did you hear that? - Yeah.
来吧 伙计 我们去兜兜风 Come on, man, let's go for a ride.
你想去哪就去哪 We can go wherever you want.
黑山共和国 科特达祖尔 Montenegro, Cote d'Azur.
-只要你说得出来 -水牛城？ - You name it. - Buffalo?
就去那儿 Let's do it.
爽 Yeah, all right.
- 对了 这才像话嘛 -听起来挺有趣的 - Yes! Now we're talking. - Sounds kind of fun.
-一次小小的冒险 -出发 - A little adventure. - Yeah.
精力吸血鬼就喜欢公路旅行 Energy vampires love a good road trip.
我 本人 一直都是用我准备好的混合料 I, myself, always have my mix ready to go.
25部手机 25 "Hey There Delilahs."
还有混合果仁 Oh, and I have my trail mix.
当然不是为了吃 Not to eat, of course,
而是深入到 座位的裂缝 but to shove into the crevices of the seats.
妈的 我需要你帮我把它弄出去 Shit. I'm gonna need you to help me get it out of here.
好吧 后退一点 只是一点就好 Okay, just come back, just a little.
有什么问题吗？ What's the problem?
底下有东西堵住了 我来处理 Um, there's a block down here. Let me get it.
搞什么鬼？ What the hell?
-我撞到你了吗？ -你撞到....没错！ - Did I get you? - Did you get... Yeah.
我没有后视镜 I have no reflection in the rearview mirror.
你没 但是我有 幸好我闪避了 You don't, but I do. I reflect.
得了 Okay.
不要以为空间有那么大 Don't think the room is big enough.
-我觉得我们弄不出来 -我觉得吸血鬼议会 - I don't think we can get it out. - I think they
就是为这辆车而造的房 built this around the car.
它是围绕车建造的吗？ It was built around it?
就是围着车！ Around the car!
-我有个疯狂的想法 -什么？ - I-I have a crazy idea. - What?
你加入吗？ Are you in?
-好 -那是什么？ - Right. - What?
不！ No!
该死 不好意思啊 我伤到你了吗？ Shit. Sorry, man. Did I get you?
- 退后 -做什么？ - Back up. - Do what?
后退 Back up.
我不知道它能不能后退 I don't know if it can do that.
倒车 你这个白痴 Reverse, you shithead.
我之前想跟盖尔说些事情来着 I wanted to ask Gail something,
但是现在我想先去拿 but I wanted to go and get something
送她的东西 再跟她说 that I want to give her when I ask her that something
所以要是你可以 留下来陪着她的话 so maybe if you just stay here and keep her company,
我就可以去拿订婚戒指 I can go and do that
洗把脸 也洗洗鸡儿 and maybe towel off my,uh, face and genitals.
呃...好 Uh... Fine.
- 好吗? 谢谢 -没问题 - Yes? Thank you. - Yes.
我先走开一下 马上就回来 I'll leave you guys to it; I'll be back in a sec.
谢谢 噢 吉尔莫！ Thank you. Oh, Guillermo!
你有见过我的阳具专用毛巾吗？ Have you seen my genital towel?
-吉尔莫 -啊！ - Guillermo. - Ah!
我们只是... 我们只是 看《暮光之城》 知道吗？ We're just... we're just watching Twilight, see?
-戒指在哪里？ -什么？ - Where is the ring? - What?
盒子里的戒指! 给盖尔的 The ring in the box! For Gail.
-是这个吗？ - 给我！ - Is this it? - Give me that!
顺便借用一下这条毛巾 And I am borrowing this towel.
那是我最喜欢的毛衣 That's my favorite sweater.
-很简单的 -嗯? 好 -It's simple. - Mm? All right.
我们在这里把车拆了 We take the car apart here,
搬出去 然后在外面重新组装 move it outside, then reassemble it there.
在被没收之前你用了这台车多久？ How long did you own this car before it was taken from you?
-大约十分钟 - 哦 那没事了…… - About ten minutes. - Oh. Then... All right.
之前我跟柯林 鲁宾逊在一起的时间就 I haven't spent much time with Colin Robinson
没多久 最最主要的原因就是 in the past, for the main, obvious reason
他真他妈的超级让人讨厌 that he's incredibly fucking dull.
