我最近重拾了对园林雕塑的爱 I have recently rediscovered my love for topiary sculpture.
拉兹洛
这是一门修剪灌木的艺术 The art of bush manipulation.
这儿有阿努比斯 埃及的死神 We have Anubis, the Egyptian god of death.
这是喀迈拉兽 Here is a chimera.
这个是我最骄傲的 This one, I'm the most proud of.
这是只兔子 因为它最后出来的效果 This is the bunny, simply because it ended up
和我想象中的完全一样 exactly the same as I had in my head.
-上面这个... -喂 拉兹 - And up here... - Yo, Laz!
什么事 肖恩 All right, Sean.
肖恩
那婊子又把我赶出来了 你能相信吗 Bitch kicked me out again. Can you believe it?
她就应该用你自己的括约肌 She ought to strangle you to death
把你勒死 with your own sphincter muscle.
-你说啥 -我说了一些 - What did you just say? - I said something
你会由衷同意的话 which you will heartily agree with.
嗯 我听见了 兄弟 太奇葩了 Yeah, I hear that, bro. That's-that's messed up.
晚安 Have a good night.
他老婆八成会杀了他 His wife will probably kill him.
这样我们做爱就能更爽了 Which leads me on to the fairer sex.
接下来你将要看到园林雕塑版的阴户 What you're about to see are the topiary representations of the vulvas
它们来自我最爱的妓女 of some of my favorite prostitutes
以及我爱过的女人 and women I have loved.
1888年 白教堂区的波莉·尼克斯 Polly Nichols from Whitechapel, 1888.
那是我的贤妻 娜嘉 Oh, that's my good lady wife Nadja.
她八成不乐意你看到 但管她的呢 Don't think she'd like you to see that, but who gives a fuck?
真美 Beautiful.
最后是南希·里根[美国前第一夫人] 有点凌乱 That's Nancy Reagan at the end. It's a bit untidy.
这是我的得意之作 And here we have the pièce de résistance,
我的母亲 my mother.
你逗我呢吧 You're kidding.
那是狼人的尿 That's werewolf piss.
狼人尿 Werewolf piss.
这箱子里装了我所有的捕狼人陷阱 This box contains all my werewolf traps.
这正是我们要找的 捕狼器 That's what we're looking for, the Wulfsfalle.
这玩意肯定管用 That'll do the business.
吸血鬼生活 第一季 第三集
我是个早起的人吗 Am I a morning person?
我会充满激情地回答"是的" That would be an enthusiastic "Yes."
柯林·鲁宾逊 元气吸血鬼
我真的很喜欢早上 I really enjoy the mornings.
我们去看看南多在干什么 Let's see what Nandor's up to.
南多 Nandor?
我起来后会很饿 得吃一整天 I wake up hungry, and I get to feed all day.
请走开 柯林·鲁宾逊 Go away, please, Colin Robinson.
南多 该起来猜歌名了 Nandor, it's time to name that tune.
吉尔莫 把他赶出去 Guillermo, get him out of here!
-能请您离开吗 -是我编的 - Will you get out of here? - I made it up.
-没看见我正睡觉吗 -请出去 出去 - Can't you see I am sleeping? - Please get out. Get out.
这是我的"晨间咖啡" That's what I call my "morning cup of coffee."
丹 你好呀 Dan, how are you?
上午比较适合进食 因为人还没有完全 Mornings are great for feeding. People aren't really,
被日常的沮丧侵蚀 you know, frustrated yet by the entire day.
你要是不想要孩子的话 If you don't want to have kids,
我建议你把手机装在你裤兜里 then I would keep that phone in your pocket.
阿尼 我想了好久 Arnie. You know, I was thinking about the whole,
我们之前探讨的"棉签争论" uh, Q-tip debate that we've been having,
科学研究说 and, you know, science says
比胳膊肘小的东西 that you shouldn't stick anything
都不应该放到耳朵里 smaller than your elbow into your ear.
会对耳道造成伤害 Talk about damage to the ear canal.
-我有说错吗 -我就是做不到啊 - Am I not right? - I just can't.
是啊 不对 还有 Yeah, no, and, uh...
办公室来了新人 There's someone new in the office.
