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这是斯塔顿岛的黑暗时期 It is a dark time in Staten Island.
很多吸血鬼都被屠杀了 A lot of vampires have been slaughtered.
谢天谢地不是我们 我们没事 Not us, thankfully. We're fine.
但是我们真的还好吗？ But are we?
我觉得不好 I don't think we are.
最糟糕的是 The worst part
杀害我们一族的人 is that it was our familiar
是我们的亲信 that did the slaughtering.
最糟糕的是 The worst part is it was Nandor's
杀手是南多自己的亲信 own familiar that did the slaughtering.
是南多雇来的 It was Nandor's employee.
南多应该对这段黑暗时期负责 Really Nandor's responsibility.
- 是的 - 这事就该怪南多 - Yep. - Talk to Nandor.
吉尔莫确实是刽子手 It is true that Guillermo
我们对这个人都非常熟悉 the familiar that all of us share command of
他也应该对此事负责 and responsibility for... is the one that did the slaughtering.
但 他能从 - Aah! But he did it
吸血鬼议会手中拯救我们的生命 to save our lives from the Vampiric Council.
尽管如此 他还是不应该屠杀这么多吸血鬼 Still, he should not have done so much slaughtering.
坦白说 我对这点小事 一点兴趣也没有 I frankly couldn't give a cat's knuckle about Gizmo.
他就是那种拍马屁的人 I mean, he's just kind of this fluttering lickspittle
总是跳来跳去 跟在南多后面 that is always bouncing about, always behind Nandor.
- 但是南多喜欢他 - 闭嘴 柯林·鲁宾逊 - But Nandor likes him. - Oh, shut up, Colin Robinson.
- 你真让我恼火 - 是的 - You're giving me the pip. - Yes.
我们的时间不多了 And we are running out of time here.
那我还是闭嘴吧 Well, I guess I should just shut the fuck up then.
随你的便 If you insist.
我赞同 I'm not objecting.
我们知道该怎么做 You know, we know what we have to do.
必须在吉尔莫把我们都杀死之前 We have to put Guillermo to death
先把他解决了 before he puts all of us to death.
- 但他救了我们的命 - 那我们也可以说 - But he saved our lives. Okay, so we're saying,
谢谢你救了我们 但是很抱歉 "Thank you for saving us, but sorry,
你是我们不共戴天的敌人... 你必须死 宝贝 you're our mortal enemy... You got to die, babes."
但我们现在仍然有迫在眉睫的危险 But we are still in imminent danger.
提醒一下 因为屠杀吸血鬼 May I remind you all that we were sentenced
我们被吸血鬼委员会判处死刑了 to death by the Vampiric Council for killing vampires.
- 吉尔莫杀的 -然后又有更多的吸血鬼被杀 - Which he did. - And then more vampires were killed.
-也是被吉尔莫杀了 - 所以吸血鬼委员会会派更多的杀手来 - By him. - Which means they're gonna send more assassins
来抓我们 也许还会抓我们的亲信.. over here to get us. And perhaps our familiar...
- 是你的亲信 白痴 - 你雇了他 你这个蠢货 - Your familiar, dickhead. - You hired him, you bloody plonker.
吉尔莫是唯一能保护我们的人 Is the only one that can protect us.
但你怎么知道他不会杀了我们？ But how do you know he's not going to kill us?
- 他生来如此 -是的 - It is in his bloods. Ah, yes.
弗朗西斯高尔顿的未解难题 Francis Galton's perennial conundrum:
- 先天还是后天... -闭上你的臭嘴 - Nature versus nurture... Shut the fuck up.
- 说话小声点 柯林 · 鲁宾逊 -别说了 柯林 · 鲁宾逊 - Speak quiet, Colin Robinson. - Stop it, Colin Robinson.
大家放轻松 Everybody relax. I have given this
经过深思熟虑 我的决定是... a lot of thought, and my vote is...
- 你没有表决权 - 嘿！ - You don't get a vote. - Hey!
- 为什么? -你就是 - Why not? - Because you are basically
娜嘉的另一个版本嘛 just another version of Nadja,
你们俩会投一样的票 and so your vote would be the same as hers,
- 这不公平 -你怎么知道 - which is not fair. You don't know that.
- 就因为... - 抱歉 你投吧 - Just because... - Oh, sorry, you go.
- 不 你投 - 不 你投 - No, you go. - No, you go.
- 好吧 我投 - 好吧 - Okay, I'll go. - Okay, fine.
你会投什么票？ What would your vote be?
死亡 Death.
她的观点很有道理 What a brilliant point she has.
我觉得我们应该睡在这里 I think we should slumber on this.
我们没有时间睡觉! We do not have time to slumber! The Vampiric Council is probably
吸血鬼委员会很可能就像我们说的那样现在正在外面搜寻我们和吉尔莫 - out there now searching for us and him as we speak.
安静! 听 Silence! And hark.
是吉尔莫 That was him.
他想要什么？ What could he want?
也许他是在警告我们危险迫在眉睫 Perhaps he is warning us of an imminent danger.