如果你买了一辆德国车 If you buy a German car,
八九不离十 你肯定就是支持纳粹党的了 you're basically supporting the Nazi party.
我不知道 也许 I don't know. Maybe
是我年纪大了 心也软了 I've gone soft in my old age,
但我注意到 他看起来有点孤独 but I've noticed that he looks a bit lonely.
我觉得应该花点时间陪他 I thought I'd spend some time with him.
你可以就当是我做件好事呗 I mean, you could call it my good deed.
你该不是在手淫吧？ You're not masturbating, are you?
我之前就从来没有 You know, I've never really
花这么多时间跟拉兹洛在一起 spent much time with Laszlo before.
娜嘉不在 议会那边有许多事情要她做 With Nadja being away so much with her Council duties,
我已经决定对那个可怜的家伙表示同情 I've decided to take pity on the poor guy.
我觉得他只是需要一个朋友 I think he just needs a friend.
你得把我说的都记录下来 You've got to keep notes as I'm talking,
否则我们就是在做无用功 otherwise it'll all go to shit.
我尽量跟上 Well, I'm trying to keep up
你编造的这些只言片语 with all these parts you're making up.
-这是什么？ -我不知道 - What is this? - I don't know.
就是你说的 摇摆不定的人 A wiggabuhbiggle is what you called it.
这个人对他的车了如指掌 The man knows his cars.
是的 事实上 我曾经认为 Yeah, actually, I used to think
我的父母是 能量吸血鬼 that my parents were energy vampires,
但其他的我就不知道了 but I-I don't know anymore.
我爸爸真的是又有活力又爱交际 My dad was really dynamic and outgoing,
有点像20年代的 kind of a RuPaul type,
鲁保罗 （1960年出生的美国演员、模特、变装皇后） but in the '20s.
还有我妈 我.. And my mom, I...
我不记得她了 I don't really remember my mom anymore.
你小时候妈妈就去世了吗？ Did you mum die when you were young?
不 她只是无聊 现在也是 Nah, she was just boring. Still is.
这是优惠券吗 还是什么 Is this the bonus pile or is that?
说实话 这个时候了 I'll be honest. At this point,
这是啥重要吗 I don't think it really matters.
-我曾经有个母亲 -是吗？ - I had a mother once. - Oh?
她长什么样？ What-what was she like?
我也不知道 我是保姆养大的 No idea. I was raised by my nanny,
他曾经让我光着身子学拉丁 who used to make me learn Latin in the nude.
-哦 -我还挺喜欢的 - Oh. - I quite liked it.
-你要走了吗？ -是啊 很晚了 - Oh. Are you leaving? - Yeah. It's getting late
我只想回我的公寓去 and I really want to get back to my condo
看《实习医生格蕾》 for Grey's Anatomy.
我想南多要问你点事 I think Nandor is going to ask you something
那件事 愚蠢 可悲 结果也是再一次被拒绝 stupid, pathetic, and, uh, get rejected again, as usual.
南多知道星期四的晚上 Nandor knows that Thursday nights
都是姑娘们的时光 are for the gals.
当然就是 我和梅瑞狄斯 · 格蕾 Meaning me and Meredith Grey.
但是今晚 今天是周六 But, uh, tonight is, uh, Saturday.
星期几？ It's what?
今晚不是星期四 是星期六 Tonight is not Thursday, tonight is Saturday.
抱歉亲爱的 你踩到我的裤子了 Excuse me, sweetie, you are on my slacks.
南多应该很快就下来了 Oh. I just think Nandor will be down
-再待会儿 就一会儿 -我得走了 - in just a little, tiny, one little moment... - I gotta go.
盖尔! 等等! 哦 我想和你谈谈南多 Gail! Wait! Oh, I want to talk to you about Nandor.
我们可以有一个女人间的谈话 We can have a girlie to girlie conversation.
真没什么好说的 - 盖尔！ - There's not a lot to talk about, really. - Gail!
等等 等等! 楼上那个天杀的男人 Wait. Wait! There is a bloody plunket of a man upstairs
他喜欢你 你这样就走了他会很受伤 who has feelings, and those feelings are going to get hurt
这样我们就没法为网站选字体了！ and then we will never choose a font!
- 盖尔！ -离我远点！ - Gail! - : Get away from me!
盖尔？ - Gail?