如果你能在他们被这个地方折磨垮之前去接近他们 If you get 'em before this place grinds them down,
你就能吸到许多新鲜的元气 you get so much fresh energy.
咚咚 Knock, knock.
让我做回迎新特别委员会 Let me be the ad hoc welcoming committee.
我是柯林·鲁宾逊 I am Colin Robinson.
以后你会经常听到我的名字的 You're gonna be hearing a lot more about me.
-多半不会 -别 - Oh, probably not. - Oh, no.
别瞎说 人总是要说话的 Nonsense. People talk.
-他们是不会跟我说话的 -瞧瞧这个 - Not to me, they don't. - Look at that.
-个性化的名牌 -我做了一个 - Personalized nameplate, huh? - Yeah, I-I had it made because
因为大家通常不记得我的名字 people don't usually remember my name.
既然我俩现在关系还比较好 Since we're on friendly terms,
我就给你点小建议吧 let me give you a little advice.
那个饮水机 我有理由相信 里面的水没过滤 The water fountain, I have reason to believe, is not filtered.
我是不敢去饮水机那边的 I wouldn't dare go by the water fountain.
要是大家笑话我呢 What if everybody laughed?
大家为什么要那么做 Wh-Why... why would they do that?
你不知道我等了多久才听到句好话 You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear a kind word.
自从母亲去世后我都是孤身一人 所以… I've been all alone since Mother died, so...
我只是在和你搭话 我... Oh. I'm-I'm just talking to you. I...
-别难过了 -谢谢你 - There, there. - Thank you.
-回头聊 -好的 - Talk later? - Yeah.
-真的吗 -是的 我说了我们会的 - Really? - Yeah, I said we would.
我很乐意回头再聊 I'd love to chat later.
刚才到底是怎么回事 Oh, what the hell was that?
我从她那里什么都没吸到 I didn't get anything from her.
完全没有 Nothing.
我觉得这个伊维有点不对劲 I think there's something weird about Evie.
这里是我和拉兹洛的地穴 This is mine and Laszlo's crypt.
我亲自装潢的 I decorated it myself.
这个生物对我来说很特别 This one is a very special creature to me.
我第一次见到拉兹洛时 When I first met Laszlo,
当时我和他一起在沼泽地里散步 I was walking on the moors with him,
这只猫头鹰飞过来抓了我的头 and this owl flew over and scratched my head,
然后我说"拉兹洛 杀了那个该死的贱货" and I said, "Kill that fucking bitch, please, Laszlo."
如果我和拉兹洛要是有孩子的话 If me and Laszlo were to have ever had a child,
我估计孩子会长这样 I like to imagine it would look like him.
又小又硬 Small and hard.
我讨厌这只山羊 I hate this goat.
那是什么 What is that?
是狼人 It's werewolf.
从外面传来的声音 Coming from outside.
草坪上有个该死的大块头狼人 There's a bloody big werewolf on the lawn.
快点 Quick.
好恶心 Ew.
-好大一个 -快点 我们要把它弄进去 - Bloody big one. - Quick, we need to get it inside.
好臭 It stinks.
为什么它的脚在陷阱里 Why is its foot in a trap?
-拉兹洛 你布了陷阱吗 -什么 - Laszlo, did you lay a trap? - What?
不 和我完全没关系 No, no, nothing to do with me.
我们把它从草地上弄走 Let's just get it off the grass.
没事的 没事的 It's okay. It's okay.
没事的 我们是好邻居 好邻居 It's okay. The neighbors, the neighbors.
他要失去意识了 He's losing conscious.
-睡吧 -这样就对了 就是这样 - Go to sleep now. - That's it, that's it.
-睡吧 狼人先生 -好样的 - Go to sleep, Mr. Werewolf. - That's it.
好了 这边 赶紧 Okay, this way. Go, go.
-那个男孩应该来帮忙 -他在帮忙 - The boy should be helping. - He is helping.
-我们把它放在哪 地下室吗 -豪华房间 - Where do we take it, the basement? - Fancy room.
但我们才大扫除过 But we just spring-cleaned.
主人 靠它这么近安全吗 Master, is it safe to be this close to it?
很可能不安全 吉尔莫 Probably not, Guillermo.
等它醒了 它会杀了我吗 Well, when it wakes up, won't it kill me?