或者他的便桶满了 Or maybe his poop bucket's full.
- 我们得检查一下 - 我希望是便桶满了 - We must check. - I hope it's the poop bucket.
哦 你们下去的时候 Oh, and while you're down there
杀了他 kill him.
翻译：Megan/不酸的柠檬
翻译：流星雨/╰擎光╰☆╮者
总监：微光倾城
吸血鬼生活 第三季 第一集
请务必使用扶手 Make sure that you use the handrail, because
因为楼梯很陡 - the stairs are very steep.
蠢货 Stupid prick.
上次给他食物是什么时候？ When was he last fed?
今天是星期几 星期天？ What day is it? Sunday, maybe?
真假的 天哪 感觉还在星期六 Really? Gosh, it feels like Saturday.
周末都去哪儿了 It's just, like, "Where did my weekend go?"
我说的对吗？ : Am I right?
我就说应该列个清单 This is why I said we should have a checklist
记录谁在什么时候给送的食物 of when he was fed and who fed him.
他在这里多久了？ How long has he been down here?
快一个月了 29天吧 Almost a month. 29 days.
已经一个月了 你还没决定怎么处置他？ A month, and you've not decided his fate yet?
我一直在努力 Well, I have certainly been trying to.
做这样的决定 有很多不确定因素 A decision like that, there's a lot of moving parts.
知道了 Got it.
记住 不要直视他的眼睛 Now remember, do not look him directly in the eyes.
我们还不知道他的能力有多恐怖 We still do not know the depths of his power.
我从来没有看过他的眼睛 所以我肯定 I never looked him in the eyes anyway, so I'm certainly
现在不行 把门打开 not gonna start now. Get the door open.
靠边站 Stand aside.
- 嗨 -吉尔莫 你为什么叫我们？ - Hi. - Guillermo, why did you summon us?
- 有没有迫在眉睫的危险? - 没有 - Is there a threat of imminent danger? - No.
- 退后! 他朝我们扑过来了! - 哦 -据我所知没有 - Stand back! He's lunging at us! -NADJA: Oh! - Not that I know of.
我的便桶满了 需要清空 - My bathroom bucket's full, needs to be emptied. Eesh.
- 好吧 也许你们这些高大强壮的男人愿意来... - 我来做 我来做 - Okay. Maybe one of you big, strong men... - I'll do it. I'll do it.
我觉得筛选粪便很重要 I-I think it's important that I sift through the scat
可以检查他有没有发出什么秘密信息 to see if he's sending out any secret messages.
走开 好主意 Scat away. Good thinking.
这是你的食物 Um, so, here are your foods.
谢谢你 娜嘉 - Thank you, Nadja.
- 你可以直接递给我 我接不住... - 别动 - You can just hand it to me. I'm not... - Stay.
- 我不会伤害你的 - 干得漂亮 - Not gonna hurt you. Nice job.
耶 又是生鸡肉 Yay, more raw chicken.
犯人 请把自己的便桶 The prisoner will slide his bucket of shame
放到小暗门那儿 over to the sally port.
犯人 And the prisoner will be reminded
也不要有任何突然的举动 not to make any sudden movements,
- 否则就会受到被电击 -我有名字 - lest he get the prod. - I have a name.
把便桶踢到小暗门这儿来 Just slide your shit bucket over to sally's port.
谢谢配合 Thank you.
小心点 Careful.
来吧 过来 There you go. Come to Mama.
这太荒谬了 你们就不能让我出去吗？ This is ridiculous. Can't you just let me out?
- 我是不会伤害你们的 - 放屁 大家记住 - You know I wouldn't hurt you. Bullshit. Please remember
这个人是个吸血鬼杀手 that this man is a vampire killer.
我是在保护你们 我救了你们的命！ I was protecting you! I saved your lives!
是的 我们很感谢 Yes, and we have taken that into consideration.
但是我们仍然在讨论 But we are still in discussions about
怎么处置你 what your fate is going to be.
哦 好的 我能问问 Oh, okay. And may I ask how far along you are
你们讨论多久了吗？ 还是我的问题 -无可奉告 in these discussions? Or is it one of those things - LASZLO: No.
只是你们诸多未解决问题中的一个？ Where you just linger and argue with each other
因为没有吉尔莫 'cause you don't have a Guillermo next to you
帮助你们来解决你们所有的问题？ to solve all of your problems?
- 这个该死的家伙 - 无礼! - 你得电他 - This fucking guy. -Insolent! - You need to prod him.
嘿 嘿 嘿! 犯人应该 Hey, hey, hey! The prisoner will be reminded
尊重绑架他的人 to treat his captors with respect
-要对他好 - 是的 - and kindness. - Yes.
- 否则犯人会尝到我愤怒的... -动手吧 - Or he'll taste the wrath of my... Do it.
别碰笼子 - 电击 噢！ Don't touch the metal. - Prod. Ow!
- 该死! - 该死 - Shit! Ay, shit.
- 你没事吧? - 我有事 快走 - You okay? -No! Let's go.