真他妈见鬼！ Fuckin' hell. Oh!
好多乳头啊 So many nipples.
嘘! 嘘！ Shoo! Shoo!
哦 南多 你都做了什么啊？ Oh, Nandor, what have you done?
我跟你说句大实话 I'll be completely honest with you,
我以前从来没有做过汽车重新组装 I've never done an actual car reassembly before.
是啊 没错 我的美人 - Yeah, no shit, my beauty.
你们两个搞什么？ What the fuck, you two?
你知道你们笨手笨脚的 Do you know what kind of damage you've done
给我们这些无价之宝 to some of our most priceless artifacts
造成了多大的伤害？ with this jackass stunt of yours?
晚上好 A good evening to you, too.
-我们可能碰到了一些事情 - We may have bumped into a few things.
你打碎了弗拉德三世的 You shattered the crystal blood chalice
水晶血杯！ of Vlad the Impaler himself!
你在阿门拉的石棺上砸出了巨大的凹痕 You left an enormous dent in the sarcophagus of Amen-Ra,
-你还撕碎了尿布！ -等等 等等 - and you tore the Shroud of Urine! -Wait, wait.
那里面有一块都灵的裹尸布吗？ There's a Shroud of Turin in there?
不 尿布 No. The Shroud of Urine.
那是完全的不一样的东西 It is a completely different thing
甚至更有价值 and even more valuable.
它被毁了！ And it is ruined!
你不懂 What you're failing to understand
我们在纠结怎么才能把这个东西 is the ball ache that we both had trying to get this
从里面弄到外面 from inside there to out here.
如果没有这个巨大的红色按钮的话 That would make a lot of sense to me,
我倒可以理解 if there wasn't a giant red button.
啊 神奇的机械车库门 Ah, the magic of mechanical garage doors.
好吧 我们在里面 Yeah, okay. But how were we supposed to see
怎么看到这个红色的大按钮？ the big red button when we were inside?
你说得对 你们这两个白痴 You're right. A couple of idiots inside
确实看不到这儿还有一个红色按钮 couldn't see the other red button?
上面写着“推开” That says "push to open"?
真操蛋！ Fuck it!
玩得开心点! 我得去叫保险公司的人来！ Have fun! I've got to go call the insurance people!
他们会把我撕成碎片 They're gonna rip me apart.
好吧 我还是回家 Well, I think I'm gonna head home and do my research
- 做会儿研究吧 -不 等等 - from there for a while. - No, hang on.
如果你愿意的话 我可以捎你一段 I can give you a lift, if you like.
-好啊 听起来挺有趣 - Yeah, sure, that sounds fun.
但是 你得给她加满油 You'll have to top her up, though.
没问题 Can do.
好了 Right.
-准备好兜风了吗？ -准备好了 - You ready to roll? - Yeah.
出发 Let's do it.
该死 Shit.
开玩笑的 我没事 Just kidding. I'm fine.
我很好 只是一点小火 I'm fine. It's just a little fire.
老实说 这么多年来 Honestly,of all the things!
你这次真的把我们惹毛了 南多 You have really pissed all over our pips this time, Nandor.
好的 盖尔碰巧是个狼人 Okay, yes. My Gail happens to be a werewolf.
-但是我们以前见面时 她还是个人类 - But when we met, she was still a human.
她只是最近被变成一个狼女人 She's only recently been turned in a werewoman.
狼女人 是女狼人的恰当说法 Which is the proper term for a female werewolf.
你知道这些 但你没告诉我们 And you knew this, and you didn't tell us.
好吧 我为那个女人说几句 - Well...I defended that woman
因为我妻子嫉妒她 against my wife's jealousy.
我不讨厌盖尔！ I don't dislike Gail!
但是这个 我的老伙计 你也太出格了 But this, me old chap, is a bridge too far.
你是在暗示 Are you insinuating
她变成狼的时候我会和她做？ that I would do it with her while she is in wolf form?
我确实做了 不过是处于蝙蝠状态 Because I did, but I was in bat form.
而且是做的时候仅限于用手 And it was exclusively hand stuff.
我们是吸血鬼议会领导人 We are the leaders of the Vampiric Council.
你们怎么看待我们中的一员 How do you think it looks that one of our own
和我们不共戴天的敌人做爱! ？ is porking our mortal enemy!?