是的 很可能会 但我们要商量更重要的事 Yes, probably. But we have more important things to talk about.
我们要摆脱他 We need to get rid of him.
我说的摆脱是指... And when I say get rid of him, I mean...
不行 狼人必须活下去 No! The werewolf lives.
否则 我们就危及了《休战协议》的神圣性 Otherwise, we endanger the sanctity of the Truce.
-《休战协议》 -《休战协议》 - The Truce? - Ah, the Truce.
我恨《休战协议》 I hate the Truce.
几十年来 For tens upon tens of years,
吸血鬼和狼人部落 the vampire and werewolf communities
因为《休战协议》 生活在高度警惕的的和平中 live in a wary peace because of the Truce.
吸血鬼不会伤害狼人 Vampire does not harm werewolf,
只要狼人不干涉吸血鬼的事 so long as werewolf doesn't interfere with any vampire shit.
他的朋友们可能知道他在这里 His friends might know he's here.
这意味着他的所有朋友们都会来看他 Which means all of his friends will come and visit him.
好的 我们给他戴上口罩 带他去公园 Okay, let us put a muzzle on him, take him to a park,
把他绑在长凳上 tie him to a bench.
他要醒了 他要醒了 He's waking up. He's waking up!
上帝啊 Oh, God.
你们为什么有狼人陷阱 Why do you guys have a werewolf trap?
我是指 在草坪上放个普通的陷阱 I mean, a normal trap on your lawn?
我们知道你是个该死的的大块头狼人 We know you're a big bloody werewolf.
我看见你像一条湿透的恶心大狗 I saw you screeching and scratching around the garden
在花园里又叫又抓 like a big, disgusting wet dog.
是啊 所以放了陷阱 你个杂种 Yeah, so the game's up, you bastard.
你们真走运 Luckily for you guys,
我有惊人的愈合能力 I have incredible healing abilities.
我已经完全恢复了 I'm already recovering completely.
-他要拉屎了 -天呐 - He's gonna shit. - Oh, no.
等我的狼人兄弟姐妹知道这件事后 When my werewolf brethren and sisteren find out about this,
他们是不会高兴的 they will not be happy.
操 Ah, shit.
-他把窗户打碎了 -我的另一条腿 - He's broken the bloody window. - My other leg!
大事不好 大事不好 This is bad. This is very bad.
的确很糟糕 Yes, this is very bad.
我会和我的族群一起回来的 I'm coming back with the pack.
那会我就满血恢复了 不用担心 And by then, I'll be 100% healed. Don't worry about that.
-他刚刚差点杀死我 -有可能 但你知道 - He could've killed me. - Possibly, but you know,
这种事难免发生 these things happen.
卡马尔 这个周末长肉了啊 Hey, Kamal. Put on a little weight this weekend, no?
珍妮 Hey, Jeannie.
嫉妒的反义词是什么啊 Man, what's an antonym for "Jealous"?
我现在对你的工作量就是那种感觉 'Cause that's how I feel about your workload right now.
阿尼 虽然这会让你想杀了我 但我还是要 Arnie. You're gonna kill me, but I think I am going to
改变我在棉签难题上的立场 change my position on the whole Q-tip conundrum that we had.
-阿尼 你在听我讲话吗 -科林 - Arnie, are you even listening to me? - Huh, Colin?
抱歉 我刚刚在和新来的女孩说话 Sorry. I was talking to the new girl.
她跟我讲了她侄子的悲惨故事 She told me the saddest story about her nephew.
他一生下来眼球就是反的 Born with his eyeballs facing backwards.
他能不能看到他自己的脑子 So can he see his brains?
我认为新来的女孩是个情感吸血鬼 I think the new girl is an emotional vampire.
他们是高等元气吸血鬼 They're an advanced form of energy vampire.
和通过让人感到懊恼以吸取精气不同 But instead of frustrating the people around them for energy,
他们以同情为食 they feed off of pity.
看看她 等她吸完戴夫之后 Look at her. There's not gonna be anything left
就啥都不剩了 这点我可以确定 when she's done with Dave, I'll tell you that much.
这办公室就空了 This whole damn office is empty.
依维 Evie.
EV E.V.
情感吸血 我靠 Emotional vamp... Oh, hell.