再在这儿待下去 We've lingered here long enough.
他就要对我们施展头脑魔法了 He'll just do his mind magic on us.
- 什么? - 他可能就是这么用我的赶牛棒的 - What? - That's probably what he's doing with my cattle prod.
不 别碰那头 柯林 · 鲁宾... - 噢！ No, don't touch that end, Colin Rob... - Ow!
妈的 - 妈的! 这不怪他 Ay, fuck. - Shit! That one was on me.
- 是我没有相信你说的- 我不要你相信我 - Not giving you credit for that one. I don't want credit.
我们很快就会对你的命运作出判断 We will make a judgement about your future shortly.
那谁来保护你们呢？ And who's gonna protect you, huh?
我不是在请求 I'm not asking
任何形式的特殊待遇！ for any kind of special treatment!
我只是想保护你们不受自己的伤害！ I'm just want to protect you from yourselves!
拉兹洛 拉兹洛？ Laszlo. Laszlo?
不 拉兹洛... - No, Laszlo...
噢 凎！ Ow, Fuck!
好吧 被监禁的第30天 Okay, so, day 30 of imprisonment.
其实还不错 Not bad, actually.
下面的无线网很好 我能 I get pretty good Wi-Fi down here, so I've been able
重温我最爱看的电视 to rewatch some of my favorites.
《吉尔莫女孩》 已经又看一遍了 Did another round of Gilmore Girls.
如果你们想的话 我可以带你们四处看看 参观一下 I can show you around if you want, give you a tour.
这是我的床 Here, this is my bed.
这是迷你冰箱 Here's my mini fridge.
还有一些鸡肉 他们认为我是吃生的 And there's the chicken they think I eat raw.
还有一些 Yoo-hoo And some Yoo-hoos.
我就是在那里... 上大小号的 And that is where I, um... yeah.
没有我 吸血鬼们不知道自己在做什么 Without me, the vampires don't know what they're doing.
没有我 他们什么都做不了 Like, literally they can't do anything without me.
他们甚至不会囚禁人 They can't even imprison someone.
你们想看点酷的东西吗？ You want to see something cool?
告诉你个小秘密 Here's a little secret.
我一直在做的就是 What I've been doing is I've been
趁他们睡觉的时候偷偷溜出去 sneaking out when they go into slumber.
柯林 鲁宾逊早上十点差一刻出门上班 Colin Robinson heads out to work by 9:45,
我就在那个时候起床 so I'm up by then.
我一直在这里 做所有的事情 I've been coming up here and doing all the things
为了房子能正常住 必须这么做 that need to be done to keep the house functioning.
当然他们没注意到这些 因为 Of course they don't notice, because
他们只是觉得这都是自动完成的 they just think it happens automatically.
事实并非如此 It doesn't.
是我做的 I do it.
小心 Heads up.
我想 我真的应该考虑一下 I mean, I should really just consider
逃跑 escaping,
离开 And leaving.
再也不会回来了 And never coming back.
特别是因为他们正在考虑 Especially 'cause they're considering
你们知道的 杀了我 you know, killing me.
- 谢谢 -但我只是想知道 - Thank you. - But I just wonder what
如果我不在这里帮助他们的话 他们要怎么办 would happen if I wasn't here to help them out.
他们就像一家人 They're like family.
我知道 I know
相互依赖？ codependent much?
听着 我对吉尔莫 Look, I, too have developed
多多少少还是有点感情的 a small seed of affection
但吸血鬼法则不可动摇 for Guillermo, but the vampire code stands.
他杀了吸血鬼 所以他必须得死 He killed vampires, therefore he must be killed.
那战士的法则是什么？ What about the warrior's code?
在战场上救了你一命的人 你就是欠他 A man who saves your life in battle should be owed
一份永恒的感激和怜悯 a debt of eternal gratitude and mercy.
啊 是啊 这个 呃 长期以来存在于 Ah, yeah, the, uh, perennial conundrum between
战士法则和吸血鬼法则之间的难题 - the warrior code and the vampire code...
什么... 那是什么？ What... Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that?
哦 最近这房子外面来了许多黑鸟 Oh, you know what, it's probably one of the black birds
可能有一只飞进来了 that's been gathering outside lately.
你怎么样？ How you holding up?
啊 不好不坏 马马虎虎了 Yeah, comme ci, comme ça.
我听不懂 I don't know what that means.
有什么新进展吗 So... has there been any updates
- 关于... 我的命运? -不 - on... my fate? - No.
看起来最后还是要杀了你 It's really looking like we're going to end up killing you.
好吧 Well...
- 我是个战士 -是的 - I'm a soldier. - Yes.
当然不是像你这样伟大的战士 但是.. Not a great warrior like you, of course, but...
- 哦 谢谢 -尽管如此 我还是个士兵 - Oh, thank you. - A soldier nonetheless.
谁救了你的命 Who saved your life.
而且会再救你一次 And would do it again in a heartbeat.
因为这是我赖以生存的法则 'Cause that's the code I live by.
战士的法则 The code of the warrior.