吉尔莫 说句话吧 求你了！ Guillermo, say something, please!
哦 不 别把我扯进来 Oh, no, don't get me in the middle of this.
我只要主人高兴 I just want whatever makes my master happy.
正确的回答 吉尔莫 Correct, answer, Guillermo.
不会长久的 It's not gonna last.
难道你不觉得困扰吗 她欺骗你40多年 Does it not bother you that she's strung you along
一直不肯变成吸血鬼 for 40 years over becoming a vampire
狼人和她亲个嘴 and the moment a werewolf shows her his lipstick,
她就愿意献身变成女狼人了 she lets him turn her into a werewoman?
成为狼人不是犯罪！ Being a werewolf is not a crime!
我的盖尔唯一的罪过就是偷窃 The only crime that my Gail is guilty of is stealing.
偷走我的心 Stealing my heart.
拜托 伙计们 Come on, guys. Just
跟我来 见见她和她的家族 come with me and meet her and her clan
我们可以在一起生活 and we can mingle together.
过来看看 狼人也没那么坏 Come see that werewolves ain't so bad.
算我一个 谢谢你 柯林 · 鲁宾逊 - I'm in. - Thank you, Colin Robinson.
你算一个 拉兹洛？ -叛徒！ - That's one. Laszlo? -Traitor!
好吧 两个 - Fine. -That's two.
- 拉兹洛! -I 支持... 娜嘉... - Laszlo! -I make... Nadja...
哦 Oh.
我知道你对盖尔 I know that you have some
有点偏见 personal differences with Gail.
这很正常 作为女人.. It's only natural, as a woman...
我讨厌她不是因为她是女的 好吗？ I don't dislike her because she's a woman, okay?
好吧 女人 女狼人 随便啦 Okay, then. Woman, werewoman, whatever.
现在有很多女人 A lot of women these days
互相依靠 are leaning into each other.
合为一体 It's like a thing now.
这是你 这是盖尔 This could be you and this could be Gail.
我才不会和狗一起做信任练习 I am not going to do trust exercises with a dog.
求你了？ Please?
-为了我？ -好吧 - For me? - Fine.
-我去 -耶！ - I'll go. - Yeah!
好的 现在 听着 我们不是来找麻烦的 Okay, now, look; We're not here to cause trouble,
我们只是来 体现友善 we're just here to, you know, be nice.
不是来打架的 And nonconfrontational.
嗨 狼人们！ Hi, werewolves!
好吧 好吧 如果不是 亚当斯一家 Well, well. If it isn't the Addams Family.
你好 Um... greetings.
- 车! 车！ -嘿 - -Car! Car! - Hey...
车 Car.
上次我们在一起 Sorry about making you jump off the Circuit City
让你从电路城上跳下来 我很抱歉 the last time we were all together.
托比！ Toby!
搞什么？ 干得好 Oh, what the hell? Well-played.
这是规矩 这不是针对个人的 It's a protocol thing. It's not personal.
又见面了 你好 Hello again. Hi.
-很高兴... 我他妈... - Nice to... What the...
娜嘉 狼人吃东西时 Nadja, you must never approach
绝不能靠近 不好意思 a werewolf when they are eating. Sorry about that.
我很抱歉 I'm so sorry.
我们能重新开始吗？ Uh, can we start again?
是的 Yes.
我是查德 Uh, I'm Chad.
- 你记安格吧 -记得 Uh, you remember Ange. Yeah.
道格 托比 Dougie. Toby.
又见面了你好 Hello again. Hi.
- 天杀的! - 迈克尔！ - Oh, for fuck's sake! - Michael!
- 迈克尔！ 我就知道这不是个好主意 - Michael! - I knew this was a bad idea.
不 不 不 是的 非常好的主意 No, no, no. It's a very good idea.
拜托 伙计们 盖尔在哪呢 Please, guys. I haven't even seen Gail yet.
那边那个是她吗？ Well, is that her over there?
和那个狼人一起的？ With that werewolf?
安东是我偶尔 Anton is a guy
约会的人 碰巧是个狼人 that I date sometimes who happens to be
又碰巧把我也变成狼人 a werewolf, and he happened to turn me into a werewolf, too.
我和他也没那么认真啦 I'm not super serious with Anton.
吉尔莫！ -借过 - Guillermo! - Excuse me.
