我们家被选中举办 Our home has been selected to host
一年两次的的吸血鬼群P the bi-annual vampire orgy.
南多
我们曾试过一年三次 One time they tried going triannual.
但那毫无意义 因为我需要 Which is bloody pointless, 'cause it takes me
拉兹洛&娜嘉
至少六个月才能从一次群P里恢复 at least six months to recover from any orgy.
没错 Yes, it does.
我们会玩得很开心的 We're gonna have some fun.
吸血鬼性爱就像披萨 Vampire sex is like pizza,
即使不好的时候感觉还是好的 in that even when it's bad it's good.
需要至少8个人参与其中 It's designed to be enjoyed by eight or more people.
可以选择"配料" There's a choice of toppings.
早上的时候 你会说 And in the morning, you're like,
"我的鸡巴上怎么会有刺伤" "Aah! Why do I have puncture wounds on my penis?"
吸血鬼性爱是欲望的嘉年华 Vampire sex is a carnival of desires.
到处是苍白的躯体 With pale bodies as far as the eye can see.
通奸 自慰 撒尿 纠缠 Fornicating, diddling, widdling, snarling.
可以持续数年的一次超棒体验 An amazing experience that can last years.
还行 It's fine.
吸血鬼生活 第一季 第九集
-我们需要血喷泉 -好 血喷泉 - So we need the blood fountain. - Okay, blood fountain.
一年两次的群P前一周 晚上6点45分
一些纯鸦片 大概10公斤 And some real, pure opium. About ten kilos.
我上哪去找 Where would I find that?
我们需要在墙上挂一些性感的画 We need some sexy paintings for the walls.
我在想把我们这幅画 I was thinking we replace this picture of us
换成那幅 我们俩都裸着身子 with that lovely one where we were naked
-屁股里夹着樱桃 -嗯 - and we have cherries in our bums. - Yeah.
我们能在地毯上 Can we get some sort of protective spray
喷满保护喷雾吗 to put all over the carpet?
因为拉兹洛会在地毯上射得到处都是 Because Laszlo will spray all over the carpet.
你不明白的是 What you don't understand is
举办一次糟糕群P会带来的污名 the stigma attached to throwing a poor orgy.
我认识有因为举办了糟糕群P I mean, I've known people who have committed suicide
而自杀的人 after a poor orgy.
我倒不会这么夸张就是了 I wouldn't go that far.
但我会杀了你 I would kill you, though.
然后再自杀 And then I'd kill myself.
这种耻辱是永不会消失的 There's no recovery from that humiliation.
我都不想提 但1937年 I don't like to even speak of it, but the notorious orgy
-那次臭名昭著的群P -不要 不要 - of 1937, well... - No, no, no, no, no, no.
那个年份都不要提 Don't even say the year.
很多糟糕的闲谈 It was a lot of just very terrible chitchat.
我都不忍提起举办了那次灾难的 I cannot even speak the name of the vampire
吸血鬼的名字 that organized that monstrosity.
我不在乎 他叫麦克 I don't give a fuck. His name was Mike.
该死的麦克 Fucking Mike.
我们需要缅甸旧式阳元和阴元神图腾组合[印度教传统] Oh, and we need an ancient Burmese lingam and yoni set.
保险起见 准备六套 To be safe, get six.
娜嘉 拉兹洛 听我说 Nadja, Laszlo, please.
吉尔莫是我的亲信 Guillermo is my familiar,
只有我能使唤他 only I can order him about.
谢谢你 主人 Thank you, master.
你有什么需要的吗 Is there anything you need?
需要他们刚才说的那些东西 All the things they just said.
吸水性强的毛巾 越多越好 And absorbent towels. Lots of them.
我差点忘了 I almost forgot.
最重要的是 我们一定 一定要 Most important, we must, must, must
找个鲜嫩的处子 get a succulent virgin feast.