是的 Yes.
这就是我一直想告诉他们的 This is what I've been trying to tell them.
是吗？ You are?
战士们之间有法则的 There's a code amongst warriors.
- 战士法则 -是的 - The warriors code. - Yes.
可悲的是 只有我一人有这样的想法 Sadly, I am but a lone voice crying out in the
孤掌难鸣啊 wilderness.
我脚掌上扎了碎片 Ow. Fucking splinter in my foot.
这倒提醒了我 Which reminds me.
我给你带了晚饭 I brought you your dinner.
- 鸡肉 -是的 - The chicken. - Yes.
这几天我都给他保持室温 I let it warm up to room temperature for a few days.
哦... 嗯 Oh... mm.
- 我会开着灯的 -谢谢 - I'll leave the light on. - Thank you.
我在每个地方都装了摄像头以确保 I put these security cameras everywhere just to make sure
吸血鬼是安全的 the vampires are safe.
通常情况下 我只有在浣熊翻垃圾桶时 Usually, the only alerts I get are when raccoons get into
或者拉兹洛去后院的盆栽棚里 the trash cans or Laszlo goes out to the potting shed
打飞机时才得到提醒 in the back yard to, uh, whack off.
但是.. But...
搞什么？ What the hell?
你在棺材里睡得很舒服 And you're comfortable slumbering in your coffin
你知道那个该死的吉尔莫在家里撒野？ knowing that bloody Guillermo's poncing around the house?
我们可以把棺材锁起来... 从里面锁 We could get locks for our coffins... inside locks.
这样的东西真的存在吗？ Does such a thing even exist?
知道他在楼下那个地下室里 我都睡不着 I can't even slumber knowing he's downstairs
所以我一直在 in that basement, so I've been
盆栽棚里忙着 busy in my potting shed.
好吧 我一直在 Well, I've continued
研究吉尔莫便桶 to sift through his stinky pickles
里的臭粑粑 我可以确定 from his toilet bucket, and I can confirm
他没有泄露任何秘密信息 he's not smuggling out any secret messages.
干得好 科林 · 罗宾逊 Good work, Colin Robinson.
我会继续每天 But I will continue to sift through it
研究他的臭粑粑的... on a daily basis in...
- 那个... -什么？ - The... - What?
退后！ Stand back!
拉兹洛 趴下 Laszlo, get down!
哦! 搞什么? ！ Ooh! What the heck?!
你用木桩打我！ You hit me with a stake!
退后! 她要把你们全杀了！ Stand back! She's trying to kill all of you.
看 这就是我说的 他是个好士兵 See, this is what I'm talking about. He's a good soldier.
- 他会杀了我们所有人! -我没想杀任何人 - He's gonna kill us all! - I'm not trying to kill anyone.
- 我也不想杀任何人... -除了你! -太好了 - I'm not trying to kill anyone, either... except for you! Great.
接得好 - Whoa. Good catch.
谢谢你 Thank you.
淡定 亲信 Chillax, familiar.
你是个吸血鬼杀手 We get it: You're a vampire-killer,
那些木桩 那些下意识的动作 还有那些... 干得好 with the stakes and the reflexes and all that... great job.
- 耶 -现在 - Yay. Now,
- 我能说话吗? -你可以说话 - may I speak? You may speak,
但记着 dark shade, but, remember,
不要说废话 no bullshit from thy mouth.
但在你开口之前 But before you speak,
我先问一句 犯人是怎么从笼子里逃出来的？ how did the prisoner get out of his cage?
- 我晚点告诉你 -好吧 你的便桶情况如何？ - I'll tell you later. - Okay, but what about your poop bucket?
它是空的 半空的 或者大部分都是液体 I mean, is it empty, half-empty, mostly liquid,
还是有些林肯积木？ or are there some Lincoln Logs in there for me?
-好了 -听着各位 - Okay. Listen, everyone,
我不是故意要吓你们 I didn't mean to alarm you,
但我们一直没有你们的消息 but we haven't heard from you.
就派了87只乌鸦来召唤你们 We sent 87 ravens to summon you
这可是一笔很大的开支 which is a big deal for our budget.
有道理 出动了所有的乌鸦 - Oh, that makes sense... all the ravens.
那你们确实看到乌鸦了 Okay. So you did see them,
但就和像上次一样 当没看到？ and you did nothing, just like last time?
也许你可以试试用电话？ Well, maybe you could try using the telephone?
我们确实打过电话 We did try the telephone.
接电话是吉尔莫的工作 It is Guillermo's job to answer the telephone.
你为什么不接电话？ I'm sorry, but why did you not answer the telephone?
因为你把我关在地下室的笼子里！ Because you had me in a cage in the basement!
这个自作聪明的家伙总是有借口 Always an excuse with this wise guy.
好了 谈正事吧 All right, on to the business at hand.
我有个私人消息要告诉你们 I come to you with a personal message
来自全球最高吸血鬼理事会 from the Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council.
- 哦 该死 -是的 管事的委员会 - Oh, shit. - Yes, the council that rules
比其他委员会都重要 over all other councils.