我接受你的挑战 伊维·拉塞尔 放马过来 It's on, Evie Russell. Oh, it's on.
比夫 Biff!
嘿 比夫 我能和你说句话吗 Hey, Biff. Could I have a word with you?
比夫 就说一句 比夫 Biff, just a second, Biff.
-我得先上个厕所 -一个简单问题 - Just gonna use the bathroom first. - Quick question about...
比夫 我也有个 Biff, I had a... actually,
-我也有个简单问题 -比夫 我们得谈谈... - I had a quick question. - Biff, we need to discuss...
不能等我上完厕所再说吗 Can this wait till we get out of the bathroom?
-因为这是跟女性有关的 -比夫 你要不 - 'Cause it's kind of feminine-related. - Uh, Biff, you're gon...
我不能... I can't exact...
-比夫比夫 -比夫 我不太... - Biff, Biff, Biff. - Biff, I can't exactly...
-等等 -饶了我吧 - Hold on, hold on. - Oh, man!
比夫 我觉得我的狗好像得了自闭症 Biff, I-I think my dog might be autistic,
-我需要一个人来倾诉 -比夫 - and I need a shoulder to cry on. - Biff.
-求你了比夫 -你在干什么 科林 - Please, Biff. - What is happening, Colin?
你认为这的新厕纸怎么样 What do you think of the new toilet paper in here?
-我在想 放开我 - 你们疯了 - I was wondering... Let go! - This is crazy.
你不用马桶纸垫吗 Oh, you don't use, uh, toilet paper liner, huh?
比夫 我需要和你聊聊 求你了 Biff, I just need to talk to you, please.
你不愿爱护马桶座圈 是吗 Not a seat protector dude, huh?
我好伤心啊 我感到无所适从 I'm just so sad, and I don't know what to do.
我感觉不舒服 我感觉很虚弱 I'm not feeling well. I-I... I feel really weak.
知道吗 在希腊语里表达"昏迷" You know, the Greek phrasing for "Coma"
用的是"深度睡眠" is "Deep sleep."
可怜的比夫 Poor Biff.
一个 两个 三颗银子弹 One, two, three silver bullets.
我们要怎么用三颗银子弹 How are we gonna kill a whole wolf pack
去杀掉一群狼人 with just three silver bullets?
比这还糟 我们甚至没有枪 It's worse than that-- we don't even have a gun.
没枪吗 No gun?
是狼群 The wolf pack.
她来了 She is here.
搞什么鬼 What the blazes?
看 两个狼人 Look, two werewolves,
厚颜无耻 as bold as brass.
我甚至能感觉到有一个就在我身后 And I can even sense one behind me.
她灌木丛里排便 She's emptying her wolf snatch all over the bushes!
好了 你的意思我们懂了 今晚就到这吧 All right, you've made your point. Let's call this a night.
不 我们才刚刚开始 Oh, no. We're just getting started.
干得好 黛比 强大尿流 Way to go, Deb. Good, strong stream.
是啊 我们尿完了 Yeah. We had the piss.
-现在我们要来点血了 -终于有人懂我了 - Now we need the blood. - Someone's finally speaking my language.
你的屁股准备好流血吧 Get ready to start speaking it out your butt,
你这个《理智与情感》的婊子 you Sense and Sensibility bitch.
-安吉 安吉 安吉 -我们到底在这干嘛 - Ange, Ange, Ange. - What-what are we doing?
你把节奏带得太快了 You're ramping it up pretty quick here.
我们慢一点 循序渐进 Let's build up. Let's build up to something.
我不懂你为什么给我们群发短信 把我们吵醒 What I don't understand is why you texted us all, woke us up
叫我们来 就只是为了往所有东西上尿尿 and told us to come here to what, just piss on everything?
-我们还继续吗 -缺乏组织性 兄弟 - Are we gonna get on with this? - ...lack of organization, man.
再给我点时间处理下这个 I'm just gonna need a second here.
你又这么做 你在削弱我的权威 You're doing it again. You're undermining me.
不 是你让我们看上去像傻逼一样 No, you made us look like turds, man.
请不要在我的草坪上歇斯底里了 Can you stop crying on my lawn, please?
-我们等会儿再讨论这个 -好的 等会再说 - Let's talk about it later. - Okay. Let's do it later.