关于这个 我一直想告诉你来着 Well, about that-- I've been meaning to tell you,
我好像把能找到的处子都找过了 I seem to have, uh, overfished that...
-毛巾你写了吗 -写了 - Did you write down the towels? - Yes.
你还得把那个躺椅盖起来 You need to re-cover that chaise longue.
因为我会射穿它 Cause I'll ejaculate straight through that.
我对群P唯一的担心是 My only concern about the orgy is, uh,
没有人会喜欢我的房间 that people won't enjoy my room.
从来没有人进来过 I've n-I've never had anyone in here.
我房间里装了迪厅的频闪灯 I have a strobe light up.
还有两个音响 用来放迷幻爵士 And a couple speakers playing, uh, some acid jazz.
还有什么来着 我还有 What else? I have my, uh,
忠厚的档案柜 my trusty filing cabinet.
我从小就想要个这样的柜子 I always wanted one of these
但是从来都没拥有过 when I was a child but never got one.
这是我买的第一个 It was one of my first purchases.
我还囤了些新斯波林[局部消炎药] I also stocked up on some Neosporin.
这有一些画和照片 I have some paintings, some pictures.
我挂了这幅画 因为展示了人类的食物 I got this one because it shows human food,
要是有人来这里的话 and if I ever have a human in here,
他们就会有家的感觉 they'll feel at home.
这幅画是从假日酒店里找来的 Uh, I found it at a Holiday Inn.
我现在已经兴趣盎然了 I-I'm-I'm really getting into it.
很显然 群P的那种镜面天花板 Obviously, the orgy standard of having a mirrored ceiling
不适合吸血鬼 doesn't really work for vampires,
我们有自己的形式和风格 so we have developed our own way.
我不 我不知道你要我说什么 I don't... I... I don't know what you want me to say.
看到什么就说什么 Just describe what you see.
这个场景很漂亮 有人心旷神怡地骑在 Well, it's a beautiful scene. Someone is seductively riding,
烛台上 上下扭动 uh, a candlestick up and down.
有人在沙发上吸着也被别人吸着 Someone's on the couch sucking and getting sucked.
-大点声 -吸着 - Louder! - Sucking and...
不行 我是不会参与群P的 不行 No. I will not be participating in the orgy, no.
吉尔莫 南多的人类亲信
而且 我也不会亲完就到处去说 Besides, I-I don't, uh, I don't kiss and tell.
但是 我可以 But I can tell you,
告诉你 is that, uh...
我不接吻 I don't kiss.
我们需要细节 We need specifics.
我在对我的美臀做什么 What am I doing to my ass cheeks?
你在 你在舔它 You are, uh, you're licking it...
你就描述下你所看到的 这不难吧 Can you just describe what you see? It's not hard.
-乖宝宝 就是这样 -一定是我生日了 - Good boy, that's right. - Must be my birthday.
我没法 真对不起 我成长在天主教家庭 I can't. I'm sorry. I was raised very Catholic.
-我得 我需要缓一下 -好吧 - I need... I need a second. - Okay.
他们要求我做这个做那个 It's just a lot of demanding things.
严格来说 我都不是他们的亲信 I mean, I'm not even, technically, their familiar.
他们还一直命令我去做各种事情 They've just been asking me to do all kinds of stuff.
这是个情趣秋千 疯子 不是性爱网具 It's a pleasure swing, you fucknut, not a sex net.
那个才是性爱网具 把它拿出来 That's the sex net. Get that out of the box
然后安在天花板上 and attach it to the ceiling.
"吉兹莫 把假阳具拿来" "Gizmo, get the dildos."
"吉兹莫 来试试假阳具" "Gizmo, try out the dildos."
"假阳具怎么样" "Mmm. How were the dildos?"
挺好用的 They're fine.
没人是疯子 好吗 No one is a fucknut, okay?
他在努力做好 拉兹洛 He's trying to finish it, Laszlo.