你有录像机吗？ Now, do you have a VCR?
- 什么? -怎么拼的？ - A what? - How are you spelling that?
V-C-R. V-C-R.
-”维萨” -不是 - "Visar." - No.
- 真的有必要这样吗? -有必要 - Is this really necessary? Yes, it is.
众吸血鬼听令 Vampires all, draw ye near
以下信息 that ye may receive the message
来自全球最高吸血鬼理事会 from the Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council.
按播放键 Now press play.
这是倒放 那是暂停 That's rewind. That's pause.
按着呢 马上就开始了 - I'm pressing it. The Voice is on in a little bit
- 我们能不能... -小心点 - can we, uh... -NANDOR: Careful. - Ugh.
播放 Play.
嗨 Hi.
- 是冷酷无情的南多吗？ -Nandor the Relentless, Yes?
还有安提帕克西的娜嘉 -哦！ Nadja of Antipaxos, -NADJA: Oh!
莱斯利拉兹洛 克雷文斯沃思 柯林鲁滨逊 Leslie "Laszlo" Cravensworth and Colin Rubenstein,
为你们鼓掌 I applaud you.
恭喜你们 在血奴们的帮助下 Congratulations. With the help of your bloodthirsty minion,
几乎淘汰了 you have eliminated almost
三州交界地区 70% of the most powerful vampires
七成最强大的吸血鬼 in the Tri-State area.
什么? 那个血奴现在在这里？ What? He's here now?
- 我还在录视频呢? -他是在讽刺我们吗？ Right when I'm doing this piece? Tell him to go - Is he being sarcastic?
这听起来确实有点... ... 不太讽刺 -到我的棺材那里等着 It does sound a little bit... not sarcastic, - to my chambers and wait there.
- 讽刺还有个说法是什么来着？ -我说到哪了？ - What's the other word that sort of means "sarcastic"? - Okay, where was I?
- 啊 对了 -F开头的那个词 - Ah, yes. - Begins with "F."
为了防止你们觉得我在开玩笑 Lest you think I'm being facetious,
- 就是这个词 -我向你们保证 - That's the word. - I can assure you
我没有 I am not.
吸血鬼永不自相残杀 "Vampire must never kill vampire."
我们不是一直这么说的吗？ Is that not the thing that we say all the time?
- 我们知道...额...有些人知道 -在晚宴上 - We do. Uh... some of us do. - At dinner parties
- 我知道 -在社交聚会上我们会说 - I do. - And at social gatherings, we come and say,
嘿 你好吗 杰弗里？ "Hey, how's it going, Jeffrey?
吸血鬼永不自相残杀 Vampire shall not kill vampire,"
只是为了提醒自己很多很多年前 just to remind ourselves of that big law that we made
制定的大法律 many, many years ago.
但有吸血鬼杀了 But when a vampire kills, like,
37,38个吸血鬼的时候呢？ 37, 38 vampires?
他们就是 Well, these are vampires
懂事的吸血鬼 who know how to get things done.
- 他是不是很棒? -因此 - Oh, isn't he great? - - So this is why
我在此宣布 I am pleased to announce that
你们四个被任命为 you four are hereby appointed
- 新世界的美国东岸 -搞什么？ - to be the leaders. - What the fuck?
吸血鬼议会 -什么！ Of the Vampiric Council -Oh!
的领导人！ Of the Eastern Seaboard of the New World.
- 哇 真不错 -恭喜你们 Wow. That's sort of. - Congratulations,
- 连我都觉得很惊讶 -伙计们 干得漂亮 - a surprise even to me. - Guys. Well done.
非常好! -现在宝座归你们所有了 Very nice! - So, sit upon the throne with pride.
- 你们说了算 - You are in charge now.
我们会关注你们的进展 We will be monitoring your progress.
就这样 我该向你们告别了 And with that, I bid you adieu.
- 再见 -嗯 嗯 男人 【英语发音相同】 - Adieu to you. -Yeah, yeah. A dude.
- 去他妈的 -当然 - FML. -Hell yeah.
我喜欢宝座... 它们是我最喜欢的椅子 I love thrones... They're my favorite chair.
这是莫大的荣幸 It is a great honor.
但是 你知道 这也是一种责任 But, also, you know, quite a responsibility.
我在本地的 Well, I've been on the local.
吸血鬼议会已经待了几年了 Vampiric Council for a few years now.
不过是一直在底层工作 Mainly at an entry-level position.
我... 我能说什么呢？ I... Well, what can I say?
当头儿可真好 It's good to be the king.
梅尔 · 布鲁克斯 《世界历史: 第一部分》 Mel Brooks, History of the World: Part I.
我变成吸血鬼 I didn't become a vampire
可不是为了当官 to end up a pen-pushing bureaucrat.
而是为了吸血和做爱 I became a vampire to suck blood and to fuck forever.
- 但是你得承认这是一种荣誉 -我才不在乎呢 - But you must admit, this is quite an honor. - I couldn't give a fuck.