终于来了 At last.
给我腾点地方 Give me some space.
你需要的不仅仅是空间 老朋友 You'll need more than space, me old chap.
上啊 拉兹洛 Go on, Laszlo.
不 Oh, no.
别破坏我的小兔子 看 Not my bunny. Look.
不 就是我的兔子 我最得意的作品 No, that's my rabbit. That's my best one.
-我的坐骨神经痛啊 -别担心 亲爱的 - My sciatica. - Don't worry, darling.
派对扫兴鬼来了 Here comes the party poop.
你不能和狼人在草坪上打仗 You can't be fighting with werewolves on the lawn.
你会引起人类邻居的注意 You'll alert the human neighbors.
我们屋外就是个公交车站 And there's a bus stop outside the house.
那你别像雾一样出现在草坪上 混蛋 Well, don't appear as a mist on the lawn, then, you prick.
那边怎么了 拉兹 What the hell's going on over there, Laz?
没事 肖恩 草坪上什么事都没有 Nothing, Sean. Everything's all right on this lawn.
正合我意 我先进去了 Just how I like it. And I'm going inside.
邻居而已 继续 It's just the neighbor. Carry on.
如果我们要打一场 我们就得遵守协议 If we are to battle, we must follow the protocols.
我们当然会遵守协议 Of course we're going to follow the protocols.
-那就去看协议吧 -好 - To the protocols. - Sure.
现在有很多狗要进我家了 And now there's lots of dogs going in my house.
该死 你带钥匙了吗 Shit, have you got a key?
气氛很紧张 It's very tense.
吸血鬼 狼人 Vampires, werewolves,
给我一点时间来找到相关段落 give me a moment to find the relevant passage.
所以 你们狼人全都是印第安人吗 So, are all you werewolves Indians?
-又来了 -该死的《暮光之城》 - Oh, here we go again. - Fucking Twilight.
不 我们并不都是印第安人 No, we're not all Indians.
事实上 好吧 我是印度人 In fact... well, I'm an Indian.
但那是因为我父亲从印度来 But that's because my father's from India.
但我认为你说的并不是印度人 I think you're not even talking about that kind of Indian, though.
你说的应该是美国原住民 I think you're talking about a Native American.
-比如马库斯 -对 但我是狼人 - Like Marcus. - Yeah, but I'm not a werewolf
-并不是因为我是印第安人 -没错 - because I'm Native American. - That's right.
好吗 这与民族无关 All right? It's not an ethnic thing.
-只有这一个印第安人 -我们都不一样 - That's one guy. - We're all different.
-我是非裔美国人 -没错 - I'm African-American. - That's right.
我是加勒比裔加拿大人 I'm Caribbean-Canadian.
来自萨斯卡通 傻逼 Saskatoon, motherfucker.
-没错 -是的 - That's right. - Yeah.
我是高加索人 I'm Caucasian.
没错 这是查德 That's-that's right. That's Chad.
如果还有人有兴趣 If anyone is interested,
-我找到了... -说吧 - I have found the... - Yes, get on with this.
...相关段落... ...relevant passage for...
写于1993年 This was written in 1993.
它指出 And it states,
"如果一群狼人和 "Should a werewolf pack
一群吸血鬼发生矛盾..." have a beef with a vampire house..."
那是我们 That's us.
"...这两群人不得打斗 "...the two groups shall not battle,
"而是从他们中间选出 "But elect from amongst them
"最强壮的战士 "Their strongest fighter.
"这两名战士将 "The two fighters will face off
-"在中立土地上... -不 - "In one-on-one combat... - No.
...进行一对一的对决" ...on neutral ground."
好吧 斯坦顿岛狼人互助小组 Okay. Staten Island Werewolf Support Group.
这个房间里的吸血鬼们 Uh, vampires in this room.
没有你 吉尔莫 Not you, Guillermo.
战争开始了 伊维·拉塞尔 It's on, Evie Russell.
开始了 Oh, it's on.
-伊维·拉塞尔 -柯林·鲁宾逊 - Evie Russell. - Colin Robinson.
-加班吗 -我必须要加 我落下进度了 - Working late? - I have to. I'm behind.
我喜欢你的裙子 I like your skirt.