处子找得怎么样了 你有找到吗 没有 And what about the virgins? Have you got any yet? No.
-你当然没有 -但是我在... - Of course you haven't. - Um, but I'm just trying...
"但是 但是 但是" 你就跟个但是永动机似的 "But, but, but." You're like a nonstop but machine.
这提醒了我 你买了那个 That reminds me, have you ordered
-屁股永动机吗 -你知道吗 - the nonstop butt machine? - You know what?!
我要休息个五分钟 I'm gonna take five minutes
免得我说出什么会后悔的话 before I say something I'm gonna regret.
冷静点 Easy there.
还砰地关门 Eh... Slam the door.
你就这么放过他 You gonna let him get away with that?
他已经走了 处罚不了他了 He's gone, he's gotten away with it.
这完全不能接受 And it is unacceptable.
我会和他谈谈 I will talk to him.
-咚咚咚 -晚上好 主人 - Knock, knock. - Oh. Good evening, master.
你有什么吩咐 Is there something you need?
不 没有 只是来和你聊聊 No, no. Just coming in for a chat.
我注意到娜嘉和拉兹洛 I noticed that Nadja and Laszlo
在群P策划上把你逼得很紧 have been quite pushy with you with all the orgy planning.
没关系 没什么大不了的 主人 Oh, it's okay, it's not a big deal, master.
不 这是件大事 No, it is a big deal.
他们还把你关进这个贮藏室吗 And they locked you in this closet?
这是我的房间 This is my room.
我每个月付一千二的房租 I pay $1,200 a month.
如果我发现自己处于一个境地 If I find I am in a situation
就是一个白痴向我抱怨 where an idiot is complaining to me,
你要么杀了他们 you can either kill them
要么假装听他们讲 or you can pretend to listening to them.
所以你的意思是 So what you're saying is that
你的感情受到了伤害 your feelings have been hurt.
是有点 Well, kinda.
我们聊聊吧 Talk about that.
好吧 Oh, okay. Um...
-我有时候会觉得 -对 - Well, I just feel that sometimes... - Yes, yes.
我觉得人们在我讲话时 I feel that I have... People aren't listening to me
-都不听我的 -是的 继续讲 - when I speak. - Yes, yes, tell me more.
然后他们老是说"是" 他们并没有把我说的 And they just tell me "Yes," And they don't really listen
-听进去 -是 说出你的真心话 - to what I'm saying. - Yes. Really speak from the heart.
当我说出真心话时 我觉得并没人真的 When I speak from the heart, I feel like no one's really...
你的真心话讲完了 And now that bit is done.
群交用具 他们说这是我最爱的一些东西了 Orgy stuff. A few of my favorite things, as they say.
九尾鞭 The cat o' nine tails.
奥利弗·克伦威尔[英吉利共和国护国主]的头 Oliver Cromwell's head.
我的兜裆布 蝙蝠的兜裆布 My codpiece. Bat codpiece.
有两百年历史的藏鸟鸟斗篷 200-year-old peekaboo cape,
你走进群P the idea being you walk into the orgy,
报上自己姓名 you announce yourself...
然后这样 and then do that.
太棒了 Oh, yes!
等着看我的好夫人看到这个的反应吧 You wait till my good lady wife sees this.
在19世纪晚期 In the late 1800s,
一个令人激动的新媒介诞生了 a new and exciting medium was invented,
那个媒介被叫做电影 and that medium was called "Cinema."
然后差不多一周后 And then, about a week later,
它就发展出了色情片 that developed into pornos.
《极度好色吸血鬼的冒险》 1896年
听好了 我拍的第一部色情片 Now, the first porno film I ever made
叫做《极度好色吸血鬼的冒险》 was called The Adventures of a Very Randy Vampire.
我在其中是主演 And I played the leading role
饰演了那个极度好色的吸血鬼 of the very randy vampire.