-借过借过 - Excuse me.
打扰了！ Excuse me!
请允许我自我介绍一下 Allow me to introduce myself.
我叫吉列尔莫 · 德拉 · 克鲁兹 My name's Guillermo de la Cruz
我就是那个吸血鬼的 and I'm the official bodyguard
官方保镖 of that vampire right there.
嗨 Hi.
然后呢？ And...?
哎.. Ay...
我不仅保护他的身体 Not only am I his bodyguard,
还保护他的心灵 I am also his heart guard.
你让我想起了一些事情 You just reminded me of something.
大家伙儿这个月 Guys, did we remember
都记得吃犬心保了吧？（犬心保：一种药 用于宠物体内驱虫） to take our Heartgard this month?
-哦 -要记得 - Oh. - You got to remember
吃犬心保啊 否则.. -我吃了 我吃了 - to take your Heartgard, or... - I took it. I took it.
-不然你们会长虫子的 -我们会长虫子的 - You're gonna get worms. - We'll get worms.
明白了吗？ All right?
天啊 Oh, Jesus.
我就说 不能相信你们这种人 I always knew we couldn't trust your kind.
呵呵 我也说 不能相信你们这种人 Well, I always knew we couldn't trust your kind.
-我一直都知道 - And I always knew
我们不能相信你们这种人 we couldn't trust your kind.
是的 我也一直知道.. - Yes, and I, too, always knew...
好了 够了 Okay, enough.
知道了 谁也不相信谁 We get it. Nobody trusts each other.
解决这个问题的唯一方法 The only way to resolve this
就是来打一架 is a free-for-all.
至死方休 To the death.
不 停下 停下 No. Stop. Stop.
还有一个更好的方法 解决你们的分歧 There's a better way to resolve your differences.
是吗？ Yeah?
像暮光之城那样 Twilight style.
那是什么？ 是...是电影 What's that? The... the movie.
暮光... Tw-Twilight...
你知道我在说什么 暮光之城 You know what I'm saying. Twilight.
我们应该踢球 We should just play kickball.
踢... 每个人都知道踢球 Kick... Everyone knows kickball.
我要踢你的蛋蛋 -从没听说过 I'll kick your balls. - Never heard of it.
来吧 天呐 南多! 你能做到的！ Come on, Nandor! You can do it!
南多！ Nandor!
我希望你不要太累 I hope you're not feeling too tired,
因为我可以玩一整夜！ 'cause I can go all night!
哦 我肯定 盖尔你那小小的蝙蝠老二 Oh, I'm sure Gail's completely satisfied
非常满意 with your tiny little bat dick.
我去你大爷的 I'll give you a bat dick!
按比例来说 鸡儿小点很正常 但是 I mean, proportionally, it is quite normal, but
小了它就没多大用了 it is slightly teensy and ineffective.
蝙蝠的老二 能有多大呢 I mean, it's a bat dick.
你知道不 You know?
传球！ Go!
快！ Go!
啊! 啊！ Ah! Ah!
加油 拉兹洛！ Come on, Laszlo!
亲爱的 用好你的小弟弟 Use the weight of your penis, darling.
准备好了吗 迪克 · 贾格尔？ You ready, Dick Jagger?
现在就发球！ Go now!
蝙蝠！ Bat!
上 拉兹洛 上! Go, Laszlo! Go!
他去哪儿了？ Where did he go?
我想他已经飞回家了 I think he's flown home.
拉兹洛？ Laszlo?
不! 不！ No! No!
- 动物形态是作弊！ - Animal form is cheating!
拜托 狼人们 你们就没在认真玩！ Come on, werewolves, you're slacking!
给我球 给我 Give me the ball. Give it to me.
离我远点 狗东西 Get away from me, dog.
-安东 快上！ 假装球 - Anton, go! Pretend the ball
- 是盖尔的头！ 我不讨厌盖尔！ - is Gail's head! - I don't dislike Gail!
那是个意外！ That was an accident!
该死 不 我还注意 - Shit. No, I-I did
不要打到她! 别拍了！ look out for her! Stop filming!
- 那是个意外! -盖尔！ 我的盖尔！ - It was an accident! -NANDOR: Gail! My Gail!
哦 我真的很喜欢她 请别拍了 - Oh... I really like her. Please don't film it.