按停止按钮 这是录音按钮 Push the stop button. It is the record button.
我应该把它关掉吗? -他在和谁说话？ Should I turn it off? - Who is he talking to?
- 快关掉 -红色的那个 Just turn it off. - The red one.
我已经为无数可怕而传奇的议会 I have done the bidding for countless
传递命令 fearsome and legendary councils.
各位大人小姐 Lords and lady,
我从1759年起 I have assisted every local.
就一直协助当地的吸血鬼委员会 Vampiric Council since 1759.
都是精英中的精英 The best of the best.
现在我负责协助你们 I now stand charged with assisting you.
- 真不错 -好吧 - Nice. - All right.
现在有了这群人 And now we have these guys.
也就是说 Which is
不管了 这超出了我的职权范围 whatever, you know, it's above my pay grade.
这不仅仅是一种荣誉 You know, it isn't just an honor.
也是朝九晚五的一份工作 It is also a nine-to-five.
我想要全职工作 我可是个职业女性 You know, full-time working job. I'm a working woman.
这是一部关于吸血鬼议会领导人的纪录片 This is now a documentary about Vampire Council leaders.
我明天晚上带你们去吸血鬼议会总部 I will take you upon tomorrow's eve to Vampiric Council
这样你们就可以继承王位 headquarters so that you may assume the throne.
我曾经是人类的领袖 Once the leader of men.
现在成了吸血鬼的首领 Now a leader of vampires.
但还有一个问题 But one matter still remains:
吉尔莫怎么办？ What to do about Guillermo?
- 你一定要把我锁起来吗? -啊 也不是 - Do you have to chain me? - Uh, no.
那你为什么要这么做？ Then why did you do it?
只是看起来挺有趣的 Well, seemed kind of fun.
好了 进去吧 All right, get in there.
傻瓜 在你的主人面前跪下 Kneel before your masters, fool.
我不会下跪 I will not knee.
好吧 该死 All right, then. Shit.
谁... 谁把我手机的电池拿走了？ Who-who took the batteries out of my proddy?
- 就让他站在那儿吧 柯林 鲁宾逊 -我们都同意了 - Just let him stand there, Colin Robinson. - We all agreed
- 我可以再戳他一次 -是啊是啊 你尽力了 但有啥用 - I could prod him one more time. - Yeah, yeah, well, you tried, and nothing happened.
今晚我们有很多事要做 We have a lot to get through this evening.
吉尔莫 Guillermo
德拉... 呃.. de la... eh...
你叫什么来着？ What is it again?
- 呃 格林伯格? - 德拉 · 克鲁兹 - Um, Greenberg? - De la Cruz.
- 哦 -决定你命运的时刻 - Oh. - We have come to a final
终于来了 decision regarding your fate.
赞成宣布这个决定的 说赞成！ All those in favor of revealing this decision, say aye!
赞成！ Aye!
全票通过 It's unanimous.
基于吉尔莫 格林伯格· 德拉 · 克鲁兹 In the case of Guillermo Greenberg
-那不是我的名字 de la Cruz -Not my name.
屠杀了大量的吸血鬼 In the killing of many, many vampires,
我们对你的命运做出了最后的决定 we have come to a final decision regarding your fate.
我们决定... We have decided...
- 给你来点鼓点 -谢了 - Drum roll. - Thank you.
不杀你 Not to kill you.
至少现在不 At least not right now
也不是为了这个特殊的事情 and not for this particular thing,
不过我会一直盯着你 but my eyes are on you.
你刚才吓得屁滚尿流了吧？ You were shitting yourself there for a second, weren't you?
- 有点儿 -事实上 为了保护我们自身安全 - Little bit. - In fact, for our own protection,
我们决定 we have decided
让你成为正式成员 to make you a fully-fledged member of the team.
什么？ What?
你们要把我变成吸血鬼 You're gonna make me a vampire.
- 当然不会 -什么？ -Course we're fucking not, -What?
- 你个白痴 -开什么玩笑 - You idiot. - Fucking kidding me.
不 我们要做的事情 No, we're gonna do something
可比那好多了 much better than that.
你想再来一次击鼓还是... Do you want to do another drum roll or...
- 我觉得打鼓不是... -不 我.. - I don't think drum roll's... No. I...
- 就是这样 -我们会让你成为 - That is it. - We are gonna make you
吸血鬼 a vampires'
保镖 -啊！ - bodyguard. - Ah!
激动人心啊 - Hmm. Exciting.
不是... 不是什么羽翼丰满 Not... not really what "a fully-fledged"
-组织成员那种人... - 喂 拜托你搞清楚 - "member of the group" kind of person... Well, excuse me,
这可比做亲信好多了 it's a big bloody step up from being a familiar,
也比死了好 and it's way better than being dead,
- 你同意还是不同意? -同意吧 - so you gonna take it or leave it? - Take it.
- 好吧 我同意 -好的 很好 - Okay. I'll take it. Okay, good.
赞成接受他的请说“赞成”！ All those in favor of accepting his acceptance, say aye!