我之所以能参演是因为他们觉得 I was cast because they thought
我看起来像个吸血鬼 that I looked like a vampire,
从来没意识到 never once realizing
我他妈就是个吸血鬼 that I was a fucking vampire.
我在这些年里参与了上千部色情电影的拍摄 I took part in thousands of pornos over the years.
就算你现在观赏 If you see them now,
情欲感仍不减当年 they are still very, very erotic.
亲爱的 我找到了个东西 My darling, I have found something
它会让我们的群P被传唱百年 that will have our orgy talked about for centuries.
把它先堆到那一摞去 拉兹洛 Just put it on the pile, Laszlo.
你好 康斯坦丁 All right there, Constantin?
-哟 -那是什么 - Oops. - What is that?
我真的不知道 I really have no idea.
要不我们看看吧 Perhaps we should watch it.
一年两次的群P盛宴前夜 派对用品商店 晚上7点20分
你不喜欢圣诞节区域吗 You don't like the Christmas section?
-别说那个词 -抱歉 - Don't say that word. - Sorry.
我们还在寻找处子 是的 We are still looking for virgins, yes,
但我的主人认为最好先买装饰品 but my master thought it'd be best to get decorations first,
这很有道理 因为 which makes sense, because, uh...
这样做就是有道理 Well, it just... It makes sense.
这个巧克力喷泉 So, for this chocolate fountain,
你可以放其他东西吧 you can put other stuff, I'm assuming...
-我的意思是 -比巧克力浓稠的东西 - I mean... - ...that's thicker than chocolate?
什么比巧克力还浓稠 What's thicker than chocolate?
你问过翡翠臀蛋吗 Did you ask about the jade buttock eggs?
我没问 No, I did not.
-黄油蛋糕 -臀蛋 - Butter cakes? - Buttock eggs
翡翠做的 用来塞进屁股里 made from jade that you put inside your butt.
他们应该没有 I don't think they have them.
我得去查一下 I'd have to check on that, for sure.
-不一定非得是翡翠做的 -我没见过 - They don't have to be made of jade. - I haven't seen it.
任何东西都可以 They can be made of anything.
但不能是银 But not silver,
因为 你知道 不然会疼 because, you know, otherwise, ouch.
-他在开玩笑 -我屁股里有个银蛋 - He's joking. - There's a silver egg in my butt.
你有吗 Did you carry them?
我们大多数是为孩子们做的战利品袋 We do mostly, like, loot bags for kids.
我不认为他们有 I don't think-I don't think they have them.
我很高兴我的主人要帮我找到一个处子 I'm very happy that my master's gonna help me find a virgin,
因为在这些街上选择很少 'cause it is slim pickings out here in these streets.
基督教学院的贞洁俱乐部似乎有希望 The Christian college chastity club seemed promising
直到我发现他们大多数人对 until I found out that most of them had a...
"处子"的理解和常人不同 different definition of "Virgin" than the common one.
信不信由你 全面强健健身房里到处都是处子 Believe it or not, CrossFit gyms are full of virgins.
没有人碰过他们 原因是 No one's touched them, and the reason being
他们不会停止念叨全面强健 is because they won't shut up about CrossFit.
如果你看到一个人 If you saw a man
戴着这个面具 dressed in this mask,
你认为会破坏气氛 would you think it was a mood killer
还是会激发你性欲 or would you come?
我不确定 I'm not sure.
等等 Wait, wait, wait.
看看那个男人 吉尔莫 Look at that man, Guillermo.
他看起来很美味 He looks delicious.
他一定是个处子 He has to be a virgin.
我不认为他是个处子 我们应该 I don't think he's a virgin. We should just probably
-继续购物 -他是个处子 - keep shopping... - He is a virgin.
吉尔莫 Guillermo!
你好 杰瑞米 Hey! Jeremy!
-我就觉得是你 -是我 没错 - Is that... I thought it was you. - It was me, yeah.