我喜欢这个女人 I like this woman.
你给人家头上来了一球 现在她死了 You kicked a ball in her head and now she's dead!
我不是有意的 -我亲爱的盖尔！ Accidentally. - My sweet Gail!
- 让开 狼人！ - Stand aside, werewolf!
我知道该怎么做 I know what to do.
噢 Ow.
呼吸 美味的鲜血 Breathe. Yummy.
嗯.. Mmm...
鲜香无比 不错 Oh, yummy, yummy. Yes.
发生了什么？ What happened?
她还活着！ She's alive!
我没有杀她 I didn't kill her.
-我没有杀她 -我的钱包呢？ - I didn't kill her. - Where's my pocketbook?
你能站起来吗？ Can you stand?
-你能站起来吗？ -是的 我能站起来 - Can you stand? - Yes, I can stand.
我老了 但我不是残疾人 I'm old, but I'm not an invalid.
-哦 嘿 盖尔 - Oh... - Hey, Gail.
现在你成了吸血鬼 Now that you are a vampire,
我们可以永远在一起了 and we can spend the rest of eternity together,
有些事情 我想问你 there is something that I would like to ask you.
盖尔 玛丽 你从来没有告诉过我 你姓什么 Gail Marie you-never-told-me- your-last-name,
你愿意赏脸 would you do me the honor
成为我的吸血鬼新娘？ of being my vampire bride?
哦 南多 : Oh, Nandor.
是的 我以前结过婚 Yeah, I was married before
只是.. 婚姻不适合我 and it is just... it's just not for me.
-但是 - But, hey, you know,
也许三四十年后 maybe in 30 or 40 years
再走这条老路 结果说不定是怎样呢 down the road, who knows? I mean,
我们有的是时间 we have all eternity
来解决这个问题 to figure this out.
-我真的等你等了好久 -是的 听着 - That's ages, though. - Yes. Listen.
你会等我吗？ Will you wait for me?
会吗？ - 永远等你 - Yes? - Forever.
-找到你的钱包了 -哦！ - Found your pocketbook. - Oh!
好了 伙计们 All right, guys, I have
我明天一早得飞往水牛城 to fly to Buffalo in the morning.
我女儿的升职泡汤了 My daughter's promotion fell through.
-哦 -再加上天气 - Oh... - And then, with the weather
我们一直在.. that we've been having...
我是说 我真的 I mean, I really,
真的需要早点去机场 really need to get to the airport early, okay?
再见 盖尔 Bye, Gail.
- 再见 -再见伙计们 -我们爱你 我喜欢她 - Ciao. Bye, guys. - We love you. I like her.
再见 盖尔 Bye, Gail.
哦！ 哇 - Oh! - Whoa.
小心栅栏！ Careful of the fence!
啊.. - Ah...
再见了 亲爱的盖尔！ Bye, sweet Gail!
永别了 我的盖尔 Farewell, my Gail.
我可不想在这上面点来点去 I don't want to click on this.
这是我的第一个网站 This is my first website,
我觉得自己做地还不错 and I think I did a pretty good job.
嗯 要不再选个不那么尖锐的字体 Yeah. Maybe a less exciting font.
-我不喜欢 -你不喜欢什么？ - I don't like it. - You don't like what?
-我.. - I...
是我想的那样吗？ Is that what I think it is?
哦！ 想搭车吗？ Oh! Fancy a ride?
哦 我随时效劳 亲爱的 Oh, I'll ride on you anytime, my darling.
快点！ Come on!
那我呢？ 不用了 谢谢 How about me? No, thank you.
哦 盖尔 Oh. - Gail...
抓住我的手 很好 我记得这个 Take my hand. Lovely. I remember this.
好了 你可以放手了 好吧 Okay. You can let go now. - Okay.
还能再上一个人吗？ -当然能 Is there room for one more? - There certainly is.
再来两杯？ -你从后面包抄 For two more? - You're going round the back.
啊.. 好了各位 - Ah... All right, uh, everyone.
-系好安全带 - Get buckled in.
关上门 Close the door.
坐稳了！ Hold on to your butts!
哇 她真的能动！ Wow, she can really move!
你能按喇叭吗？ Can you honk the horn?
- 呜 -狼人！ - W -Werewolves!
坚持住！ Hang on!
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