赞成！ Aye!
好的 很好一致... 啧啧啧.. Okay. Great. Unanimous... Uh, tut, tut, tut...
解开铁链之前 Before you remove the chains,
还有一件事儿要做 there's just, uh, another thing that you will have to do
来做个结尾 for it to be, you know, finalized.
这个东西可能 This thing, it might, uh
对你有点危险 might be a little bit dangerous. For you.
吸血鬼催眠 Vampiric hypnosis
是非常强大的工具 is a very powerful tool,
如果吸血鬼 which, if improperly used
有意干坏事 就可以任意操纵被催眠人 by the hypnotizer, can really mess up the mind
的思想 of the hypnotizee.
双重催眠 And the twice-as-powerful
会危害大脑 double hypnosis can lead
或者更糟的是 to weak brain or, even worse,
被催眠人的行为会紊乱 the thoughtless Sallies.
最糟糕的情况就是 And if things go very, very tits-up,
你的大脑乱成一团 然后死掉 you end up with full-blown brain scramblies.
不过呢 亲爱的 As we both know, my darling,
经验之谈 你要再上一个档 from experience, but take that up a notch.
进入三重催眠, To a three-way hypnosis,
那你可能会 well, then you might be
看到着紫色的尖叫亨利 faced with the purple screaming Henries.
或者更糟 Or worse still
半人半疯 half-man, half-madness.
但非常时期 But desperate times
非常手段 call for desperate measures.
那么 四重催眠呢？ So, a four-way hypnosis?
是的 事实上我们 Yes, and we've actually
以前从没做过这种事 所以…… never ever done one of those before, so...
是啊 而且事后你复正常的几率 Yeah, and the odds against you being normal afterwards
- 太他妈低了 -给我时间考虑一下可以吗？ - are pretty fucking low. - Do you think I can have a minute to think about it?
犯人需要点时间考虑一下 The prisoner needs a moment to think about it.
没关系 我想过了 It's okay. I thought about it.
他想好了 He's thounght about it.
好吧 我同意 Okay. And I agree.
- 太好了！-是啊 一个人待在牢房里 - Great. - Yeah, being alone in that cell
就会有很多时间 down there gives you a lot of time.
- 嗯 你们……你们就像我的家人 - Mm. - And you guys... you're like my family.
打住 没必要跟我们聊人生 It's okay, you don't have to give us your life story.
- 我们明白 我们是不是... -嗯 - We get it. Should we, uh... Yeah.
各就各位 Assume the position.
各就什么位？ What position would that be?
我他妈的一点头绪都没有 我们应该站在哪儿？ I haven't got a fucking clue. What is it?
嗯 你站在那儿 我们过去 Uh, stand there, we'll come to you.
- 是的 -好主意 - Yes. - Good idea.
四重催眠 Quadruple hypnosis.
吉尔莫 Guillermo...
格林伯格 · 德拉 · 克鲁兹 Greenberg de la Cruz,
你会感到自己 you will now find yourself
处于恍惚的状态 in a trance-like state.
天知 地知 你知 我知 Between you and I,
吸血鬼催眠对我已经不起作用了 vampire hypnosis doesn't work on me anymore.
很多年前 I mean, it used to, years ago,
他们第一次催眠的时候灵验过 when they first started doing it.
但我猜过了一会儿 我的身体就 But I guess after a while, my body just
对它免疫了 got immune to it.
醒来之后 余生 When you awaken, and for the rest of your natural life,
你绝对不能伤害南多…… you will in no way harm Nandor...
他们过去也用它做最愚蠢的事情 And they used to use it on the stupidest things, too.
用来让我做我已经做了的事情 Things I would've done anyways.
吉斯莫 停 Gizmo, stop doing that.
你能帮我一个小忙吗？ Could you do me a small favor?
把书给我拿来 Fetch me the book,
就在我父亲的骨灰旁边 which is next to my father's ashes.
快一点 Do it a bit quicker because
你打断了我看杂志 you are interrupting my magazine reading.
现在去地下室把巫师皮的帽子拿来 Now go into the basement and fetch my witch's skin hat.
你他妈敢 Don't you fucking dare.
所以 就是你想的那样 So, yeah.
我只是让他们以为可以催眠我 I just let them think they can hypnotize me.
谁会看出来有什么不一样呢？ Who's gonna know the difference?
- 等等 等等 -还有…… - Wait, wait, wait. Also...
每当柯林 · 罗宾逊提到你的名字 whenever Colin Robinson says your name,
你会像只猫咪一样喵喵叫 you will meow like a kitty cat.
那个…… The...
结束 End.
柯林 · 罗宾逊 你为什么要加上这一点？ Colin Robinson, why did you have to add that bit?
我只想要这一点！不行吗！ It's for me, all right?! For me!
吉尔莫…… 醒来 Guillermo... awaken.
你的大脑完全正常运作了吗？ Is your brain fully operational?
-是的 我没事 -他有事 - Yeah, I'm fine. - He's not fine.