-没错 -你最近去哪儿了 - Yeah. - Where have you been lately?
我们最近玩了几次疯狂的堡垒之夜 We've been having some hella crazy Fortnite sessions.
没有了老吉尔莫哥特2000 Hasn't been as fun
都没那么好玩了 without old GuillermoGoth2000.
-该死 我 -你是不是换了 - Oh, shit. No, my... - Did you-did you change
-你的玩家代号 你可以跟我说 -没有 - your gamertag? You can tell me. - No, no.
-工作原因 我老板总是... -我很遗憾 - Work stuff. It's... My boss just keeps... - I'm so sorry.
缠着我不放 you know, riding me.
-不过很开心和你聊天 -嗯 - You know, it was good talking to you though. - Yeah.
保重 再见 So, take care. I'll see you, okay?
你要办派对什么的吗 You having a party or something?
不 No.
是的 Yes.
是的 我们要办派对 Yes, we are having a party,
我们很乐意邀请你来 and we'd very much love to extend an invitation.
不 我觉得杰瑞米和他女友 No, I don't think Jeremy and his girlfriend
不会想来参加无聊派对的 would, uh, want to come to a lame party.
-这 -我没 - It's just... - I don't...
-我没女友 -你有的 - I don't have a girlfriend. - Yeah, you do.
你是在说 Oh, you're...
-对 -不 那次那人是假冒的 - Yeah. - No, that was a catfish.
杰瑞米绝对是处男 百分百的处男 Jeremy is definitely a virgin. I mean, big-time.
但他也是我朋友 But, um... he's also my friend.
-嗯 -不过还是有个女生的 对吗 - Yeah. - There was a girl though, right?
-是的 -嗯 - Oh. Yeah. - Yeah.
我之前开始见一个女的 Oh, I just started seeing this woman.
-对 -嗯 - There you go. - Yeah.
我就知道 Yeah, I thought so.
-所以 -是为了去治疗我流鼻血 - So... - It's for my nosebleeds.
-天 杰瑞米 -并不太顺利 - Geez, Jeremy. God. - It's not going well.
但你知道 一旦我最终把这控制住 But, you know, once I finally have that under control,
也许我会遇见那个她 maybe I'll finally meet someone.
天呐 Oh, boy.
糟糕 Okay. Oops.
-这就是流鼻血 -嗯 - Yeah, that's a nosebleed. - Yeah.
我要去找更多的纸 Just gonna go find some more tissues,
因为这张很快就会沾满 'cause this one's gonna be full any second.
-走吧 快离开 -好 - Just go. Just get out of here. - Yeah, okay.
很高兴认识你 Nice to meet you. Hey.
-走吧 杰瑞米 走 -好 - Just go, Jeremy. Just go. - Yeah, okay.
我喜欢把我私人生活和工作分开 You know, I like to keep my personal life and my work life separate.
我不想两者有交集 I don't want them to cross over.
这样你遇到一个你要牺牲的人会轻松一点 Makes it easier when you find someone that you're gonna sacri...
嗯 Yeah.
这是我尝过的最纯洁的血 That is some of the most virginal blood I've ever tasted.
我们必须让他来 We must have him.
这任务有点艰巨 It's gonna be a tough one.
《吸血鬼乐趣》 1927年
那是个喜欢自己工作的人 There's a man who enjoys his work.
这片被禁了60年 This was banned for 60 years.
靠 我好下流 Zounds! I'm indecent!
该离开了 Time to 23 skidoo.
或者我该说"该溜了"[相互口交] Or should I say "69 skidoo"?
我们来看看缺了明星四分卫的 Let's see State College win their big game
州立大学要怎么赢得比赛 without their star quarterback.
《校队吸血鬼》 1954年
我要怎么补偿你 How can I ever make it up to you?
爽 太爽了 Oh, yeah. Be-Bop-A-Lube-a, yeah.
我要喷射了 I'm about to launch a Sputnik.