你应该小心点 因为紫红色会吸引蜜蜂 You should be careful, because mauve attracts bees.
我在我姐姐确诊癌症那天穿的这件裙子 I was wearing this skirt when my sister got her cancer diagnosis.
杀死你的通常不是癌症 Cancer isn't usually what kills you.
而是治疗 It's the treatment.
她是被酒驾司机杀死的 She was killed by a drunk driver.
他曾是我的未婚夫 He was my fiancé.
暴力往往从家庭开始 研究表明... Violence often begins at home. Studies indicate...
我从来没有过家 I've never had a home!
提醒我给你发《斯莱特杂志》那篇 Remind me to e-mail you a link to a Slate article
关于千禧一代住房危机文章的链接 on the millennial housing crisis.
我不用电子邮件 I don't use e-mail
自从我的电脑被黑 ever since my computer was hacked
我的身份被偷以后 and my identity was stolen.
《黑客》 约翰尼·李·米勒和费舍·史蒂芬斯主演 Hackers, featuring Johnny Lee Miller and Fisher Stevens,
是1995年为数不多 is one of the few movies from 1995
依然能站得住脚的电影 that still holds up!
我在排队看电影的时候 I was held up at gunpoint
遭遇持枪抢劫 while waiting in line to see that movie.
但他们没有抢钱 But they didn't take any money.
他们只是为了好玩 They just did it for fun!
变回人形 Human form.
来吧 Come on!
我们早到了五分钟 We're five minutes early.
我们不一定要成为敌人 You know, we don't have to be enemies.
你有没有考虑找一个搭档一起狩猎 Have you ever considered hunting with a partner?
这个想法只在最近才在我的脑海里闪过 The thought has only recently crossed my mind.
朗达 Rhonda.
我在想你能不能帮我看看我们打赌谁赢了 I was wondering if you could settle a bet.
今晚适合死亡 Tonight is a good night to die.
我不想你死 主人 Oh, I don't want you to die, Master.
不是我去死 Not me to die,
是对方 the other guy to die.
也许不要这么说 Maybe don't say it like that.
好吧 Okay.
今晚对那个人来说适合死亡 Tonight is a good night for the other guy,
不是我 not me, to die.
他们来了 They're here.
对不起我们迟到了 Sorry we're late. Sorry we're late.
太难过桥了 Bridge was a nightmare.
你好 杂种狗 Hello, mongrels.
你个女鬼 You haunted house bitch!
根据1993年制定的 We meet on the roof of this abandoned Circuit City
《斯坦顿岛狼人吸血鬼条约》 in accordance with the protocols
我们在这个废弃的电路城屋顶见面 of the Staten Island Lycanthrope-Vampire Agreement of 1993.
那么就开始 你们选择好勇士了吗 And so it begins. Have you chosen your champion?
是的 Oh, yeah.
我们选择托比 We chose Toby.
-他很壮 -我不记得有这个人 - Oh, that is a very big one. - I don't remember this one.
-他是新来的吗 -他是新来的大狼人 - Is he a new one? - Oh, he's a new gigantic werewolf.
这甚至不是他最大体型 This isn't even full-size.
这个就是 普通托比 This is just, like, regular Toby.
他能变得这么大 He-he gets like this big.
我们也选出了自己的勇士 Yeah, well, we've got our own champion.
他的名字叫无情者南多 He goes by the name of Nandor the Relentless.
-你们好 -他会把你打得落花流水 托比 - Hi. - And he's going to mess you up, Toby.
别挑衅他 娜嘉 Don't antagonize him, Nadja.
你亵渎了我的阴户花园 You desecrated my vulva garden.
也就是我母亲的阴户 Namely, my mother's vulva.
你在上面撒尿 让其皱缩 You turned it brown and wizened.
-你让它看着像他妹妹的阴户 -没错 - You made it look like his sister's vulva. - Exactly.
什么样的男人能忍受 What type of man would endure such an insult
来自一群卑劣狼人渣滓的羞辱 from a pack of filthy werewolf scum?
天 God.
我说的就是这个 This is what I'm talking about.
-赶紧决斗吧 -我会把你打趴 - Let's throw down already. - I'll throw you down.
是啊 "趴顿庄园" 我揍死你 Sure thing, Downton Abbey, I'll knock you out.