他下巴松了 看起来像个笨蛋 He's got that slack jaw, half-wit look.
吉尔莫 现在你要 Guillermo, you will now
拿着柯林 · 罗宾逊的小弟弟和阴囊 take Colin Robinson's peen and scrotum
用手捏碎它 and crush it in your hand.
- 什么? 不 -好主意 - What? No. - Good idea.
是的 Yeah.
他会这么做的 He's gonna do it.
主人 对不起 我不能 I'm afraid I can't, Master.
虽然我很想 As much as I would love to,
但有种莫名的力量阻止了我 something compels me not to.
- 成功了! 耶! -成功了! -是啊 等等 等等! 不 不 - It worked! Yay! -It worked! - Yeah, wait, wait, wait! No, no.
是的! -等等 等等 吉尔莫？ Yes! - Hold on, hold on. Guillermo?
喵 Meow.
这招奏效了 It worked.
这栋楼 哎呀！ This building. Eesh!
我的骨头还在颤抖 Still sends shivers through my bones.
上次来的时候 Last time we were here we were sentenced
我们被吸血鬼议会判了死刑 to death by the Vampiric Council.
如果没有逃出这个鬼地方... Had we not escaped from this cack house...
- 我救了他们 -还有我 - I saved them. - We saved them.
如果没有逃出这个发荧光的陵墓 Had we not escaped from this fluorescent mausoleum,
我们就死定了 we'd be fucking dead.
首先... 感谢你们 First... thank you.
有人记得怎么坐电梯吗？ Does anyone remember how the elevator works?
南多 告诉它带直接我们去地下室好了 Nandor, just tell it to take us to the dungeon.
我想是 P3 I think it's P3.
这是我最喜欢的房间 Oh. This is my favorite room.
这个很好 非常好 This is lovely. Very nice.
你们都应该记得 And I'm sure you'll all remember
- 审判室吧 -不记得了 - the judgement chamber. No.
我们怎么会忘记呢？ How could we forget?
是的 我记得很清楚 Yes. I remember it well.
上次我们就是在这个房间里 The last time we were in this very room,
被判死刑 而韦斯利 · 斯奈普斯 we were sentenced to death and Wesley Snipes
- 就在那边的笔记本电脑上 -没错 - was right over there on a laptop. Right.
现在轮到你们 And now you're the ones who will be
判处其他吸血鬼死刑了 sentencing other vampires to death.
- 真不错! -不过 - Yes! -Yes. Which
这对我来说没什么意义 doesn't really make a lot of sense to me.
但是 不管怎样 那超出了我的权限 But, whatever, above my pay grade.
我是来服务大家的 I am here to serve.
真不错 行的 Good for you. That's great.
好吧 这个房间更大 Well, it's much bigger and
- 比我印象中的好多了 -是啊 - more impressive than I remember. - Yes.
怎么有点儿冷呢 Feel a little bit chilly willies, too.
是有点冷 - Oh. It is a little cold.
- 这些是幽灵 -太好了 These are the wraiths. - Oh, great,
我他妈快冻僵了 I'm fucking freezing.
别怕他们 - Oh! Do not fear them
- 他们是来为我们服务的 -谢谢 - they are here to serve us. - Thank you.
多谢 Thanks a lot.
亲爱的 它几乎和你一样柔软 Darling, it's almost as soft as you are.
非常好 Mm, very nice.
还会再来一个吗? 因为…… Are they gonna come back with another one? 'Cause...
会员才有这特权 Membership has its privileges.
晓得了 Clearly.
现在 在我们进入正题之前 Now, before we get down to business
- 哦不错 -你们哪一个 - Ooh, nice. Which one of you
会继承大师的王位呢？ will assume the Master's Throne?
难道没有一个让我们所有人坐的宝座吗？ Is there not a throne for all of us?
没有！ No!
我只是... 我以为 你看 我们有这么多人 I just... I assumed, you know, because there is more
王位不应该只有一个 than one of us, there will be more than one throne.
就是这样 听着 - This is it. Listen. Oh.
你们都是吸血鬼议会的成员 You're all on the Vampiric Council,
- 我们所有人? - 你们四个 - All of us? - But those... All four of you.
但是你们当中只有一个能做最高领袖 But only one of you can be the supreme leader.
就是统治所有吸血鬼的那位 The one who rules over all vampires.
统治纽约地区所有的吸血鬼 All vampires in the local New York area.
也是吸血鬼议会的所有成员的头 And also is the boss over all the other members
…… 只有一个 of the Council... only one.
那么 谁将成为最高领袖呢 So who will be the supreme leader
谁统治其他人？ who rules over all others?
- 呃…… 凎 - Um... - Fuck no.
- 我来吧 -我觉得我可能是最适合的 我觉得可能是…… - I'll do it. - I think I'm probably the best one for it, probably I think...
他们是白痴 They're idiots.
柯林 · 罗宾逊 我们还没决定谁上呢 ！ Haven't decided yet, Colin Robinson!
- 你给我下来! -我们必须一起做决定！ - You will not take it! - We've to make a decision together!
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