没有什么比发现 There is nothing more devastating
你老公拍过色情片更打击人的了 than finding out your husband has made porn
而且还无聊透顶 and it's so bloody boring.
你多大 So, how old are you?
267岁 267.
我开玩笑的 I joke.
《漫步在野外》 1978年
我18岁 I'm 18.
你以前有和男人在一起过吗 Have you ever been with a man before?
你想要我怎么回答 菲利普 And how would you like me to answer that, Philip?
不 No.
你绝对不知道接下来会怎么发展 You'll never guess where this is going.
那答案就是没有 Then the answer's no.
这些视频唯一的好处就是 The only thing those videos were good for
能让哭泣的小孩睡着 was for putting crying babies to sleep.
现在是90年代 And now the 1990s.
还能再性感一点吗 Could it be any sexier?
你去哪了 我1小时前就传呼了你 Where have you been? I paged you over an hour ago.
《宋飞操》 1993年
这些随时都在传呼的人是谁 Who are these people who are always paging?
传呼机到底有什么用 And what's the deal with pagers?
闭嘴 马上过来 Shut up and get over here.
嗯 Mm. Yep.
这就是我现在想做的事 This is exactly what I want to be doing right now.
拉兹洛 亲爱的 我觉得你的作品 Laszlo, darling, I just think your work,
虽然很刺激 as stimulating as it is,
但不太适合我们的群P it is not quite right for our orgy.
就像是给教徒看的黄片 It-It's like erotica for churchgoers.
《蒸汽房里被戏弄的吸血鬼》也是吗 Even Vampire Tricked in Steam Room?
那部根本就毫无逻辑 That one didn't even make any sense.
你自己都看不到你在做什么 I mean, how could we see what you were doing
我们要怎么看到 but you couldn't?
不不 你理解错了 亲爱的 No, no, no, no. You've misunderstood it, my darling.
情况是我坐在那 What happens in that is I'm sat there,
以为身边全是女人 surrounded, I think, by women.
蒸汽渐渐消失 The steam subsides,
我意识到我周围其实全是男人 and I realize I'm actually surrounded by chaps.
但我很享受其中 But I enjoy it.
这我看懂了 Well, I got that bit.
我只是觉得 I just think...
很无聊 it's boring.
无聊 Boring?
你觉得那无聊 You think it's all boring?
我要回卧房了 I shall be in our bedchamber.
拉兹洛 Oh, Laszlo.
不不 No, no.
她说我的色情片无聊 She said that my pornos were boring,
这简直不可理喻 which is an unbelievable reaction.
我给她看了我一个世纪的色情片 I showed her a century's worth of my pornos.
这可是相当多了 That's a lot of porn.
她应该没看懂剧情 I don't think she followed the plots.
杰瑞米 抱歉这么晚打给你 Hey, Jeremy. Sorry I'm calling you so late.
我和杰瑞米是老相识了 Jeremy and I go way back.
我们高中起就是朋友 We've been friends, um, since high school.
你今晚有什么计划 What are you doing tonight?
我们亲密无间 当然不是自愿的 We were really just attached at the hip. Not by choice,
而是因为他们会用热熔胶把我们粘在一起 but because they would literally, um, use hot glue.
我邀请了杰瑞米来参加派对 I invited Jeremy to the party.
不 就你自己 No, just yourself.
他们买好了酒水 Oh, I think they got all the drinks covered.
我感觉很内疚 Yeah, I feel bad.
我为了成为吸血鬼不惜一切代价 You know what, I'm doing whatever it takes to become a vampire.
抱歉 Oh. Sorry.
有人跟我说这是贮藏室 Somebody told me this was a closet.
会是一次很棒的群P It's going to be an amazing orgy.
群P之夜 晚上8点15分
这是一座雕塑 描绘了 Over here, we have a sculpture which depicts
我父母怀上我的那一刻 the moment that my parents conceived me.