好 我们都冷静冷静 Okay, let's just take things down a notch
然后决一死战 and then fight to the death.
我说不好 Ah, I don't know.
这火鸡肉是从胸脯上新鲜割下来的吗 Is this turkey cut freshly from the breast?
还是预处理好的 Or is it a preprocessed roll?
我们的肉都是新鲜切片的 All of our meats are actually freshly sliced.
我更喜欢预处理好的 I prefer the roll.
拜托别争 Please don't start.
我不想又和你在公共场合吵架 I don't want to get into another argument in public right now.
我们的婚姻是形式婚姻 We got married out of convenience.
我有代理孟乔森综合征 I have Munchausen's by proxy.
我告诉别人他生病 这样我会好受 I tell people he's sick so I feel better.
但然后我会真的生病 But then I do get sick.
当我真的生病了 And when I do get sick,
人们却不相信我病了 people don't believe that I'm sick.
因为他们知道她经常 Because they know she does
谎称我患病 Munchausen by proxy all the time.
你们要吃你们的东西吗 Do you guys want to eat your food?
我们正在吃呢 We're feeding right now.
吸血鬼和狼人 Vampires... and werewolves.
这是一场光荣战斗 This is a fight that has been fought with honor
持续了一千 我说有一千年 for a thousand... I say a thousand years.
今晚 And tonight...
你的人对着墙撒尿 我才不要打 I'm not gonna do this if your man's pissing against the wall.
-滚 种族歧视者 -不 - Fuck off, you racist. - Okay, no.
不要再废话了 开打吧 No more bullshit. We fight.
-我同意荡妇狼人的话 -谢谢 - I agree with the werewolf slut. - Thank you.
-上吧 托比 上 -全靠你了 - Do it, Toby. Do it. - It's all you, man.
我本想建议投降 I'd say surrender,
但受辱的可是我妈的阴户 but it's my mother's vulva we're talking about.
-他块头很大 -给我干 托比 - He's quite big. - Come on, Toby, yeah!
加油 南多 你可以的 Come on, Nandor, you can do it.
我们家正好需要一张新地毯 We need a new rug for the house.
是的 Yeah.
你们这些污秽的畜生不是要满月时才能变身吗 I thought you messy beasts didn't do this until there was a full moon.
他只需要想象出月亮就能变身 This guy, he just pictures the moon.
他想象力丰富 He's got a great imagination.
别担心 我能行 All right, don't worry, I got it.
-这不是裸体对决吧 -应该不是 - It's not a naked fight, is it? - Don't think so, no.
你知道 我们可以... You know, we could just...
吉斯莫怎么样 What about Gizmo?
谁 Who?
勇士们 选择你们的武器 Champions, choose your weapons.
不能用银器 No silver.
我会让我受人尊敬的挑战者先选 I will let my esteemed challenger choose first.
他选牙齿和爪子 He chooses teeth and claws.
他会把你头上的假鸡巴给抓下来 Oh, he's gonna claw that dildo right off your head, man.
好 我选... Okay. I will choose...
双节棍 弯刀 Nunchucks, scimitar...
-这个 -那是什么 - This. - What is it?
-不 -不 - Oh, no. - Oh, no.
南多 Nandor.
什么 不 托比 不 What? No! Toby, no!
托比 Toby!
-天啊 托比 -什么鬼 你作弊 - Oh, oh, God. Toby. - What the hell? That's cheating.
干得漂亮 Well played.
-不 -托比 - Oh... oh, no. - Toby, man.
-天 -别担心 托比 - Oh, God. - Don't worry, Toby.
-我赢了吗 -你会痊愈的 哥们 - Did I win? - You're gonna heal up just fine, pal.
-我好像赢了 -随便吧 那这次决斗 - I think I won. - Whatever. I guess this one goes
-就算吸血鬼获胜 -好的 - to the vampires, then. - Okay.
你能让我们养伤吗 Can you leave us to lick our wounds?
-好 -托比 别舔你伤口 - Okay. - Tob... Toby, don't lick your wounds.
-再见 -家里见 - Bye. - See you back at home.
不 别走 No, please don't...
看上去 看上去已经 It looks... honestly, it looks better than it did
-比五分钟前好多了 -加油 托比 - five minutes ago already. - Come on, Toby.
你可以挺过来的 然后我们 You'll get through this, and then we'll take that trip
就可以去我们一直心心念的萨斯卡通了 to Saskatoon we've been talking about.
哥们 Oh, hey, man.
我们能留着这骨头吗 You think we could keep the bone?
-嗯 可以的 -是吗 - Yeah. Yeah. That-that's okay. - Yeah?
酷 酷 大家分头去找 Okay, cool. Cool, guys. All right, guys, spread out.
我们去找到那玩意儿 Let's find that son of a bitch.
注意脚下 Mind where you're walking.
如果听到吱吱声 可能就是踩到了那玩具 If you hear a squeak, you may have stepped on the toy.
我留下陪托比 他会没事的 I'll stay with Toby. He's gonna be fine.
他已经开始恢复了 He's healing already.
和伊维交往从不无聊 Dating Evie is never dull.
她知道怎么引起他人的注意 She certainly knows how to get people's attention.
有时是昏倒 有时是汽车故障 Whether it be fainting or car troubles.
她和她的猫经常出问题 A lot of things happen to her and her cat.
你们很多人都知道 As many of you know,
我最近一直在自己出钱 I've been paying out of pocket
治疗我家猫的青光眼 for my cat's glaucoma treatment,
花光了我全部积蓄 and the expenses have entirely wiped my savings.
自从我认识她后 Since I've met her,
她至少死了6对祖父母 she's had at least six pairs of grandparents die.
-看样子我得睡在我的办公桌了 -不 - ...looks like I'm gonna be sleeping in my cubicle - No...
直到另行通知 until further notice.
我问了我男友柯林我能不能住他家 I asked my boyfriend, Colin, if I could stay with him.
他刚刚说什么 What did he say?
他说他还没准备好 He said he's not ready f-for that.
我的天哪 Oh, my God.
我有六个月没用过那张信用卡了 I haven't used that credit card in six months.
我迟点给你回电话 I'll call you back.
-你好 伊维 -你好 - Hi, Evie. - Hi.
听我说 Um, listen,
过去的几周时光很美好 these last few weeks have been wonderful.
我之前都不知道 I, uh... I didn't know
我可以感受到如此深刻的情感 I could feel such depth of emotion.
或者说是极度的痛苦 Or utter, utter suffering.
但我觉得这不太有益健康 But I don't think this is healthy.
-柯林 -对不起 - Oh, Colin. - I-I'm sorry.
那些在我们周围 I wish you nothing but
浪费生命的蠢笨牲畜 continued success feeding
我祝愿你能够继续成功地以之为食 on the addle-brained cattle that waste their lives around us,
但是我不能再和你一起了 but I can't be around us any-anymore.
如果你离开我 我就 If you leave me, I'll...
我就自杀 I'll kill myself.
我会的 I'll do it.
如果没有你 我就失去了生存的意义 I don't have anything to live for if I don't have you.
不对 你有生存的意义 伊维 That's not true. You do, Evie.
你还有那么长的时间要用来消灭这群白痴 You have so much more life to take out of these morons.
过来 我们会想到解决办法的 Come here, we'll figure this out.
你就是控制不住 是吗 Y-You couldn't help yourself, could you?
我只是想最后再尝一口 I just wanted one last taste.
再见 伊维·拉塞尔 Good-bye, Evie Russell.
再见 柯林·鲁宾逊 Good-bye, Colin Robinson.
柯林 别离开我 Colin, don't leave me.
我只是在开玩笑 你可以 I'm just kidding, you can...
柯林 Colin.
你可以走了 You can go.
求你别走 Please.
但是 But...
你好 抱歉 我男朋友刚跟我分手了 Hi. I'm sorry, my boyfriend just broke up with me.
是的 我打来是想问我送去干洗的衣服 Yes, I'm calling about my dry cleaning.
好了 母亲 There we are, Mother.
你又变得漂亮了 You're looking beautiful again.
就像贝多芬过去常说的 Or, as Beethoven used to say,
"Die Busche werden sich nicht schneiden."
这些灌木是无法修剪自身的 These bushes won't trim themselves.
但话说回来 他老爱说这样的废话 But there again, he was always saying shit like that.