这里是吹箫者休息区 In here, we have the fluffers' chill-out area.
这是传统动物皮毛 上面放满了各种环 Here we have the traditional animal fur laden with rings.
不是戴手指上的 Not for your fingers.
电椅角色扮演 Electric chair role-play.
"你有什么遗言" "What are your last words?"
"我想做爱" "I want to have sex."
-拉兹洛 怎么了 -我不来了 - Laszlo, what is going on? - I'm not coming.
你在干什么 这是什么 What are you doing? What is this?
你是在角色扮演一个抑郁的男人吗 Are you role-playing as a depressed man?
还挺有效果的 It's not not working.
-我不参加群P了 我没心情 -什么 - I'm not coming to the orgy. I'm not in the mood. - What?
是因为我说你的色情片很烂吗 Is this because I said your porno was terrible?
明明很棒 The pornos were superb.
你知道拍一部色情片有多难吗 Have you any idea how difficult it is to make a porno?
拉兹洛 你想要我们的群P失败吗 Laszlo, do you want our orgy to fall apart
然后让我们的吸血鬼好名声被破坏 and for our good vampire names to go down in history
跟那个我们从不提起的名字同流合污 with he whose name that we never say the name of?
-你是说麦克吗 -对 该死的麦克 - You mean Mike? - Yes, fucking Mike!
老实说 我根本不在乎 To be honest with you, I couldn't care less.
-晚安 -拉兹洛 你敢回去 - Good night. - Laszlo, don't you dare go back in there.
我不去 放开盖子 No, I'm not coming. Let go of the lid.
是 我想我是有点紧张 Yes, I suppose I am a little bit stressed.
举办一次糟糕的吸血鬼群P To throw a bad vampire orgy,
我不知道要怎么恢复得过来 I don't know how one would recover.
你见到的一半蝙蝠 它们其实都是 Half the bats you see, they are just vampires
举办了糟糕群P的吸血鬼 that have thrown terrible orgies,
它们不好意思恢复它们的吸血鬼形态 and they are too ashamed to regain their vampire form.
它们只是飞来飞去 羞愧蝙蝠 They just flit around. Shame bats.
充满羞愧的蝙蝠 Bats full of shame.
你知道它们 And you know them,
因为它们飞得不高 'cause they don't fly as high.
两年一度的吸血鬼群P 晚上10点半
-僵尸 -娜嘉 - Jiang Shi! - Nadja!
中国跳跃吸血鬼 Chinese jumping vampire.
-我带了我堂弟来 -他是巴巴杜吗 - Brought my cousin. - Is he a Babadook?
吧 我是巴大布 No, actually, I'm a Badabook.
就是巴大兵的那个巴大布 You know, like, uh, bada-bing, Badabook.
我反正是完全不信 And I don't believe for one minute
视频里那只浣熊 that the raccoon actually solved the Rubik's Cube
解开了魔方 因为视频里 that it was given in the video because there are clearly cuts
显然有剪辑的痕迹 不过是很可爱 in the video, but it was darling.
你是谁 Um, and, uh, who are you?
你好 我是杰瑞米 Oh. Uh, hi. I'm Jeremy.
我带了麻薯冰淇淋 I brought mochi ice cream.
有地方可以放我的书包吗 Is there a place that I can put my backpack?
各位 处子到了 Everyone, the virgin is here!
杰瑞米到了 他刚到 Jeremy's here. He just got here,
他进来时所有吸血鬼眼睛都瞪得好大 and, uh, all the vampires' eyes just lit up when he came in.
我觉得我作为亲信干得不错 I think I did a good job as a familiar.
嗯 Yeah.
不过作为朋友就不怎么样了 Maybe not so much as a friend.
吉尔莫 Guillermo, hey.
这个派对好棒 This is a great party.
大家都很友好 Everyone's really friendly. Hi.
-你带了什么 -我带了麻薯 - Yeah, what did you bring? - I brought mochi.
我想人们会吃 I thought maybe people would eat that.
是的 Yeah. Yeah.
他们会把他撕得粉碎 They're gonna tear him apart.
我来了 I'm here!
群P生活到了 The life of the orgy has arrived.
有点僵硬 Bit stiff.
我做了一件坏事 I've done a bad thing.
我把我朋友带到了一个全是吸血鬼的房子里 I just brought my friend to a house full of vampires.
我把我的处男朋友带到了一个全是吸血鬼的房子里 I brought my virgin friend into a house full of vampires.
这里面是不是很热 Is it hot in here?
50年代先生 你来了 Mr. '50s, you made it.
你可以辩称 你只需要一部手机 Well, you could argue, though, that all you need is a cell phone.
听着 听好了 别说话 Listen. Listen, stop talking.
-不 -听着 我叫拉兹洛 - Oh, no. - Listen, my name is Laszlo,
我本不打算来参加今晚的群P的 and I was not going to come to this orgy this evening
因为我的心很痛 because my heart was in pain.
你是《蒸汽房里被戏弄的吸血鬼》里的那人 Yes! Vampire Tricked in Steam Room!
没错 就是我 Yes, it is me.
无论如何 出于对我的好妻子娜嘉的爱 Anyway, I put my heavy heart to one side
我将沉重的心情放在一边 for the love of my good lady wife Nadja.
近来 我一直在看所有我的色情小电影 Recently, I was watching all of my porno films,
它们性感 让人性致勃勃 which are sexy and a turn-on.
但是它们缺乏最重要的一点 But they lack one thing and one important thing.
那就是爱 And that one thing is love.
我对我的妻子娜嘉的爱 The love I share for my good lady wife Nadja.
不如我们在楼上举行自己的群P吧 What say we conduct our own orgy upstairs?
-只有两个人的群P -什么鬼 - A two-person orgy. - What?
致爱情和做爱 Here's to love and making love!
真是扫兴鬼 What a boner killer.
我还以为麦克组织的群P已经够糟糕了 And I thought Mike threw a bad orgy.
我还是走吧 I think I'm going to take off.
等一下 大家别走啊 别走 Wait, wait. No, wait, everyone. No, no, wait!
我们还没有到最精彩的部分呢 'Cause we haven't had the best part yet.
我做了件可怕的事 我害死了我的朋友 I did a terrible thing. I just killed my friend. Oh, God.
我把处男朋友带进了全是吸血鬼的房子 I brought my v-virgin friend into a house full of vampires.
天啊 他们会把他撕碎的 Oh, God, they're gonna rip him apart.
你们看 这里有个很棒的 Guess what. There is the most gorgeous...
我得去救他 I got to help him.
鼻子出血 患有哮喘 ...nosebleedy, asthma-suffering,
-不洗床单 -杰瑞米 - uh, doesn't clean his sheets... - Jeremy!
用嘴巴呼吸的处男 ...mouth-breathing virgin!
杰瑞米 你必须得离开 Jeremy, you have to leave.
-他们都是吸 -吉尔莫 - They're all vamp... - Guillermo.
这个派对真是太棒了 This party's awesome!
我 I, uh, I...
这是出去的路吧 Is this the way out?
看起来 杰瑞米不再是处男了 looks like, uh, Jeremy's not a virgin anymore.
大家 非常抱歉 So, sorry about that, gang.
这次群P不算数 This orgy didn't count.
不要跟你们的朋友说这是次糟糕的群P Don't tell your friends it was a bad orgy.
所以 So, uh...
只有我们仨了 just us three, then?
好吧 这两个都很好 Okay, these are both good.
我去看看拉兹洛是不是还好 可怜的家伙 I'm just going to check up on Laszlo. Poor guy.
我觉得娜嘉不会轻易放过他的 I don't think Nadja will let him forget about this one.
拉兹洛 Laszlo.